Wake The Earth
by meliz875
Summary: "Bella still sees him in the spaces he used to fill, but she sees new things too. Things that aren't better than what she and her daughter lost, but ones that are just as good in different ways. People that are just as important. One person who taught them it was okay to wake up. To keep smiling. To keep living." A short series based on ch. 11 of my story, "Crazy, Beautiful Life."
1. Prologue

_**AN**: Hi, everyone! So I'm breaking my rule with this one, starting it while I have another story in progress. I couldn't help it because this would not shut the hell up. Like, at all._

_For those of you following my Twi25 drabbles, "Crazy, Beautiful Life", this story will be familiar to you. I wrote entry #11 and when I got done, I kept writing... However, for those of you who aren't, I'm encouraging you to hop over to that story and skip on ahead to #11. I definitely would like you all to read it before deciding to read this story. _

_Why? There will be a tragedy mixed into this story, right from the get-go, and I've been around long enough to know readers like warning when this happens. I want you guys to know what you're signing up for._

_If you go read it (or already read it) and decide you want to jump on board for the whole story, AWESOME. I can't wait to share it with you. HOWEVER, I can almost guarantee you the first few chapters will rip your heart out, and then I'll stomp on it a couple times for good measure. Just being honest so you know what you're getting into. *grins*_

_BUT you also should know (especially if you follow my work) and hopefully take solace in the PROMISE that my goal is to not leave you bleeding for long. The beginning will likely hurt but it will progressively get better, slowly at first and completely in the end, and will hopefully leave YOU feeling better - and dare I say, happy and fulfilled - in the end. _

_This story will span about 18 months in the lives of the characters, so I'm doing something a little different than I normally do. This story will be more like a short series than a long, super descriptive multi-chapter story. It will be told in pivotal moments, more than anything. Chapter length ranges from as short as 700 words to as long as 3,500. There are 28 chapters in all, including a prologue and an epilogue. The story IS complete, so it's my hope to post a chapter each day (not including weekends because, let's face it, everyone disappears on the weekends) until it's completely up._

_I will stop rambling now. With all that being said, I hope you guys enjoy this. This is my first attempt at Quil as the leading man, so now I can cross this off my fanfic bucket list. ;) *hugs*_

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_**Suggested Listening: "Afraid" by The Neighbourhood, "Wolves" by Down Like Silver**_

_On your six, man! There's two of them!_

Quil bore down, lowering his head until it was perfectly in line with the rest of his body, allowing his lithe, chocolate-brown frame to move faster.

Trying like hell to put some distance between him and the vampires literally snapping at his tail.

_Paul, circle around. Quil, keep them on you. Embry, are you close?_

Brushing over his own thoughts, Jacob's booming Alpha commands echoed in every corner of Quil's mind, overpowering the calculated actions from the other members of the pack.

_A couple hundred feet, man, and I'm there._

_Embry, when you get there, fall in line with Paul and take those fuckers out. Leah, Seth, and Jared are driving the rest of them to the clearing. Let's see how these damn leeches do without the trees for cover._

Huffing a labored grunt from canine lungs, Quil dug all four paws into the muddy earth below him, propelling his massive frame forward with a burst of fluid speed. Leaping effortlessly over a fallen tree, he saw Embry and Paul playing out Jacob's orders as they both zeroed in on Quil and the two leeches tailing him.

Fuck, they'd come out of nowhere.

One second, he and Embry were walking home from work. Quil wasn't doing much of the talking, which was rare for him. Embry was too busy having one of his "proud daddy" moments, as Quil liked to call them, explaining how his two year old daughter, Maddie, had "used the potty" for the first time the night before. He just grinned and let Embry ramble. The little girl was smart as a whip but at two years old, even he had to admit that milestone was pretty damn impressive.

The next, they heard the howl.

With a single look, both of them were running full speed toward the nearest treeline.

There were a dozen of them.

It had been a long time since they had a leech on their lands, let alone so many of them. It made no fucking sense to Quil. Everything the pack knew about vampires proved they didn't move in large numbers - that covens were usually small groups that consisted of two, maybe three, if they were feeling particularly friendly and familial.

With nine wolves in pursuit, the pack was definitely equipped to handle them.

They hadn't been prepared for that fucking many, though.

At first it was just three - one hulking, bearded vamp and a couple icy females. Piece of cake, Quil had thought when they saw the flashes of color and white, marble skin streaking through the trees above them.

Then the rest of them showed up.

Fuck, that sickly sweet smell of rotting flesh was everywhere, burning Quil's nostrils like a red-hot flame, inciting a single moment of panic in the rest of the pack members. They weren't the same pack they were years ago, back when they were cocky teenagers who thought they could take on anything the leeches had to throw at them. They had things to lose now - Jacob, Paul and Jared had imprints. Sam and Embry had _families…_

However, the moment didn't last very long.

Because they were also bigger now. More experienced. More calculating and precise than they were back then.

And Quil had no doubt in his mind this was something they could handle.

In that moment, he could see Embry and Paul fall into perfect formation behind the two leeches, teeth gnashing as they gained on them.

As Quil busted through the treeline into the clearing, he let his tongue loll out of his mouth - the wolf equivalent to what he would call a cocky grin.

_Piece of cake_, he thought again the moment Paul went for vamp on the left and Embry took out the leech on the right, the crystalline sound of limbs tearing from bodies echoing in Quil's ears.

Still, it was far from over.

In less than a second, Quil surveyed what was happening in the clearing. He counted six leeches. A couple of them dangled from the tree limbs, taunting Leah's sleek white-grey wolf - toying with her as she angrily launched herself at them from the ground.

_Keep smiling, assholes . You just wait till I get you out of that fucking tree._

Quil was already heading that direction when he heard Jacob's voice in his head once more.

_Sam and I are driving two more of them in. Give us two minutes. Quil. Get those leeches out of the tree so Leah can have some fun._

_Got it, Chief._

Quil phased back before he hit the tree, the voices disappearing from his head just before he leaped from the ground, colliding with the bark of the weathered conifer. Scrabbling against the wood, he effortlessly climbed it, throwing a glance toward the ground to see Leah still distracting the two leeches.

_Perfect_.

Swinging around, he pulled himself up to the branch the fuckers rested on, grinning slightly when his eyes flicked downward. The gesture widening in a sadistic kind of way when he saw Leah stop jumping, sitting back on her haunches instead. Patiently waiting.

Quil didn't make a sound as he pulled one arm back, bringing his fist down with every ounce of supernatural force he possessed inside his body.

The power behind the blow caused the branch to splinter beneath the weight of it, sending the branch, the needles, and two very surprised leeches straight into Leah's razor-sharp jaws.

Snickering, Quil jumped from the tree without a second thought, body shifting and muscles elongating before he even hit the ground. Four legs reaching the earth instead of two.

By the time Quil turned his sights back on the open meadow, the clearing was a flurry of wolves and fur and hissing and marble bodies. He counted again, still seeing six leeches and trying to figure out where he was needed.

_That big, bearded one went to the trees. Not sure if he's running or heading your way. He's slick though - keep your eyes open!_

Sam's voice was steady but warning.

_Stay on him, Sam. Try to get him here, if you can._

Quil could see Jacob and Paul on the other side of the clearing now, unsure of how Jacob and Sam were separated in the first place. Regardless, it evaporated from Quil's mind a second later when he saw Leah had taken out one of the two vamps Quil had given her on a silver platter, but was struggling with the other - a flighty, pixie-looking creature that moved entirely too fast and kept entirely too close for Leah to get a grip on her.

And now Quil could see there was another one heading that way, sights set on helping the bitch.

Quil pushed back on his haunches, ready to run.

_Already there, man. I got this. _

Quil laughed, which came out as a sort-of breathy noise in his head.

_Show-off. You know you don't always gotta be one step ahead of me, Em._

_Ha. Just gotta make sure you remember you're not as awesome as you like to think you are._

In that moment, Quil saw Embry burst through the brush, veering to the right. Leaping in one swift movement, he used a tree stump as a springboard, launching into the air. His lithe, dark grey form aiming and poised for the second leech, who was getting ready to wrap his arms around Leah…

The rest of it - every moment that followed - happened in slow motion.

Standing there, Quil saw it all, every horrifying second playing in what felt like a thousand different corners of his brain.

From one corner, he could see the huge vamp with the beard tearing from the treeline - the one Sam was talking about. The one that was there in the beginning.

He disappeared from view before Quil could figure out where he was going. With a shake of his head, Quil saw it again, from a different angle. From Jacob's minds-eye as their Alpha tossed a severed head from his jaw into the grass. As he looked up, locating the leech. As his paws pressed into the ground and he ran.

As Quil finally found his fucking legs. As he ran, too.

They were both seeing it now - a fucked up kind of double vision as the bearded vamp dropped to the ground, feet in front of him as he slid through the moist grass.

As one white, ice-cold hand snagged another large, jagged tree branch from where it rested on the dirt.

As he dug his feet into the earth, his marble body skidding to a stop.

Right under Embry.

Right as his body arched downward. Right as the leech rolled to his back, bringing the tree branch around.

_EMBRY!_

Quil wasn't entirely sure it was him who screamed his friend's name, but he could feel the bone-chilling howl escape his canine lungs when the leech jabbed the thick branch upward with every ounce of strength his inhuman body possessed.

Burying it to the hilt.

Straight into Embry's chest.

The blow stopped Embry before he could hit the ground. The vamp grinned sadistically, using the branch to toss Embry's punctured body to the side, the grey wolf hitting the ground with a sick and disconcerted thud.

_Nononononono!_

Every single second felt like a fucking hour as Quil tried to get there. As he tried to ignore his instincts to run to his pack brother, and to ignore how his legs weakened when he fought it. Instead, Quil set murderous, feral eyes on the vamp, channeling that adrenaline elsewhere as he pulled back his lips, hatred and vengeance thick in his snarl.

The bearded fucker barely had a chance to turn back - to realize the fate he sealed for himself - before Quil was on him, tearing his head from his body in one swift, unforgiving movement.

_Quil! Get Embry! We'll get the rest._

Jacob's order was thick and clear in Quil's head just before he hit the ground on human knees, finally seeing the grey wolf had involuntarily phased back - that it was now Embry lying in the ankle-high grass, naked and shaking. Forgetting everything else happening around him, Quil crawled on all fours across the distance separating them, moving to the side his best friend faced.

Reaching him, it felt like someone punched Quil in the fucking stomach. Everything inside him twisting into a vicious knot when he saw the branch was still there, protruding directly from the center of Embry's chest.

Dangerously close to his heart...

Quil thought he might vomit when he saw the crimson blood staining the wood. When he saw how swiftly it was spilling from the wound.

Embry's eyes were distant but frantic, looking a hundred places as he tried to fathom what was happening - as he tried to process everything through the shock that no doubt held his body in an iron grip.

Eventually, though, his eyes found Quil's, hanging onto them with an urgency Quil couldn't comprehend.

"Quil…"

Quil made a noise in his throat he didn't recognize, frenzied eyes assessing the wound. Brushing over the heavy, thick branch with his fingers, he tried to figure out what the fuck he was going to do.

"We gotta get this out of you," he murmured, trying like hell to keep the words soothing. Comforting.

Quil glanced down in time to see Embry nod, his chest just above the wound heaving as he struggled to breathe in and out.

"Okay…" Quil wasn't a doctor. He wasn't even a fucking nurse, but he knew he couldn't just leave the thing in his friend's chest. He knew he had to try to get it out so Embry would have a chance. So his healing abilities would stand a fighting shot at fixing what was wrong. "This is gonna hurt, buddy, so hang on, okay?"

He missed Embry's second nod, one large, steady hand curling around the branch, the other around Embry's midsection. Bracing himself, Quil closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as he tried to pull.

Stopping when Embry's blood-curdling cry filled the clearing they were in.

Stopping when he realized the jagged end of the branch had likely punctured more than Quil could see from the outside.

Stopping when he realized there was no way it could come out. Not yet. Not like this. Not without a doctor.

Quil felt so fucking helpless.

"Jesus, man," Rocking forward on his knees, Quil's hands lifted to his temples as he tried to figure out what to do. His eyes held the black ones of his best friend, who was now trembling viscerally as he fought to draw in his next breath, beads of sweat gathering on his forehead from what Quil had just tried to do.

"_Quil…_"

"You'll be okay," Quil soothed, interrupting Embry's insistent plea. Leaning down instead - doing whatever he needed to do to comfort his friend in that moment - one hand brushed sweaty strands of hair back from Embry's forehead while the other man's glassy eyes watched Quil. "You'll be okay, we just gotta get you out of here."

Coughing, Embry's face crumpled beneath the pain and Quil tried...again...to ignore the small trickle of blood washing over his friend's lips.

"I don't think wolf healing can fix this, Q…"

Quil barked out an overly loud laugh, looking around frantically and realizing for the first time no one else was there. That the pack had driven the leeches away from the clearing, and no one was left but him and Embry.

"You're funny, Call. You're a funny guy."

Quil half-expected Embry to answer, but when he looked back down, he could see the blank look in his best friend's eyes, now focused on something Quil couldn't see.

Feeling the excruciating panic rise in his chest, Quil leaned forward again, taking the other man's face between both of his large hands. "Em? Em, look at me!"

It took Embry a moment but he finally blinked, just once before he focused on Quil's gaze.

"I'm so cold…"

Quil shook his head frantically, feeling that same panic wrap around his throat. Feeling an unfamiliar burning in his eyes as he reached up with one hand, swiping the moisture from his cheeks he didn't know was there.

"Stop it," he growled, looking down. Holding Embry's liquid eyes, he refused to look at the spot in his chest that was still pumping out blood. He refused to acknowledge how he could feel it dampening the grass beneath his knees, or to admit how Embry's face was becoming more sallow by the second.

"You're gonna be fine."

Embry squeezed his eyes shut, using every ounce of strength he possessed inside him to smile. To open his eyes and find Quil's again.

Gutting Quil from the inside out when he saw the lone tear squeeze its way from Embry's eye, disappearing as it fell into the grass below him.

Quil couldn't help it, this time ignoring the throbbing ache in his chest - the hollow emptiness - as he reached out, taking his best friend's hand in his. Leaning forward and offering him his own smile when Embry's lips parted to speak.

"Be there, Quil...for Maddie. For Bella…"

Quil wanted to wipe the hot tears from his eyes again, but another part of him didn't give a fuck as he shook his head obstinately.

As he tried to understand how any of this could be happening.

"You're gonna be fine…" he whispered again, although he wasn't so sure he believed it anymore. He wasn't so sure that was the case as Embry's chest stilled, missing a handful of breaths before he found another. Before it happened again. How the seconds ticked by, creating longer gaps before Quil could hear the air pass over Embry's lips.

Desperation clawing at his chest, Quil looked up in time to see Jacob's human form tearing from the treeline, running toward him, Paul and Leah following a moment later.

It was in that single, split second Quil unwillingly saw everything. Every day of their twenty-two years on that earth. The times when he and Embry were kids and they got in trouble for trying to tie firecrackers to the tails of the reservation's stray cats. How pissed Embry had been when Quil lost his virginity before him, and how he rubbed it in Embry's face. The first time they got drunk on Quil's grandpa's moonshine and Quil just clapped his friend on the back, leaving his hand there when at the end of the night, Embry sobbed, years of frustration over a father that was never there coming to a head.

How Embry had been an awesome father anyway.

How fucking happy Bella made him. How much one beautiful little girl had completed his world. How much his family meant to him...

A weak squeeze of his hand pulled Quil's attention back where it belonged.

Quil didn't know what death looked like, but staring into his best friend's eyes - seeing that single moment of clarity and determination - he couldn't imagine he was seeing anything else.

"Promise me…_please_."

Quil released a defeated breath, ignoring how it took everything inside him - every hope, every bit of self-reassurance he felt - right along with it. As he realized no matter what the outcome, no matter what happened, he would give his friend this much.

Even if he wasn't around to make sure Quil saw it through…

But Quil knew he would have promised it anyway the moment he silently agreed. Before he spoke the words.

As he felt his heart shatter in his chest.

Because Maddie was Embry's life. _Bella _was Embry's life, and Quil would make them _his_ life, if that's what Embry wanted.

So Quil smiled, doing the only thing he could think of, thankful for an infinite moment when he saw a single glimmer of peace in his best friend's eyes.

The same moment Embry took his last breath, but not before Quil could say his last words to the person who'd been his best friend his entire life.

"I promise, Em…"

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**AN: *WAILS***

**I'm just gonna leave it at that...**

_**Review if you like. **_


	2. Chapter 1

_**AN: **Thank you to all who read the prologue! And thank you for those who stick with me. I adore you guys – oh so much. -meliz_

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_**Suggested Listening: "Paint the Pictures" by of Verona**_

_._

On her nineteenth birthday, Bella Swan knew she was going to marry Embry Call.

She hated parties - she had _always _hated parties and gifts and anything that required a spotlight on her. Still, she put on a brave face the same way she always did, telling herself to suck it up and deal with the fact the entire pack was planning a huge birthday bonfire for her. Food was made. Gifts were bought, and Bella knew she had to go.

Embry told her it would mean a lot to the others - that no matter how out of place she felt at times, they loved her and this was how they wanted to show her. She knew it, and she was thankful for it, so she agreed. It also helped that Embry always had a way of talking her down - at making things more agreeable - even if a big party was the last thing she wanted on her birthday.

When the day came, Embry picked her up in his truck. Leaning over the center console, he kissed her when she climbed into the cab, ignoring her grumbles of protest when he pulled away much too soon.

"Ready to go?"

She smiled, her only response a single nod.

Yet when they reached La Push Road, Embry didn't turn. He didn't go the way he needed to get to the reservation - to her party. Twisting her body in the seat, Bella watched the corner disappear in the truck's back window. Letting her gaze drift down, for the first time she noticed the blankets in the truck's bed. The cooler pushed against the wheel well.

Her face screwing up in confusion, Bella looked to Embry for explanation, even though she was already putting the pieces together.

"You'll see," was all he said without so much as a look to her, despite the widening smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

They ended up at the beach in Port Angeles. He backed the truck up as far as it could go, edging it right up to the sand before hopping out, the biggest grin Bella had ever seen on his face. Running to the other side, he opened the door for her in one swift movement.

But before Bella got out of the truck, she turned, capturing Embry's face between both hands. Pressing her lips to his, she kissed him once - twice, three times - before pulling away, knowing what he'd done for her and knowing he was probably going to suffer the consequences, even though a jubilant laugh tumbled from her mouth.

Bella shook her head in amazement at the smile Embry was still giving her.

"We're gonna be in so much trouble," she murmured, thinking of the pack on the beach. Thinking of the party they missed and how even though a larger part of her felt bad, another couldn't bring herself to care.

"Does it matter?" Embry asked, one eyebrow lifting imploringly as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

Smiling again, Bella shook her head before leaning forward one last time, recapturing Embry's lips with her own. Two strong arms wrapped around her small frame as her body was pulled from the truck.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips, feeling his smile when she did. "Thank you."

Not wanting her feet to touch the ground, they eventually did, but his arms were still where they belonged.

Around her.

"I love you, too, Bella...always."

Their story wasn't a fairy tale.

In reality, it wasn't even what she envisioned for her life. Bella met Embry when she eighteen - when he and Quil Ateara showed up in Jacob's garage. Jacob Black had always been her best friend, taking her under his wing when Bella was a hollowed-out version of the person she was supposed to be - the person she was _capable _of being, when she was left behind by someone who she _thought _defined love.

She hadn't known it then, but she had never been more wrong.

The day after she met Embry, she went back to Jacob's garage, located on his father's land in La Push, the reservation of the Quileute tribe. Embry was there, and so was Quil. While Jacob and Quil would argue over car parts and spar to determine who the winner was, Bella paid more attention to Embry's silence. To what he said without words. To his expressions. To the way he carried himself. To the words he _did _say, and how not a single one ever went to waste.

She wasn't used to it - the way Embry was. She was so accustomed to Jacob's jovial attempts to bring her back from the dead, yet she found herself smiling every time she spoke to Embry. Drawn to his unassuming presence, it was through their effortless exchanges in which she learned she had a lot in common with Embry. Mothers who cared more about themselves than their children. A love for the same types of music. Closet infatuations with British television shows.

Embry was intriguing...a bit of a mystery. A boy carrying a wisdom and maturity beyond his years, and a mesmerizing intensity behind those ebony eyes.

But after his sixteenth birthday, Bella had a feeling everything would change.

Bella shouldn't have known. She shouldn't have found out what he was, but Jacob - ever her best friend - somehow found a way around his orders. Jacob somehow found a way to tell her the legends of their tribe were true - that he carried inside him a single gene that allowed him to take on a different form.

That he was a shapeshifter, designed to protect the tribe from the Cold Ones. From vampires.

He was a _werewolf_.

And so was Embry.

Bella tried to understand the best she could. She dated a vampire once - a chapter in her life she tried so hard to close - so to say she was no stranger to weird would have been an understatement. Still, most of the Quileute pack was surprised how it barely fazed her. Some of them were angry she knew. Some of them couldn't care less.

Embry was grateful. _Relieved_.

She could see it in his eyes the first time she saw him...after the change. How even though he was different - even though he was taller, broader, and even though he looked older - those eyes were just how she remembered.

In that moment, she felt exactly the same way, finally knowing where her own gratitude came from. Knowing why it was there.

Because she couldn't imagine giving that up.

She couldn't imagine her life without those eyes, even if she wasn't sure what they were to her yet. No matter how they saw her.

Their first date was in the middle of the afternoon between patrol shifts. They sat on his mother's sofa, parked in front of an episode of Doctor Who, eating slices of an extra-large pepperoni pizza.

Heart pounding the entire time she sat there, Bella swore she spent more time watching Embry than the television. Every nerve in her body misfired when more than once his hand brushed her thigh. When she leaned her shoulder against his, every single part of her sick with a nervousness she couldn't explain.

When she went to leave, he kissed her on his front porch.

It was sweet - _easy_, and every bit of anxiety dissolved beneath it, swept away by the gentleness of his mouth. Shut out by the warmth of his lips on hers.

It was nothing like before. It was nothing like she knew, in the best imaginable way.

Yet it reassured her that no matter how much had changed, he was exactly the same.

_They _were exactly the same, and everything would be okay.

Bella loved him more than she ever thought possible. Months passed, and so did years, and Bella built a life _with _Embry rather than around him.

But shortly after Christmas one year, everything changed again…

In the best possible way, even if it didn't feel that way at the time.

Standing just inside the bathroom doorway, a million thoughts ran through Bella's head. Turning her gaze, she watched Embry, who was leaning rigidly against the doorframe. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she handed him the little white stick.

The little white stick with the pretty pink plus sign.

She half-expected him to freak out. To get angry. To turn around, walk out the front door of her father's house in Forks, and never come back. She'd heard all the horror stories, seen it on television. There was nothing tying Embry to her, and he could do it, if he wanted - he could leave her to do it by herself.

To _raise a baby_ by herself.

Bella was scared. She was _terrified_. Heart hammering in her chest, she still watched Embry, wondering how it happened in the first place. She was only twenty-one years old, and Embry was only nineteen. She was still trying to finish school, taking online classes and working part-time at the Forks diner. Somewhere in between patrols and pack business, Embry and Quil got jobs at the marina, and Embry was only now starting to save money.

For their first place, he'd told her...

Bella hung onto that. She hung onto everything she knew and loved about him, telling herself she was overreacting.

At one point, Embry's copper cheeks turned white and she thought he might just pass out. She took a step forward, dipping her head to catch his frantic eyes, her own stare wide and wondering and pleading with him to say something. _Anything_.

In a handful of months, they were going to be parents.

And she could already tell… she would need him more in that moment than any of the ones that came before.

It took Embry several long seconds to remember to breathe, but eventually the glaze in his eyes receded. Blinking rapidly, his face softened when he saw the panicked expression on Bella's. Finally moving, he closed the distance between them, depositing the stick on the sink and taking her face purposefully between both hands. Those endless eyes searching hers, reassuring her, knowing what was wrong and putting it to rest with a single look before the smallest of smiles pulled at his lips.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. We can do this."

Once they went to the doctor - once they heard the heartbeat of the small life growing inside Bella, one she and Embry created together - life moved fast. Combining Embry's savings with a small loan from Bella's father, Charlie, Sue Clearwater helped them find a small, two-bedroom house on the edge of La Push, convincing the owner to take it off the market and rent it to Bella and Embry instead.

By the time she was halfway through her second trimester, Bella had done the best she could to turn the small house into a home. They didn't have brand new furniture or a flat-screen TV, but it didn't matter. They had each other, and for Bella, it was all she needed.

The house was never empty. It felt like they always had visitors. Sometimes it was Sam's wife Emily, who threw every ounce of domestic talent she had into helping Bella ready the second bedroom for the baby. Other times it was Quil, Jacob, and Paul, who would sit at their kitchen table with Embry for hours, drinking beers and laughing loudly at absolutely nothing. Sometimes it was Leah, who would steal Bella away, deposit the woman in her car, and drive aimlessly for hours. Claiming no matter how nice Bella was, sometimes it was okay to want a few moments to herself.

Jacob told her once it had a lot to do with the fact Bella was pregnant. Even though the baby wasn't there yet, it made the pack protective of her - of the life she carried. It was already part of their family, and Jacob just laughed, telling her she should probably get used to the company.

It didn't matter what they did, how they did it, or what Jacob told her - Bella was just happy they were there. That everyone _else _was happy. That everything would be fine and even if her and Embry _could _do it on their own, she knew they wouldn't have to.

In Bella's third trimester, Jacob imprinted on the new kindergarten teacher at the rez school.

The simple act of it shouldn't have bothered Bella as much as it did. Despite the fact it had already happened to Sam, Paul, and Jared, Bella had always pushed the possibility from her mind, telling herself what she and Embry had was stronger. That the choice they made was more permanent than any supernatural force.

Still, seeing it happen all over again, Bella couldn't help it as her mind wondered, knowing there were only weeks left before it would be about _more _than her and Embry. That because of what Embry was, their life could mean _nothing_. That fate could ultimately step in and decide he was meant for someone else.

That another life - one that didn't include Bella _or _their child - would be better suited for him.

Seeing Jacob and Anna together during those final weeks of her pregnancy, Bella worried about imprinting more than she should have. It was always in the back of her mind, especially when her belly grew so large she couldn't see her toes. When each passing day made the weight of what was coming more and more real. It fought its way to the front every few days or so - the lingering thought that whatever spirits were in charge could ultimately decide to step in and force her to do this on her own.

That they could take her daughter's father away.

They were standing in their kitchen when she finally told Embry what was bothering her. He regarded her for a moment - a patient, understanding expression resting on his face - before he took a step forward. Before he simply wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his body. Soothing her, he left soft, patient kisses on her forehead. His breath pushed through her hair and after a few moments, Bella couldn't remember what she was so worried about.

Because it didn't matter how many years had passed or how things continued to change, it worked every single time. Somehow, he always found a way to remind her _they _were the way things were supposed to be.

But just in case she didn't believe it, Embry whispered the words against the top of her head, squeezing her just a little tighter when he did.

Telling her one more time.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella - I promise."

...

Bella wished fate had chose imprinting.

* * *

_AN: Gah._

_Thoughts?_


	3. Chapter 2

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_____AN: __Thanks for all your notes so far! Keep pushing through - we'll get to sunshine soon! _

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Winter Ghosts" by JBM**_

_._

Bella was awake long before she noticed the sunshine.

There was so much of it, spilling through the cracks in the burgundy curtains. Its rays caught the dust motes in the air before washing over the carpeted floors.

But all Bella could do was blink - once, twice - before pulling her knees tighter against her chest. Before she somehow let her eyes sweep slowly over the dark, silent living room of her home, eventually falling to her left and landing on the thin quilt, piled in a disheveled heap on one end of the couch. The sheet beneath it, covering the nearly threadbare upholstery, was wrinkled and pulling off the cushions.

Releasing a deep, ragged breath, Bella tipped her head forward, pressing her mouth against the back of one of her knees. Shutting out the sun as she squeezed her eyes closed.

Refusing it in that moment. Refusing the light.

It didn't make sense to her - how it could be that way when she still felt so dark inside.

_So incredibly fucking empty…_

Empty...yet somehow Bella could still feel that constant, sharp pain in her chest, the first moments of morning carving out another little piece of her. Marking the start of another day.

It had been fourteen so far...

Fourteen days since Embry went away, swept from life and leaving them all behind. The reality of it - the aftermath - came and went in waves. Some days and moments within them were excruciating, while others Bella simply felt numb.

But the moment she awoke that morning, neck stiff from fourteen days of sleeping on the couch and cold streaks of moisture already on her cheeks, Bella knew right away that day was going to be worse than the others.

The crippling ache in her chest, consuming her before she even opened her eyes, only confirmed it.

In that moment, she _hated _him...for leaving.

For leaving her by herself.

_For leaving his family..._

Something new registered somewhere in Bella's foggy mind. She could hear the noises from the room just down the hall - muted words, coming from a small body. So heavy with innocence, it only made it worse. It only made it hurt more - that little, untainted voice that didn't know any better, too young to understand how long it had been and what exactly it meant.

Bella's eyes burned fiercely behind closed lids. Her wrung-out heart, combined with what she could hear down the hallway, was almost too much. She'd known pain before - loss, heartbreak, but it was nothing like this. Before, there was always a shred of solace - a knowledge that time would heal it. That it would make everything better. That eventually things would return to normal and life would go on.

This time, Bella couldn't see it.

She couldn't fathom how this would ever be better. How it would ever stop hurting. How things for her and her daughter would ever be normal or right again.

A silent sob tore at Bella's chest, but she swallowed it back when she heard it - a single word, pushed from tiny lungs. It was a call to her, urging Bella to get up. To start her day. To go through the motions and, at the very least, remember the only reason she needed to.

She needed to move...

Still, Bella didn't open her eyes, imagining Maddie behind them. Imagining what she would see when she stood and walked into the little girl's bedroom. How she'd still be tucked under her blankets, her pink stuffed rabbit with matted fur clutched to her chest, watching her mother walk through the door with wide, ebony eyes.

_Those eyes…_

They were so much alike...and for fourteen days, Bella _feared _them. She feared them because all she could see in her daughter's eyes were memories of another pair - identical ones that used to watch her from across the pillows on their bed. Ones that would trace her features, memorizing every line - every facet - before he would lean across the distance separating them, fingers ghosting over her cheek before he gently pressed his lips to hers…

She could still feel it, when she took a moment - when she concentrated, remembering and cataloging exactly where his fingers rested. How the heat from each one soaked into her skin, warming her from the inside out.

But it went away as quickly as it came, replaced with a searing hopelessness when Bella remembered how she'd never feel it again.

_God, it was too much..._

But she had to.

No matter what she _had to move_, even if it was only as far as her daughter's room, before the others showed up. Before whomever was scheduled to check in on them that day found her on the couch and realized another night had gone by where she'd been unable to sleep in her own bedroom.

Before they realized that maybe she didn't _want _to move anymore than she already had. Not yet.

Like clockwork, one of them came everyday to look in on them. They washed the dirty dishes in the sink, or threw together a casserole for dinner so Bella wouldn't have to think about it or do it herself.

She appreciated it, but a part of her just wished they wouldn't. Everyone else was grieving, too - in their own ways - and a part of her just wished they'd leave it for her. No matter how much effort it took for her to complete, the distraction was better than the alternative - than an empty brain with too much time to think about everything else.

But they always showed up. They were pack, and they wouldn't abandon their own.

Not in life…

Not in death.

Bella missed the light knocking on the kitchen door. Holding her breath, she realized it was too late - that someone had already showed up before she _could _move. She thought about standing up but could only open her eyes as another sound - the sound of a door opening, of soft footsteps in the hallway - pierced the smothering silence in a house still standing vigil.

Taking a breath, Bella pulled away from herself slightly, noticing for the first time the circle of moisture on her cotton pants, soaked through just above the knee. She released her hold on her legs long enough to reach up, to swipe the rest of the wetness from her cheeks, trying to push it all away, or - at the very least - bottle it up for later.

"Bells?"

Bella didn't have to look - she recognized the voice as soon as it entered the living room through the kitchen. A deep, rich baritone she'd know anywhere. One that, for as long as she could remember, had somehow always brought her comfort. One that always was able to make things better for her.

Until now.

Drawing in a long, labored breath through parted lips, Bella finally looked toward the doorway.

She barely moved, but somehow her gaze found the one Jacob Black gave her in return...and the look on his face only made it worse.

He tried to smile - a kind of half-gesture that didn't do much to comfort or soothe Bella, because she was sure Jacob held just as much hurt inside him, too. There wasn't a single soul on La Push who didn't love Embry, and he was one of Jacob's closest friends. There wasn't a single person who didn't adore the man he was. Who wouldn't miss him if he went away...

On closer look, Bella guessed Jacob's eyes closely resembled hers.

Bella's mouth opened, but nothing came out. Still watching him, she closed it instead, swallowing - a thick, difficult movement as it fought past the tightness in her chest.

Jacob stepped into the room, an inexplicable warmth somehow filtering into his eyes. Shoving his hands in his pockets, his gaze scanned the room, the subtle gesture accompanied by a blatant glaze of concern seeping across his expression.

He looked back to her. "You doing okay, honey?"

Heat pricked at Bella's eyes before she glanced away quickly, expecting nothing less from Jacob. Still, she somehow managed to swallow back the answer she wanted to say. To contain the part of her that wanted to scream, sick of hearing that question. She pushed down words that would order Jacob to get the hell out of her house and leave her alone. To stop checking and to stop _asking _how she was. Wanting them _all _to stop wondering if she was okay.

Mostly because it was a stupid question - one with an answer they should have already known.

_She fucking wasn't okay. _

Jacob was her family. They all were, but she didn't want them. Not right now. Not like she used to.

Her family was Maddie. Her family was _Embry_, and only one of them was still there.

And in that moment, all she wanted was that.

Her eyes finding a home on the silent television, Bella reached up, pushing her fingers through her tangled hair. It had been a couple days since she looked in the mirror, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Not when what she looked like on the outside seemed of little consequence when held up against her insides.

Jacob's heavy footsteps echoed in her ears, but Bella still didn't look at him.

"I'm here now," Jacob whispered, and in that moment, Bella realized he was right in front of her. His tall frame bending until he was crouched down, his eyes now level with hers. His wide and imploring, silently asking her to _see _him even though she was looking right at him. "What do you need, Bells?"

Letting her hand fall listlessly to the couch, Bella finally blinked, focusing on those onyx eyes watching her carefully. Feeling his hand on her knee, the heat from it soaked through the thin material of her pants. The action caused her eyes to close anyway. It made that ache flare again, ebbing only slightly when Jacob's thumb swept aimless half-circles against her leg. Soothing her, like he would a small child.

And Bella didn't argue, because despite her earlier wish - despite her telling herself she didn't want any of it - she was suddenly glad he was there with her, siphoning some of that sadness with every brush of his thumb. Easing that throbbing ache in her chest just enough for Bella to take a breath, her grip loosening on herself.

Just enough to let go...

Just enough to hear the noises from down the hallway again.

_Her family..._

The one person that needed her, even if she still had no idea how they would make it past that morning.

Jacob blinked, his gaze flicking toward the hallway. He glanced back, releasing a labored breath, an unfathomable heaviness in his eyes. "Maddie's awake."

It took every ounce of strength inside Bella to nod.

"I know," she whispered.

Jacob leaned forward slightly, bringing his other hand to her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I saw some things that need to be done outside. I'm gonna go take care of that, okay?"

Bella looked away, taking several moments to push a single words from between dry lips.

"Okay."

Jacob squeezed again. "I'll stop back in when I'm done."

More long moments passed before Bella nodded, her blank stare abandoning Jacob's long before. Looking at nothing again, but still registering when he stood. When he bent forward, warm lips leaving a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

Bella closed her eyes on the ache - on the hot, unbearable moisture in her eyes. Somehow listening to Jacob's retreating footsteps, keeping time to her pounding heart, which was still beating no matter how she felt. No matter what she wanted.

Once she heard the door close behind Jacob, it took every bit of strength inside Bella to stand up - to drop her feet to the floor and press her hands to the cushions beneath her. To make her body cooperate when all she wanted was to lay back down - to pull the quilt over her head and stay there until Embry walked through the kitchen door and told her it was all a really dumb joke...

But it wasn't.

Because the silence was still deafening. That ache was still there.

The kitchen door stayed closed.

Finally on her feet, Bella had to tell herself to move. Licking her chapped lips, she tasted the saltiness from the moisture lingering on them. As she approached the hallway, she reached up with her fingers, smudging the wet lines carving new paths into her cheeks - ones she hadn't even realized were there.

Stopping outside her daughter's door, Bella hesitated for a single moment, inexplicably bracing herself for both the worst and best reminder of what she lost...

Holding her breath, Bella pushed open the door the rest of the way, greeted by a room filled with sunshine. With bright colors. With a light that somehow contrasted every other room in the house.

Met by a small pair of wide ebony eyes, watching her from a face pressed tiredly to a pink pillow.

It was enough to make Bella pause, hating herself because of what it did to her in that single moment. For how she felt when she saw those eyes. For what it made her remember.

Reminding Bella again how her little girl seemed to be the only thing that could both comfort her and bring her completely to her knees.

Bella watched her daughter. She saw the little pink rabbit Maddie was holding to her chest. How long, black lashes brushed over round, caramel cheeks. How her dark brown hair was in disarray, the color of it a stark contrast to the sheets and blankets surrounding her.

Realizing she had yet to move, Bella lost the breath in her lungs when the little girl threw her arms out, tiny hands grasping thin air but every part of her reaching for Bella. Wanting her mother.

Bella could feel something else, even as she somehow managed to smile - the gesture doing what it could to overshadow the tight knot crawling viciously up her throat. To soothe the debilitating burning in her eyes.

Because no matter what they lost - no matter how badly it hurt or what memories that came with it - Bella still loved the little girl with every shredded piece of her heart.

She still had to be there…

Because she was all Maddie had left.

Bella's feet carried her across the small room. The little girl didn't move - she simply watched her mother as Bella found herself crawling onto the toddler bed that was entirely too small for her to fit. Not caring as she laid down beside her daughter, reaching out and wrapping her arms around Maddie's small, warm frame.

The little girl didn't make a sound. She didn't squirm or struggle or protest, instead pushing out a small breath and snuggling into her mother's chest, tiny fingers gripping the buttons on Bella's nightshirt. Reaching up with one hand, Bella smoothed Maddie's hair, leaving a kiss on the top of her head before pressing her mouth against the little girl's hair. Feeling that ache again as she reached down with one hand, pulling the blanket around them both.

Closing her eyes, Bella hugged Maddie to her chest, tighter than she probably should have. Wanting to brush her own tears off the little girl's silken hair but refusing to move.

Refusing to let go.

Both amazed and inexplicably grateful that her daughter didn't make a sound. That she stayed completely still, giving Bella this moment, even if she was entirely too young to understand why her mother needed it as much as she did.

The little girl somehow making it better for her, in the only way she knew how.

* * *

_AN: ..._

_Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 3

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s__ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Sailed On" by Landon Pigg**_

_._

Bella was washing dishes when she found out.

A month earlier, standing in a spot similar to the one she was now, Bella could remember it clearly as lukewarm water rushed between her fingers. Bringing it all back as she robotically grasped a plate, taking entirely too long to find the dish rag beneath the suds.

To remember why it was she was doing this, putting every ounce of concentration into such a simple, mundane task.

It was just like everything else she had to do. Time still hadn't helped. She was going through the motions, necessary mental instruction telling her how to complete each task.

_Get dressed. _

_Go to the bathroom._

_Breathe in..._

_Breathe out._

Still, Bella felt like she hadn't truly taken a breath since that day weeks ago…

Since moments before heavy, sullen footsteps trudged through the door of Sam and Emily's cabin. One by one, each member of the pack filed into the kitchen, covered in bruises and deep scrapes. Physically, they were there. They were alive, but something on their faces said differently.

Something confirmed that below the surface, that may not have been the case.

Bella had been baking before it all began, peering over her shoulder with a smile to see Maddie using every ounce of strength she possessed inside her little body as she tried to stir a huge batch of chocolate chip cookie dough. The little girl had flour all over her - laced in sticky patches up her arms, stuck in clumps in her hair.

Bella had just turned back to the stove when she heard it through the open window, left open a crack to let in the cool late February air, ridding the kitchen of the excessive heat caused by the oven.

A long, drawn-out howl.

The noise was deep and urgent. Commanding.

Bella's breath hitched in her chest. It was a sound she knew by heart, the purpose of it cutting and clear in her mind. She knew what it meant, and she knew what she was supposed to do.

Embry wasn't home, so Bella knew he was probably already where he was needed. She turned off the oven and gathered a bag and their daughter in trembling arms, ignoring the way her heart pounded - the quick, red-hot fear coursing through her veins the same way it always did - as they sped to the other side of the reservation to Sam and Emily's. It was the place all the imprints - the imprints and Bella - gathered when the pack was dealing with a threat.

It was something Jacob required, now that he had Anna. Now that he understood how much of a distraction it was when they were fighting - when lethal, calculating instincts were divided by the constant worry for the safety of the other pack members. The ones who _didn't _phase. They were instructed to go to Emily's, all of them - Bella and Maddie. Anna. Rachel, Paul's imprint and Jacob's sister. Jared's imprint, Kim. Emily and Sam's little boy, Levi. They were all there.

And no matter how long it took - no matter how they all tried to distract themselves - the tension was always palpable. The distressed looks on their faces were entirely too apparent because in reality, all they could do was wait.

That day was no exception.

Bella had pulled into the driveway of Sam and Emily's home. She climbed out of the car, moving to the back and pulling Maddie from her seat. The little girl clung to her, knowing something was wrong but smiling anyway when Bella turned around - when they were both greeted by Collin, who huffed a punctuated greeting from canine lungs before he returned to pacing frenetic ruts into the cabin's front lawn.

"Puppy, Mommy..."

It was a site Maddie was used to, and Collin was standing guard. Protecting them and keeping watch, should the threat move close to the people who mattered most to the pack.

The scenario was the same, repeated enough times over five years that Bella lost count. So many times that she shouldn't be worried.

Still, once Maddie was in the living room with Levi, parked in front of a movie, Bella took a moment. Bracing herself against the wall with one hand, she pulled in a deep breath between dry lips. She did what she needed to get rid of the nagging feeling in her gut, the one telling her something wasn't right.

An inexplicable fear she couldn't put her finger on but felt all the same.

A fear she should have listened to, even if there was absolutely nothing she could have done.

Normally, it was easy to keep distracted, but that time was entirely different. Emily, Rachel, and Kim tried to keep a conversation going, despite Bella ignoring them all, busying herself with the dishes instead. Distracting herself in her own way. Despite how Anna sat stiff and silent at the kitchen table, still not entirely used to what was happening as she chewed her fingernails to the quick.

Bella appreciated the others for trying to keep the atmosphere light and soothing, but their efforts had been negated from the start. None of them could ignore the anxious, harrowed noises coming from the front yard - the sounds Collin made as a battle they couldn't see played out in his mind. As he whimpered and whined for nearly an hour straight, his body pulling him away from the front porch on more than one occasion before he faltered beneath an invisible, silent order. Before he fell back, returning to his post with a miserable, exhausted huff.

Knowing it wasn't normally like that, it unhinged everyone in the house. The younger members of the pack usually understood their role. They knew they needed to stay strong for those who waited in the house, because they felt it all, too, even if they weren't part of the fighting. Even if they weren't on the front lines.

And because of it, none of them were able to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

It wasn't until a low, mournful howl from outside pierced the silence in the kitchen - when Emily let a plate slip from between her fingers, the dish shattering into a million tiny pieces as it hit the hardwood floor - that Bella knew they were right.

It took nearly two hours for the pack to find their way back to the house.

It took Bella a single second to realize someone was missing.

It took less than that for everything inside her to turn inside out, her gaze sweeping frantically to every single face in the kitchen. Ignoring how not a single one of them would look her in the eye.

Bella swallowed, but it got stuck in her throat, the tightness in her chest making the tiny response impossible.

"Where's Embry?" she whispered.

It was Jacob who told her. It was Jacob who finally took a step forward from his place on the other side of the kitchen. It was Jacob who finally looked at her, eyes glassy and destroyed as his lips parted - as he shook his head, over and over. Buying himself time to make sure he could say the words.

To make sure he was strong enough to be the one who would destroy a life.

Bella took a step forward, that same tightness encasing her insides. Bearing down, everything inside her crushed beneath its weight.

"No…"

She whispered it from between clenched teeth, ignoring the lone tear that slipped down Jacob's bloody cheek. Ignoring how Emily's hands flew to her mouth. Ignoring how the rest of the pack dipped their heads. How Leah turned away. How Paul buried his face in his hands, his shoulders inexplicably shaking beneath an invisible weight. Ignoring how Quil - who was the closest one to her - took an inherent step toward her.

"No!" she repeated forcefully, her hands clenching into tight fists at her sides, fingernails digging unforgivingly into her flesh.

Jacob's face crumpled, but he never looked away. He never released her eyes, even when he swallowed. Even when his voice cracked beneath the words he said next.

"I'm so sorry, Bella…"

Quil was still standing closest to her, and somehow he was there. Somehow he managed to gather her in his arms before she collapsed, wrapping each one tightly around her body. Holding his breath - staying strong, somehow - as silent, painful sobs racked every part of her frame. As her tears dripped onto Quil's searing flesh, evaporating before the sound of her cries eventually filled the suffocating silence in the kitchen. As she could feel the fissure start at the bottom of her heart - moving up, tearing her in two when it did.

Everyone else refused to move, paralyzed by their own grief. Unable to speak a word.

Everything they felt coming to life through the small girl falling apart in front of them.

...

They eventually moved, but Bella was still trying to remember how.

* * *

_A big thanks to those who have stuck with me so far. I know this grief is tough to read, I just need to get Bella to a place where she recognizes she needs some help_

_Adore you all. :)_

_Thoughts?_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Suggested Listening: "Where Do I Even Start?" by Morgan Taylor Reid**_

_._

Fifty-four days passed, and Bella had more bad ones than good.

The pack still showed up. Each day, one of them was there, and each day, their eyes were a little more resigned - a little more _hopeless _as they found Bella exactly the way she was the day before.

Stuck. Still mourning. Barely breathing.

Going through the motions, but slipping farther and farther into a place that in no way resembled the life she had before.

She couldn't pull herself out of it. She barely left the house, even though it was the one place that made it worse - that reminded her the most. Everything there was an unintentional shrine - the photos on her bedroom dresser, Embry's clothes in the closet.

The small, emerald engagement ring Bella refused to take off the third finger of her left hand.

They had planned forever, but there was never enough money for the wedding Embry felt they deserved. Bella told him it didn't matter, but he always told her it did. So they consistently put it off. They waited, thinking they had all the time in the world. Finally setting a date on Maddie's second birthday the previous October.

Now, every time she looked it, all Bella could envision was a mild Saturday in September that she and her family would never see.

It killed her, but she couldn't release her grip on that life. She couldn't see past that day.

She couldn't see the life Embry would have wanted her to keep living.

The cost was too high. Too much.

But the person paying the heaviest price of all was the little girl Bella wasn't always able to be strong for.

Maddie had always been her father's daughter - quiet, patient. She'd come into the world with so little fanfare - two hours into labor, Bella barely made it to the hospital before she was holding her daughter in her arms. Maddie rarely threw fits and would be content to sit at the kitchen table in her booster seat for hours and hours, aimlessly scratching her crayons on a piece of paper. Fascinated by the colors and the movements, even if she was still too young to stay inside the lines. To create something recognizable.

Sometimes, Embry would color with her.

Like any child there were times when all Maddie wanted was her mother and no one else would do. But even when she was a baby, it was clear which parent was her daughter's favorite. At some point, Bella wondered if it should bother her, but she couldn't find it inside her to mind. She couldn't bring herself to argue when she'd come home from work to find Maddie curled up on Embry's chest, both of them napping on the couch. When his voice - the warmth of being cradled in his arms - was the only thing to stop her tears in the middle of the night.

Despite growing up without one, Embry was a better father than anyone could have possibly imagined.

And Maddie missed her father.

After the first month passed, the little girl occupied herself less and less. She _smiled _less, and clung to Bella more. She cried more than she ever had in her short two and a half years of life. Bella tried her best, but quickly lost hope when it seemed like nothing she would do or say could ease the little girl's need. Her tears.

It wasn't until Maddie started having nightmares that Bella felt like the worst mother in the world.

She would go to the little girl at first, holding her. Rocking her soothingly, Bella bit down hard on her to lip, drawing the pain away from her chest when Maddie would push one word out between choking sobs and deep hiccups. Wanting the one person who couldn't be there. Who couldn't make it better.

Some nights though, Bella would simply lay on the couch, streams of hot, wretched tears leaking from her eyes as she listened to her daughter cry. As she couldn't bring herself to get up, to try and soothe her, because she knew it wouldn't make a difference. She knew there were no words she could say to her little girl that would help her understand. That held any real comfort, even to the person speaking them.

Bella had no idea what to do or what could make it better...for Maddie, for her. What could fill that empty hole in their lives.

Especially when Bella continued to turn her back on every single person who tried to help, somehow convincing herself it wasn't what they needed. That it wouldn't make a difference.

One day, it was Quil who appeared in her kitchen.

He'd been there before...several times. He had been Bella's friend for as long as Embry had been a part of her life, and he was Embry's best friend, too. It might have explained why Quil always lingered long after Bella dismissed him, telling him to go home.

That particular day he asked Bella if he could take Maddie for the afternoon, claiming it would give Bella some time to get some things done. That it would get the little girl out of the house so she could spend some quality time with her uncle Quil.

Bella's answer was a swift, resounding "no."

It was the same response she always gave him.

Still, a buried, nagging part of Bella felt bad moments after she uttered the word. Quil's lips parted helplessly and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Taking a moment, almost like he was trying to think of something to say. Deciding whether or not to plead with her. To argue with her.

But he never did, his gaze falling instead.

Refusing to look at her as he turned and walked out of the house without a single word.

It was too familiar - the look on his face when he left.

She'd always liked Quil - nothing fazed him. His hopeless optimism was his greatest strength, yet it was something the pack had always discredited him for. They brushed him off, telling him he could never take anything seriously.

Bella never had though.

The same things that often drove the others nuts were the same things Bella admired Quil most for - making anyone around him laugh, being that source of light when everyone else preferred to be in the dark, being a faithful friend who never held a grudge and very rarely had a bad word to say about anyone.

He took life with a grain of salt, every single day, with a friendly heart and that same kind smile. It was a trait not many could say they possessed.

And for some unexplainable reason, Bella stood in the kitchen long after he left, trying to remember but unable to recall the last time she'd seen Quil smile - that optimistic grin she was used to. The one before everything happened and their lives were turned upside down.

She hadn't seen that smile since Embry went away.

And as much as it killed her to admit it, another part of Bella regretted telling Quil to leave.

The same part of her that thought maybe if she would have allowed him to stay, she would have seen it...that smile.

That maybe a smile was exactly what they needed in their dark, suffocating house.

How maybe one day of it would have made a difference.

* * *

_AN: This one sucked a little bit to write..._

_Thoughts?_


	6. Chapter 5

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Daniel" by Joshua James**_

_._

Quil had never been good at dealing with grief.

His dad died when he was little. He went to the funeral, and even though he could barely remember it, Quil recalled plain as day that he didn't shed a single tear during it. That he didn't cry even when he could hear his mother doing it at the kitchen table for nights after.

He didn't cry.

His father always told him that boys didn't cry, and he remembered being entirely too angry because of it.

He remembered what it did to him and how it felt, and how he finally broke down and let it go after Billy Black looked directly into his eyes and told him he was no less of a man if he needed to cry.

He cried, but only that once. He let go of the rest of it once he did.

Quil had no problem crying when Embry died.

Aside from him, the pack had fully embraced every single stage of grief, some more than others. Some only went through a single stage, while others went through the entire gamut of them.

Jacob buried himself in his work, fixing and changing the oil in every single engine this side of the Quillayute River. After the first two weeks, and for almost a month after that, he had the pack train every single day for hours at a time. Working on defense tactics. Increasing their offensive teamwork.

He didn't have to say it, because Quil could read between the lines.

Jacob was coming up with ways to make sure what happened to Embry never happened again.

Jacob had never been very good at grief either.

Paul yelled at everything and every person that crossed his path. Jared locked Kim in their house and fucked it out of his system. Leah disappeared into the mountains for almost a week, "taking a break" as she called it, and Seth walked around like a zombie. Sam fared better than most of them. He was stoic, unyielding, the same way he always had been, but even Quil had seen him turn away at the funeral. Taking a minute for himself and no one else.

The imprints cried too, and Quil really couldn't blame them.

They'd all moved through their stages, and after three months, were finally trying to pick up the pieces of their severed lives. To put back together their broken pack, and find some kind of a way to deal with the glaring absence in it.

And no matter how badly it hurt, no matter how much he missed his best friend, Quil kept moving...through it all. There were moments he took to himself, too. More often than not, he would go down to the basement in his mom's house, losing track of the hours as he took out every ounce of anger, hurt, and aggression inside him on the punching bag hanging from the floor beams.

Only stopping when he wasn't sure where the sweat started and the tears stopped.

But he kept moving, because he didn't want to get stuck in that fucking spiral also known as _his _grief. He didn't want to go to that place he was when he was little. He refused.

But what killed him more is how he could see Bella going to that place.

How he could see her inadvertently taking Maddie with her.

Sometimes, people thought Quil was stupid. That he simply didn't comprehend things, but in reality, it couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, Quil saw everything. He saw what was happening and what _wasn't _happening.

He saw that even though he claimed to be moving, in reality, he was fucking stuck.

He laid in bed at night and realized he had done nothing he said he would. He had broken the only promise he made, and he hadn't been there. He had walked away every single time he tried, not wanting to push Bella. Not wanting to insert himself into her life when she was still so clearly figuring out how to live in it again…

Fuck, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to get through to her. How to help.

How to be there...

But he had to keep trying. He just fucking had to, because he promised.

Quil was sure he had broken a lot of promises in his life.

And this wasn't going to be one of them.

* * *

_AN: A little glimpse into where Quil and the rest of the pack are at..._

_The next chapter should be the last of the worst, as I've dubbed them. Then we'll start to see some bits of sunshine and healing. Thanks so much for your support, everyone!_

_Thoughts on this?_


	7. Chapter 6

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN: **And here we are...the last of the worst. Things will start moving after this. We'll see a little more sunshine, and then a little more. Granted, there will still be tough moments, but none like the 7 chapters you guys just pushed through. Again, I adore you all and thank you so much for coming on this journey with me!_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Empty" by Ray LaMontagne**_

_._

Bella stood in the doorway of Maddie's room. She blinked once - twice - trying to confirm what she was seeing as truth. To make sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her.

She blinked one more time for good measure, also trying to ignore that visceral panic crawling its way up her chest and winding around her throat.

Unable to, because it started several moments before when Bella awoke from a nap and walked mechanically down the hallway to wake her daughter up from hers.

When she found Maddie's bed empty.

Bella stood completely still - frozen, even though her mind was pulling her in a hundred different directions. Even though her heart suddenly was pounding in her chest, pushing adrenaline through her veins with every single beat.

Reminding her she couldn't just stand there.

Telling her she needed to move.

"Maddie?" With an anxious cry, Bella managed to free her leaden feet from where they rested, turning her body and walking down the narrow hallway. Checking the bathroom. "Maddie!" Pushing back into her bedroom, she checked the closet. Under the bed. Behind the door.

No Maddie.

Bella stumbled down the hallway, the pitch of her voice rising - the panic in it increasing - as she called out again.

"Madeline Call, this isn't funny! Mommy doesn't want to play hide and seek right now, honey, so please come out!"

Bella turned the house upside down, brushing anxious, hot tears from her cheeks when her search came up with nothing. When she realized her daughter was, in fact, nowhere inside its four walls. Bella frantically wondered where she could have gone, if it would have been possible for her to somehow reach the door handle. To turn it. To wander off somewhere without Bella realizing it.

"God…" The word was a half-sob, half-groan. That feeling was back - that persistent, cloying one that resided just beneath the residual ache in her insides. The one that screamed at her, telling her she was screwing this up. Being there, being a good parent - it didn't matter. All the shoes seemed to fit.

Collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table, fingers fumbled with her cell phone. Dialing Jacob and Anna first, Bella chewed on a fingernail as it rang. Once, twice, three times - her heart dropping in her chest when the fifth ring came and went and no one picked up the phone.

She tried Emily next, her fingers shaking so bad she almost couldn't press the buttons, her breaths coming in short, muted gasps as it started to ring.

Breathing a heavy sigh of relief when Emily picked up after the third ring.

"Emily? It's Bella. I...I can't find Maddie."

There was a moment of silence on Emily's end of the phone, like the question was the dumbest thing the other woman had heard all day.

"_What do you mean you can't find Maddie?"_

"Emily! I can't find her! She's not here. I've looked all over this house and I can't find her anywhere!" Fingers curling impossibly tighter around the phone, Bella could feel the panic overtaking her better sense. Her voice wavered, rising in pitch as she pressed on. "I don't...I don't know where she is…"

"_Bella, honey, calm down. Did you call Quil?"_

Mouth agape, Bella was stunned, the question making no sense and somehow sweeping the words from Bella's lips.

"Why would I call Quil?"

Emily paused.

"_Because he mentioned to me he was dropping by your place later to take Maddie to get ice cream. Did he not tell you?"_

Bella still didn't speak a word. It would have been impossible to get another one out because she was too busy trying to swallow back the ball of fire in her throat - the anger she could feel forming in her gut.

"Bella, I'm sure she's fine. Why don't you just give Quil a call…"

But Bella missed the rest of what the other woman had to say, already on her feet. An inexplicably steady finger hung up on Emily before she pushed the phone into her back jeans pocket. Before purposeful feet carried her from the kitchen to the back door, grabbing her rain jacket and her keys without so much as a pause.

Bella didn't cry as she drove the winding road from La Push into Forks. She didn't feel _anything_ as she pressed the accelerator to the floor, carelessly navigating the curves - nothing, with the exception of a pounding pulse in her ears. Except for the red around the edges of her vision and the urgency to get to where she was going.

She didn't speak, but she said a little prayer for Quil as she fought to drive the speed limit down Forks' main road.

Because as angry as she was in that moment, she was pretty sure she was going to hurt him.

Bella turned into the diner parking lot, the car tires throwing gravel as she ripped into a parking spot. Slamming the car into park, Bella didn't bother to pull the keys from the ignition, scrambling out of the vehicle with a purpose that scared the shit out of her.

The bell above the door announced Bella's arrival and, for a single moment, she realized this was the first time she'd been in her former place of employment since…

And she could tell - how some of the servers were suddenly frozen in their tasks, wide, sympathetic eyes watching her warily.

But Bella wasn't paying attention to that. She wasn't concerned with their condolences or their sad looks or the questions she was sure they would try to ask.

She didn't care about that.

The only thing she cared about was sitting in a corner booth, facing her. Sticking her tiny hand completely into a chocolate milkshake before removing it and placing the hand in question in her mouth.

The only thing she cared about was what she was going to do to the man who had his back turned to her.

Gritting her teeth, Bella remembered why she was there, uncharacteristic fluid movements allowing her to navigate effortlessly between the tables. Approaching the corner booth, she thought of all the restrained things she was going to say in front of her daughter, and all the not-so-nice things she planned to say once her little girl was out of earshot.

Bella was about two booths away when Maddie pulled her hand from her mouth.

When that same mouth erupted into the most blinding grin Bella had seen in months. When it was followed by peals of laughter, a brilliant sound filling the corner of the stodgy diner.

It was enough to stop Bella in her tracks.

It was enough to make her pause, her heart - for a single moment - ceasing to beat altogether, the useless organ not wanting her to miss a single second of what was happening.

She didn't.

The sound was beautiful, and for a split second, it made Bella's heart ache with something else. With longing, with pride…

With _happiness_, because it had been entirely too long since she heard her daughter laugh.

But even as Bella tried to let the sound of it permeate the thick anger - to cut through the agitation still lingering in her veins - it didn't negate the reason it came to be. How it happened. How the person responsible for her in that moment had forgotten to tell her…

It was enough...to bring all the anger back.

To make Bella move again.

Maddie saw her mother first, dancing, ebony eyes peering up at her. Bella could see the little girl had milkshake everywhere - in her pigtails, all over her face, down the front of her shirt.

"Hi, Mommy…"

Bella took a deep, calming breath, offering her daughter a tiny smile - lingering for a moment as her feet came to a rest in front of the booth. As she turned her gaze to the right.

Finding Quil...even though her eyes automatically dropped to the whipped cream he'd piled on the tip of his nose. And the cherry he'd placed on top of that. When it became clear what her daughter had been laughing at.

Bella ground her teeth together, the ferocity she felt in that moment doing little to make the sight amusing for her.

However, Quil looked less than fazed she was there, even though she was sure she was glaring daggers through his head. With a grin, he reached up, plucking the cherry from its resting place before depositing in his mouth.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted cordially between chews.

"You have whipped cream on your nose, Quil…"

Quil shrugged, flashing a wide grin at Maddie before he reached for his napkin, removing the white, sugary concoction from his face in one swift movement. "I was just trying to show Miss Maddie here what she looks like with ice cream all over her face, but I think she likes the look better on me."

Bella bit the inside of her cheek, trying to temper the anger inside her - how Quil's lackadaisical attitude was only making it worse.

Her voice was low and non-negotiable when she finally spoke.

"Quil, can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

It wasn't until then that the smile on Quil's mouth drooped. That all joking disappeared from his eyes as she stared up at her.

"But...can we leave Maddie…?"

"Cora can watch her for a few minutes," Bella interjected, her eyes flicking toward the waitress behind the counter.

A few moments passed before Quil swallowed, before Bella noticed the defeated glaze creep over his eyes.

"Okay."

Once Cora made her way over to the booth, Bella could feel Quil's large frame following her outside. The door jingled closed behind them but Bella kept walking, leading Quil around the side of the diner. Finally stopping, she simply stared at her feet - feeling it all come to a head. Feeling it all wanting to come out when she heard Quil shuffle between her and building.

"Bella, listen…"

He never got to finish his sentence.

Without thinking, Bella spun around.

"You son of a bitch," she spat out from between clenched teeth, reaching out and pushing Quil against the building with every ounce of strength she held inside her petite body. A part of her was surprised how easily he let her. How his blank stare pulled away for a single moment before finding hers again.

"I don't know what kind of world you live in, Quil, but in my world, you can't just take someone's child!" Bella seethed, wildly shaking her head in frustration. "What gives you the right...who told you…" She attempted to get the words out, trying to see Quil through burning, liquid eyes. "What makes you think you can just come into my house and take my daughter without so much as a fucking word to me?"

Quil's lips parted, like he was going to respond, but Bella didn't give him the chance, the anger boiling through her veins making it close to impossible.

The helpless, frenetic, justified, _irrational _anger urging her to keep going.

"Why?" The word tumbled from Bella's lips, pushing Quil again as he bit hard on his lower lip. As he tried to harness every ounce of patience inside him. "Why would you do it, Quil? Tell me why you'd do something like that when you know…"

"Because I promised him, Bella!"

Bella's words cut off in her throat, her mouth hanging open when Quil finally took a step forward. When his booming, heated response caused her to almost take a step back. Those dull, defeated eyes Quil had moments earlier suddenly wild and pleading, bearing down on her.

Ignoring the curious stares of a group of people walking out of the diner and to their car, Bella could feel that anger washing away, replaced once again with the pointed, paralyzing ache she was used to.

"Wh...what did you say?" she stammered, the words barely audible as she regarded Quil with wide eyes.

Pursing his lips, Quil took a deep breath, softening his expression. "Because you wouldn't let me...and I promised him," he repeated softly.

Bella's eyes flickered down. Squeezing them shut, she tried to ignore how Quil's words - such small, innocent words - somehow managed to wrap around her heart. How, in a single breath, each one seemed to soothe it and make the ache worse.

Still, she shook her head, gathering every ounce of strength she had to look up. That small, nagging part of her still not wanting any help, no matter where it came from.

"No...it doesn't matter, Quil. You still don't get to come in and take her and not tell me. Not after everything…" Bella stopped, lips still parted as she squeezed her eyes shut, still unable to say it.

She didn't open them until she felt felt Quil step closer to her.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just...didn't want to wake you," he murmured, lifting a sincere brow. "I left you a note..."

Bella shook her head again in disbelief. "No...you didn't."

"I _did_," Quil insisted, running an anxious hand through his disheveled hair. "I left it hanging on the refrigerator."

Blinking in shock, Bella tried to remember, her mind retracing her steps as she looked for Maddie. How, in her panic and haste, she hadn't even thought to look for a note…

"Bella, I just wanted to…"

"Quil!" Bella interrupted forcefully, tipping her head toward the sky and ignoring how one frustrated tear leaked from the corner of her eye.

She was so tired...so tired of fucking crying. Of fighting...all of it.

Still, she looked back to him, ignoring the painful grimace pulling at his features. "Maddie doesn't..._we_ don't _need_ you to come in...to be there."

Frowning, Quil's brows pulled down between his eyes. "Did you see her in there, Bella? I mean, did you consider not being mad at me for one second when you actually _looked_ at her?"

Bella didn't say a word, because she _had _considered it.

In that moment, she could remember exactly how it made her feel when she heard her daughter's laugh.

Quil took another step forward, stealing the breath from Bella's lungs when he took her by the shoulders, a desperate darkness in his eyes. A plea for her to understand.

"I'm not..._trying_ to force you to do something you don't wanna do, Bella," he whispered, shaking her slightly, causing Bella's arms to fall listlessly to her sides. "But I had to do _something_. That little girl doesn't fucking smile anymore. Neither do you, and...you need to let me help you. Because I want to...and because we're your family, too, and I _promised him_ I would fucking _be there_."

Bella released a ragged breath, suddenly realizing she had been holding it. She held his eyes even though her body went slack beneath his hands, a part of her heartbroken all over again as she imagined Embry speaking those words. As she heard his voice in her head, making Quil promise.

But in that moment, what hurt worse was knowing Quil was right. How he'd echoed Bella's own thoughts from earlier.

How she _couldn't _remember.

How her energetic, bright, happy little girl hadn't smiled in entirely too long.

How Bella was still so lost, so _tired_, and so on the cusp of giving up completely, it had taken her entirely too long to see it.

"Just let me be around, Bella. That's all I'm asking."

Quil's voice was distant. Pained. His request a part of his own grief, so tangible in his words that even Bella could feel it.

"Please…"

Bella didn't respond.

Instead, she conceded.

Instead, she gave into the exhaustion she could feel weighing down every single part of her body.

Taking a step forward, Bella closed her eyes, inexplicably leaning into Quil. Both hands reaching out, clinging to his shirt as she pressed her forehead roughly against his chest.

As she silently gave him his answer.

As another part of her relaxed when he released a deep sigh, wrapping his arms around her in a warm, comforting embrace.

As Bella remembered what it felt like to let someone help. To _want _them to, even if it was in the smallest way possible. As she took that first step.

The smallest movement she could manage in that moment.

* * *

_AN: :)_

_Thoughts?_


	8. Chapter 7

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Love & Loss" by The Honey Trees**_

_._

Bella stood in front of the head-to-toe mirror hanging on the back of her closet door, unabashedly yet warily appraising herself.

She couldn't help noticing how the few curves she had were finally starting to fill back out - how she hadn't realized how much weight she'd lost the past six months. The dark, puffy circles beneath her eyes were finally starting to disappear.

The rest of her imperfections were hidden from view, covered in a pair of skinny jeans and a black t-shirt.

Yet somehow, she still looked alive.

The reflection staring back at her wasn't of someone unrecognizable. It wasn't of someone she couldn't face or was ashamed to look at.

With a sigh, Bella finally pulled her gaze away from the mirror, letting her eyes drop. Seeing the metallic glint of the silver band on her finger, she allowed her thumb to brush over the emerald stone.

She hadn't been able to take it off. Not yet.

In the preceding months, two words had become Bella's lifeline.

_Baby steps._

And the ones she made weren't all that impressive, at least not to her.

She left the house more - first, to the grocery store and eventually to Jacob and Anna's for dinner. She appreciated how they'd tucked the extra dining room chair away in the spare bedroom before she showed up, even if she noticed it anyway.

She went back to work, thanking god for small towns that looked the other way for a few months. That kept her administrative job at Forks City Hall open while she was away. It was never much, but it paid decent and came with dental insurance, something Bella knew she needed with an almost three-year-old.

While she was at work, Maddie got to go to Aunt Emily's and hang out with Levi all day.

At night, she and Maddie snuggled on the couch and watched the same cartoons they did before. The little girl was usually asleep by seven-thirty, but some nights, Bella stayed where she was until almost midnight, tucking a blanket around both her and her daughter, simply watching - more than once - the same worn-out Disney movie in the DVD player.

She abandoned the couch and slept in her bed. For an hour the first night, and two after that, until she eventually slept the whole night through without it becoming too much.

She took all of Embry's clothes out of the closet.

It had taken her nearly a week.

Eventually, when the donation box still sat empty, Bella called Leah to come help her. The two women sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by t-shirts and jeans and Leah was surprisingly patient with Bella when she stopped every few garments to swipe the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Bella figured it had a lot to do with the fact Leah was crying, too.

It was a painful, arduous process, but a step nonetheless.

And staring at her reflection in the mirror, Bella knew this day was another step. A bigger one that felt a little more like a gigantic leap than a baby step.

The entire pack was throwing their annual end-of-the-summer bonfire down on First Beach.

Jacob had questioned it, wondering if maybe it was too soon - if maybe it still wasn't time for any celebrations or parties or anything else of that sort. Eventually though, he decided to carry on like normal, because _not _doing it would have been worse. Still, he'd called Bella and asked for her input before he made the final decision, telling her it was ultimately up to her because he couldn't help feeling that if she and Maddie weren't up for it, the event shouldn't happen.

Bella had swallowed thickly, taking entirely too long to answer as she really _did _think about it.

As her eyes landed on Maddie, a curtain of dark hair spilling over her cheeks as she sat at the table coloring.

_Coloring…_

Bella closed her eyes, nodding, even though Jacob wouldn't see her.

"We should have it."

So there she was, about to attend her first official pack function, and she couldn't deny a part of her wanted to undo all those unimpressive baby steps, climb back into bed, and stay there until the day was over.

But she knew she couldn't, so she kept moving.

And in between all that, Quil kept showing up.

He'd taken the leeway Bella gave him that day outside the diner, even though he was cautious with it. Phone calls were made before visits and notes were left in plain sight on the kitchen table. Saturday afternoon ice cream trips into Forks became a regular thing.

There were still days Maddie asked simple, pointed questions Bella had a hard time answering. There were still times the little girl would bear down and unexpectedly burst into tears, the only reprieve for her cries something no one could give her. It broke Bella's heart every single time, still knowing there wasn't a single thing she could do to make it better. Knowing for now, she was still too young to understand what everything meant and how it wasn't reversible.

But in between that, there were moments that brilliant smile from the diner reappeared.

When Bella could feel a little piece of her heart cautiously fall back into place.

And a part of Bella couldn't help but think the bonfire might be good for her daughter - for the little girl to spend time around all the people who loved her most.

Bella couldn't help but think it might be good for her, too.

"That one's mine! I got it! I GOT IT!"

A loud, determined voice echoed from the kitchen as Bella walked down the narrow hallway leading from her bedroom.

"Ohhhhh, I almost had it!"

"Hippos!"

"Now, that one's mine!

"HIPPOS!"

The words were immediately followed by squeals of laughter.

Face screwing up in confusion, Bella rounded the corner into the kitchen, eyes falling a sight she hadn't expected to see.

At one end of the table, Maddie was perched on her knees, leaning precariously against the table. Across from her, Quil was hunkered down, both forearms pressed against the wood. His eyes were determined, brows knit in concentration as he faced off with Bella's almost three-year-old over a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Bella stood completely still for longer than she meant to, her curious eyes wandering from the bright red game board to the look of fierce concentration on Quil's face. To the way Maddie obviously had no idea she was playing a game that required any kind of skill. She was content to simply hit the lever, over and over and over, to open the hippo's mouth, enjoying the noise it made when she did.

How, despite Quil's best efforts, it was a game her daughter seemed to be dominating.

"How's it going in here?" Bella finally asked, just as Maddie's hippo snatched up the last white marble.

With a heavy, resounding sigh, Quil pushed off the table, sprawling back against the chair. Bella eyed him in amusement as she crossed the room, approaching the sink. Reaching above it for a glass, she switched on the faucet, sticking one finger beneath the stream to test the coolness of the water.

Quil had showed up an hour earlier, telling Bella he was there and available if she needed help with anything before the bonfire. She asked if he wouldn't mind sticking around and watching Maddie while she showered.

"You should keep your eye on this one before she decides to go pro at Hungry Hungry Hippos," Quil mused, the surprise still heavy in his voice.

Putting her glass under the water, Bella made an amused noise in her throat. "Are you sure you're just not really bad at it?" she retorted softly.

Quil chuckled, but the sound faded as Bella turned around, leaning back against the counter. Watching Quil, who was still staring holes through the board, and Maddie, who was trying arduously to line the marbles one by one for the next game.

A moment later, the little girl was bored with it, hopping off her chair and bouncing across the floor to Bella, who scooped her daughter up in one swift movement.

"Hippos is fun," Maddie murmured with a grin, before glancing back at her uncle Quil. Bella closed her eyes for a moment, savoring that smile before pressing a gentle kiss to the side of the little girl's head.

"This game is rigged," Bella heard Quil mutter under his breath.

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to keep an unexpected smile from widening, Bella disregarded the tiny fingers she could feel playing with the ends of her hair.

"Actually, that table isn't really level. You just picked the bad side."

There were a couple long moments of silence as Bella waited, watching the befuddled gaze recede from Quil's expression. Watching a jarring clarity creep into his eyes.

"Huh. Well, _that _explains it."

And Bella laughed, a bigger part of her surprised by the sound it made falling from her lips.

The sound dissipated though as Quil looked up from the game, his eyes finding hers the moment she pressed her lips together into a thin line. As she let her gaze fall to the floor and her arms tighten around Maddie, another part of her feeling like it wasn't something she was allowed...not yet.

Glancing back up, Bella released a silent breath when she saw Quil smiling anyway.

When, for a single moment, she felt like it might be okay offer him one in return.

* * *

_AN: I promised a little sunshine... ;)_

_Thoughts?_


	9. Chapter 8

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "A Pound of Flesh" by Radical Face**_

_._

Bella's heart pounded the second her feet hit the sand of First Beach.

There was no ignoring the throbbing in her chest, a part of Bella reminding herself not to squeeze the tiny hand she held in hers too tightly. Another part of her thankful for that tiny hand, attached to the tiny body and the tiny legs that forced them both to move much slower than normal.

Buying her some time - to find her strength. To remember why she had thought this was a good idea.

To come up with some kind of a plan to make it through this night.

From where they stood, she could see everyone. Jacob's father, Billy, was pushed up to the bonfire in his wheelchair. She could see Sue Clearwater and Quil's mom, Joy, sitting next to him on one of the logs arranged around the fire pit. Flames were already reaching for the sky, licking and popping against the kindling. Bella saw Emily, Kim, Rachel, and Anna on the opposite side of the fire, lost in some conversation all their own.

Letting her eyes wander farther down the beach, drawing closer to the shoreline, Bella could see the pack.

They were playing soccer - the same game they _always _played before a bonfire. Passing time before they were required to pull in, take a seat, and listen to Billy retell the legends of the tribe. From what she could see, Jacob, Seth, Leah, and Collin were on one team. Paul, Jared, Sam, and Brady were on the other. Bella caught smiles. Laughter.

To an outsider, absolutely nothing looked out of place.

Bella's feet kept moving, even though her breath caught in her throat when she heard a quiet rustling next to her. When she turned her head, wide eyes found Quil already watching her, moving so silently beside her she had almost forgot he was there. Forgetting that he somehow ended up riding with them to the beach.

Quil tightened his grip on the pile of blankets and jackets he carried.

"You okay?" There was hesitance in his eyes.

Swallowing thickly, Bella looked away. Glancing down to her other side, her gaze landed on Maddie silently walking beside her, fingers tucked in her mouth.

"I don't know yet," Bella whispered earnestly, not entirely sure Quil would hear the words over the sound of the ocean several yards away. As she bent forward, never missing a step as she hoisted Maddie into her arms, propping the little girl against her hip. Feeling her pace naturally quicken the moment she was secure against her body.

It was still hard for her to say any more, but when she peered at Quil out of the corner of her eye, the tightness of his jaw - his gaze burning into the sand - confirmed he understood.

"If it gets to be too much...just say the word," Quil finally replied, resolute eyes finding hers one last time. Holding them until she nodded in agreement.

FInally reaching the bonfire, Bella and Maddie were swept up in a barrage of hugs from the women she'd seen before. Ignoring the glints of cautious sympathy she could still see lingering in their expressions, the traces of their own sadness still resting somewhere in kind eyes, Bella did what she could to push back the dread. To _smile_.

Still holding Maddie, Bella crossed to the other side of the fire, a little piece of her warming when Jacob's father offered her an endearing smile. Bending forward slightly, Bella left a gentle kiss on his cheek just before he reached up and squeeze her hand, offering his own shred of comfort without speaking a word. Without the pity in his eyes.

"She's getting so big," Billy remarked, dancing, black eyes flitting toward Maddie. "You need to bring that little girl by sometime, Bella. Charlie and I will take her out fishing - I know he's been chomping at the bit to teach her how."

Bella pushed out a breath as Maddie burrowed her head into the crook of her mother's neck, suddenly shy in front of all the people, despite the fact she knew every single one of them. It still took her awhile though, almost every time.

"Charlie was trying to get me to let her a while back," she murmured sincerely. "I told him maybe when she's old enough to know what happens when you lean too far over the side of the boat."

Billy chuckled warmly, pulling her from her thoughts before they could pull her down. He primly folded his hands in his lap. "You always were a worry wart. We'd never let her fall, Bella."

Offering him a tiny smile, Bella nodded, again feeling little hands back in her hair. "I know."

"Bells!"

Looking away from Billy, Bella saw Jacob striding purposefully up the beach, a short glance behind him confirming the pack was taking a break from their game. Bella offered him the same smile she did all the others, a shadow of the one she usually reserved for her best friend despite knowing he'd give her credit for it somewhere.

One arm sliding across her shoulders, Jacob pulled her into his warm, massive body, leaving a kiss on the side of her head. Reaching out, he brushed one long finger over the tip of Maddie's nose, eliciting a smile from the little girl even though she left her head where it was.

"Glad you made it," Jacob whispered, peering down at Bella with a smile.

Bella glanced away, not sure what Jake would see in her eyes when she responded, another part of her not wanting to risk it. "Wouldn't miss it."

"You wouldn't have missed much..."

Bella heard a cool, crisp voice from behind her. Jacob stepped away, both of them turning to see Leah making her way up the beach, an agitated yet amused expression on her face. "With the exception of us getting our asses kicked in soccer. You're kind of a crap midfielder, Black."

Jacob scowled and Bella lowered her eyes, even though she knew Leah wasn't trying to be mean. She simply was one of those who had a little easier time bringing things up...

Because even though Bella didn't know much about soccer, she remembered who normally played that position during their impromptu games.

"Do you wanna do it?" Jacob retorted sharply, lifting both eyebrows in challenge.

"Nah, I'm done," Leah replied with a wave of her hand. "Ateara can take my spot."

"Do I need to show him how it's done?"

Bella missed Quil appear beside her, his arms now free of the load he volunteered to carry from the car. He was grinning at Jacob, the mischievous glint in his eyes goading the other man.

Jacob simply rolled his eyes. "Please. If I need someone to show me how to trip over my own shoelaces, that's where you come in handy."

Quil snorted. "Is that how it's gonna be? Clearwater, what's the score?"

"Three to nothing. They're up."

Giving his neck a theatrical roll, Quil stretched his arms out in front of him, cracking his fingers. "Alright, Black...twenty bucks says I can at least tie it up before your dad gets this thing started."

Bella could feel a smile pulling at her mouth, her gaze flitting back and forth between Quil and Jacob. A part of her deep down amused by it all.

"You know I hate taking your money, Quil…"

"Oh, but I love taking yours."

"Are you girlies gonna come play or what?" Paul's impatient cry boomed from down the beach.

It was Quil's turn to roll his eyes. "Take it or leave it, Black."

Taking a step back, Jacob stared Quil down for several moments longer than necessary, keeping his poker face in place. Waiting long enough that Bella actually caught Quil when he inadvertently leaned forward in anticipation.

"You're on."

"Ha!" Quil clapped his hands together. "Easiest twenty bucks I'll ever make. Let's do this."

Shaking his head, Jacob groaned, his tall frame turning and starting down the beach. Quil made an amused, victorious noise in his throat before glancing at Bella, shrugging his shoulders before turning away. Before he took a step to follow his friend.

Before the shy, stoic little girl in Bella's arms finally came to life, pulling back. Lurching forward, a disapproving cry left her throat when Bella's hold around her tightened.

When Maddie threw her arms out toward Quil.

Quil stopped, and whatever words Bella was going to say disappeared on her tongue. He let his body half-turn back, eyes landing on Maddie's wiggling, outstretched fingers. The hands reaching for him.

Wanting out of her mother's arms and into his.

It took a couple seconds before Quil's gaze redirected - before he looked up at Bella. Before her mind searched with how she was supposed to react or feel about it. She knew Maddie loved her uncle Quil, but this was different. This was new.

In a way Bella wasn't sure she liked, even if she wasn't sure why.

Her head was still searching when Quil took a step forward, both eyebrows arching expectantly. Cautiously. Silently asking permission.

Bella wasn't sure why it hurt so much when she nodded.

A moment later, Quil reached out, her daughter shifting fluidly and without a peep from her arms to his.

"This should work," Quil murmured, giving the little girl a smile. "Maybe I shouldn't have bet Uncle Jacob so much money, huh?" Tipping his head up, Quil let Bella catch the last remnants of that smile before turning and heading down the beach.

"Alright, change of plans! Five against four now…"

Bella didn't move, watching for the longest time from where she stood. Arms crossed tightly in front of her, she watched as the genuine competition abruptly came to an end the moment Quil placed Maddie on the ground. As she peered up, watching her uncles with wide eyes and a bright smile. As their game shifted entirely to include a miniature team member.

"Getting tired of him yet?"

Startled, Bella glanced over to see Leah next to her, eyeing her pensively. The orange glow from the setting sun danced across the other woman's copper skin before Leah interrupted it, reaching up and brushing windswept hair from her eyes.

"Who? Quil?" Bella murmured, glancing back toward the soccer game, her grip on herself growing impossibly tighter as she watched Maddie tearing after a stray ball, her giggles increasing in pitch with every single step. Her efforts distracted by the fact both Seth and Quil were playfully on her heels.

Bella smiled, relishing the sight of her daughter and the fun she was having even though it still wasn't quite able to mask what she'd felt moments earlier. The stab of hurt. The apprehensiveness.

"He's been a huge help," Bella finally whispered, her mouth dry when she did. "You all have...even if I didn't tell you guys as soon as I should have."

Leah made an ironic noise in her throat. "Then what's with the weird look?"

Bella let the question sink in, her gaze still following her daughter. A part deep inside her still twisted in knots as she watched Quil take Maddie's hand, holding her up as one pudgy leg gracelessly kicked at the soccer ball. As Paul nonchalantly stepped out of the way of the goal, the ball bouncing erratically past his legs before the entire pack erupted into loud cheers. As Quil scooped Maddie up in his arms, twirling her around in some kind of victory dance as the smile on her face grew exponentially wider.

But Bella still couldn't put words to it. She still couldn't place where the dread inside her originated from.

Refusing to look at Leah, Bella shook her head instead.

"Everything's fine."

* * *

_AN: Thanks, everyone, for all your continued feedback. Will be reaching out shortly to say thanks individually._

_On that note...thoughts on this chapter?_


	10. Chapter 9

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "The Water" by Fossil Collective**_

_._

"I think this might be a bad idea…"

It took Bella nearly a week to say something.

It took her seven days to figure out what that ache in her gut meant - the one that seemed to get worse as the night of the bonfire went on. She somehow made it through the event, distracted from her own feelings by the way Maddie refused to leave Quil's side the entire night. Inexplicably bothered by the way she became his small shadow.

And Bella didn't miss how bright Maddie's eyes got when Quil showed up the following Tuesday and Thursday after work to take her to the playground down at the rez school.

Bella stood by the door, watching them walk away until she could no longer see them. Her stomach grew heavier with every single step.

She almost went after them.

_Almost._

But she didn't.

Because more than anything else, Bella wanted her daughter to be happy. She wanted whatever help she could get when it came to getting Maddie through this incredibly difficult time in their lives. She wanted those bright eyes. That laughter. _That smile_, as much as possible.

But there was one thing she didn't want. One thought she couldn't bear.

One fear she couldn't seem to strike from her mind each and every time Quil showed up outside their door.

So there she was, arms crossed tightly in front of her chest, eyes trained on Quil as he crossed the last few feet of dock. She drove down to the marina after work, hell bent and determined to talk to him. To _tell him_ as soon as she could, fueled by an intense and somewhat irrational determination she couldn't quite explain.

"Hey, Bella," Quil replied warily, lifting one eyebrow and ignoring her blurted greeting altogether. "This heat's kinda weird for September, isn't it?"

Licking her lips, Bella refused to be deterred. She shook her head, not really understanding why, before she opened her mouth and let the rest of the words carelessly tumble out.

"She already has a father."

There was no ignoring that.

Bella's pulse pounded in her ears when Quil's footsteps fell short, just before he stepped onto the gravel embankment leading to where she stood.

"Okay…" Quil muttered obliquely, his gaze darting over Bella's shoulder before looking back. "So I guess we need to talk." With a jerk of his head, his steps veered to Bella's left, wordlessly asking her to follow him.

She did, lips pressed into a thin line to keep the words where they belonged for now. The silence hung heavy between them, the only noise coming from the rocks crunching beneath their feet. She'd rehearsed a million things to say on the way there but faced with the chance to speak them, she couldn't seem to remember what any of them were.

Reaching a large piece of driftwood, Quil still didn't speak as he turned to face her, sinking to the wood at the same time. Peering up at her, both eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Sit?"

Nodding, Bella took the last two steps needed to reach him, collapsing beside him.

She could feel Quil's eyes on her, waiting for her to speak, but she kept hers trained on the sea, watching the waves lap at the shore and the distant outline of a fishing boat on the horizon.

"Bella…"

"Maddie has a father, Quil," Bella repeated, the words coming just as fast as the last time she spoke them.

Several long moments passed before he found the words to respond to her. Before Bella remembered to breathe, her pulse quickening as another part of her questioned why she spoke those words in the first place. For that determination that drove her there to ebb slightly, giving way to a flicker of better sense.

FInally pulling in a breath, Bella glanced to her left, making the mistake of looking directly into the eyes of the man next to her.

The bewilderment on his face was palpable. The subtle hurt in his eyes was there, and Bella glanced away after a handful of seconds.

Feeling like an idiot but knowing it was entirely too late to take back what she said.

"Is _that _what you think I'm trying to do?"

Bella's elbows dug into her thighs when she leaned forward, clasping her hands together in front of her.

"No…" she whispered uncertainly. "I mean, I don't know...it's just…" Bella stopped, pressing her fist to her mouth in frustration as she tried to find the right words. As she tried to ignore the way her stomach twisted, knowing there were things she was going to _have _to say. Words she may need to bring up, fearing what they'd bring back.

"Bella," Quil pressed. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a pretty good listener…"

Bella couldn't ignore the smallest of smiles that pulled at her lips, hidden by her clasped hands. Taking a deep breath, she tried to put words to the jumble of thoughts in her head.

"I think...I think maybe you're spending too much time with her," Bella murmured quietly, blinking frantically to hold back the subtle heat she could already feel in the corner of her eyes. "It's helped, Quil...it really has, but...I'm seeing things that make me wonder."

She turned her head that time, recapturing Quil's attentive gaze with her own. Taking in the rapt expression on his face before she continued.

"She misses him, Quil," Bella whispered, her vision blurring for a moment before she reached around with one hand, rubbing her eye viciously. Ignoring that residual ache in her chest, she pressed on. "And you're there, more now than you were before, and...she's hanging onto that, I think." Bella glanced down at the sand. "And she's still so little, I just…"

The words were stuck in her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut, Bella tried to swallow back the knot on which they were caught. She tried to weave together all those tiny threads of strength she'd found over the past six months.

But it wasn't until she suddenly felt a warm arm around her shoulders, one that pulled her closer, reassuring her that no matter what she said - no matter how misplaced it sounded - he would still understand.

Bella took another breath, finding that last shred of courage she needed.

"She has a father...and I don't want her to forget who he is."

Quil sighed the same time Bella reached up, brushing hot tears from her cheeks.

"Bella, I'm not trying to replace him," Quil murmured, squeezing her tighter to his side when he said it.

"I know," Bella sniffled, "but _she _doesn't."

Quil pondered what she said for a moment, his grip on Bella loosening slightly even though he didn't let go. Holding her breath, Bella wrung her fingers together in her lap before she peered up at Quil.

Surprising her when he looked back, offering her that trademark grin she remembered but hadn't seen in a really long time.

"She won't forget, Bella."

"How do you know?" Bella asked anyway, looking away from that smile. Wanting to know how he was so certain. "She's barely three years old, and I just worry about it...all the damn time these days."

Quil took a deep, ragged breath, his arm still draped firmly across Bella's shoulders.

"Because her dad wasn't the kind of guy someone can easily forget."

Bella smiled in spite of the tight ache in her chest, despite how Quil's words brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. It didn't matter because she knew how absolutely right he was.

Quil made a soft noise in his throat, like he was remembering something, giving her shoulder a squeeze as he decided to share it with her.

"Bella, he was the _only _person I knew who'd _literally _have the patience for stuff like potty-training, and the only person who would know exactly what to say when she was sad," Quil continued, a smile on his face and a fondness in his voice. "_And_...the guy could make mean Mickey Mouse pancakes."

Bella smiled, somehow ignoring the moisture on her cheeks as she glanced at Quil. "How did you know about that?"

Quil scoffed, but his grin stayed where it was. "Bella, he literally _took _the batter from Emily's hands one day when we were over there just to prove it," he explained, eyes warm as he spoke. "The entire pack had Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast that day. It was a little ridiculous, and so was how proud he was over it." Taking a deep breath, Quil's smile lessened just a little before he peered over at Bella. "But that's the stuff we won't forget...and something tells me Maddie won't either."

Bella was surprised as a laugh pushed its way through the tears in her throat, brought on as Quil brought the memory back to life.

"And that's not me, Bella. Never will be...mostly because I can't cook worth a crap and always say the wrong things," Quil assured with a chuckle. "But she'll remember all those things he did...the small ones that matter. I just want to be the annoying uncle she loves now and is embarrassed to be seen in public with when she hits thirteen."

The laughter came harder, and Bella found herself wondering what the hell she'd been so worried about in the first place.

"And if she ever starts to forget," he continued quietly, "then I guess I'll just have to make sure she doesn't."

The smile on Bella's lips faded, but the inexplicable ease inside her didn't.

"How?" she whispered.

Quil shrugged. "Maddie might not understand right now, but it doesn't mean we can't talk about him, Bella. Like we're doing right now. I know it's hard...trust me...but it doesn't mean we can't remind her, and maybe it'll get easier for _us _if we do."

Nodding, Bella reached up, sweeping her hair back with shaky fingers. Letting them fall to her side, she gripped the wood beneath her. Blinking rapidly, Bella swallowed through the tightness in her throat, watching a single, wet dot appear on her denim-covered thigh.

"God, I just miss him so much."

Quil released a swift breath, and before Bella knew it, his arm tightened around her frame. Gathering her closer to him as his fingers brushed her arm - back and forth, trying to comfort her as Bella let him - her head finding a home against his shoulder.

"I know, honey. Me, too...but we'll be okay. Promise."

* * *

_I fucking love Quil. Anyway..._

_Thoughts?_


	11. Chapter 10

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

Quil never claimed to know a lot about kids.

He was an only child, and he never did the babysitting thing growing up. Regardless, he always seemed to be good with them. Maybe it was because of his nature. The pack always told him he was a ten-year-old stuck in a twenty-five year old's body...even though Quil was actually twenty-two and always had a feeling it wasn't exactly an observation of endearment.

Still, Quil never claimed to _know _a lot about kids.

He claimed to know even less about little girls.

And the fact was only reinforced as he stood in the middle of the Port Angeles party store two days before a certain little girl's third birthday.

"Seriously though, dude...fairies or princesses?"

Paul gaped at him, both eyebrows raised and a dumbfounded look on his face.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know, man? Do I look like I'm fluent in the art of kids?" Uncrossing his arms from in front of his chest, he pointed at the package of fairy napkins Quil held in his left hand. "Case and point...you showed me those and I couldn't help but think that Tinkerbell has a nice rack."

Quil groaned. "You are a fucking neanderthal."

Paul gave him a saccharine grin. "Hey, you asked me to come along. The only reason I did was because Rachel's ten kinds of PMSing today."

"Glad I could help," Quil muttered, dropping his arms to his sides and turning back to the party supplies lining one of the back walls of the store. He was starting to regret the idea. He and Emily had put their very different heads together to plan a birthday party for Maddie. Bella was clued in and even Quil was a little surprised how easily she let them run with it.

Still, he didn't blame her. It was only October. Eight months had passed but it was still hard enough thinking about it, remembering Maddie's birthday was only one of many firsts they all had to face as an _after_…

But Quil was determined. And when he was determined, there was really no stopping him.

Still, that determination was wavering as he stared blankly at the seventeen shades of pink and big-busted fairies staring him directly in the face.

"Seriously though, dude," he said again. "How many shades of pink can there be? What is the difference between this Disney princess and this one?" Quil snatched a packaged tablecloth off the rack. "They're all the same...wicked stepmothers, knights in shining armor, happily ever afters. I get it, even though I clearly _don't_."

"That's Pocahontas, man," Paul deadpanned, nodding at the tablecloth. "Not the same thing. Kind of ashamed to know you right now."

Quil rolled his eyes, glancing at the tablecloth and realizing Paul was right. "I know who Pocahontas is, but do you get what I'm saying? How am I supposed to know what Maddie wants?"

Paul sighed, rolling his eyes almost to the back of his head. "Dude...she's three years old. My guess is she likes all kinds of pink and all the Disney princesses and it won't matter what the fuck kind of napkins and tablecloths you get. All she's gonna care about is the cake and the presents."

Quil groaned again, silently calling Paul all kinds of names for being the least helpful person he could have brought along on this trip.

"Okay, if you're done with me, I'm gonna run across to the street to the hardware store."

"Yeah, yeah," Quil waved Paul off with a frown, still contemplating the multiple packages he held in his hands but nowhere closer to making a decision.

Regardless of what Paul said, he wanted it to be right. It had been a tough eight months for the little girl, to say the least, and Quil wanted it to be special. He'd talked her birthday up on every ice cream date and every playground trip until it was all she could talk about in her short, punctuated sentences.

It didn't take much for Quil to realize he'd probably done this to himself.

Still, he wanted it to be perfect.

However, Paul brought him out of his thoughts, one big, meaty hand clapping Quil on the shoulder on his way by.

"But if it helps…" he muttered. "Embry told me once she really likes the Little Mermaid."

.

Quil really hated it when Paul was right.

He bought the party store out of every single piece of Little Mermaid party paraphernalia they had. Cups, plates, napkins, tablecloths, fucking streamers - he bought them all. He even called the grocery store bakery back in Forks and almost passed out with gratitude when they told him it wasn't too late to change the custom frosting on the birthday cake Emily ordered.

It would be perfect.

And it was...at least in the beginning. The moment Maddie and Bella walked into the party, the little girl's face lit up like a damn Christmas tree. She abandoned her mother, bouncing from place to place, climbing up on a chair before she picked up a plate and displayed it proudly for Bella.

"Look, Mommy! Ariel!"

Quil threw his hands up, conceding to Paul as he smirked at him from the other side of the kitchen.

That was the first time Paul was right, and for a moment, Quil thought all the unnecessary agony he put himself through had paid off in a big way.

The second time Paul was right came about fifteen minutes after.

The Little Mermaid plates were forgotten when Emily brought out the cake. Quil stood at the end of the table, watching everyone dig into their pieces, a part of him still waiting for the reaction of the elaborate frosting decoration he had put on the cake. For Maddie's face to light up again at the pink sprinkles he had the bakery lady throw on their for good measure.

It never came, and Maddie was too busy destroying the huge piece of cake she had on her plate.

And for a moment, Quil thought maybe he hadn't tried hard enough. That maybe the sprinkles had been wrong. That maybe he should have went with candy pieces instead. That maybe Belle from Beauty and the Beast would have been a bigger hit...

That maybe he screwed it up…

Quil was on the cusp of deeming his efforts a failure when Maddie hopped down from the stool after washing her hands in the kitchen sink. When small legs carried her across the kitchen, her grin zeroed in on her uncle as she ran directly to him.

As he bent and effortlessly lifted her into his arms, just before she threw her small arms around his neck, planting a wet, sticky kiss directly on his cheek.

A simple, genuine gesture that - sprinkles or no sprinkles, wrong princess or not - let Quil know that no matter what he did, every bit of it was worth it to her.

And what also made it worth it was how Bella hesitated before they left. That despite the traces of residual sadness he could still see lingering in her eyes, she gave him the most genuine smile he'd seen in months.

Mouthing the words _thank you_ before they walked out the door.

* * *

_Oh, Quil. A little comic relief for you guys...hopefully. ;)_

_Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter! Will reach out to you very soon!_

_Thoughts?_


	12. Chapter 11

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Lost & Far From Home" by Katie Costello**_

_._

Sitting behind the wheel of her car, Bella waited in her driveway, watching as the snowflakes collided with the windshield. The heat from the vents caused each one to melt on contact, drops of water disappearing as they rolled down the glass.

Bella didn't move. She left the car running and the headlights on as she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against the seat.

She had no idea how it was almost Christmas already.

It seemed like no time had passed at all, even though so much of it had.

Bella had just drove home from Neah Bay, thankful she'd missed the start of the snow. Maddie was spending a few days with Embry's mother. They didn't see her often, but Tiffany reached out to Bella a week earlier asking if she could see the little girl before the holiday.

Tiffany hadn't been around much, and Bella had very few memories of her. She moved back to Neah Bay shortly after Embry graduated high school. She and Embry were never close, mostly due to the way she lived her life during his childhood. She worked two jobs and was never home. Her night job as a bartender came with an endless parade of men that made stops in her bed but never returned. Embry always said he spent a majority of his childhood raising himself, and that it was always a wonder he turned out as normal as he did.

By the time his mother started to get her life together, Embry phased for the first time. He couldn't tell her why he was gone for hours at a time, why he snuck out at night, and why he never heeded her attempts at punishment. It put pressure on tension that had been there from the start.

By the time Embry was out of school, mother and son were all but estranged.

They had reconnected a few times over the years, as his mother tried to mend the mistakes she made. And Embry, who always had more forgiveness in him than the rest of the pack put together, had made his best effort to let her.

Still, Bella would have been lying if she said there wasn't _some _apprehension about leaving her little girl there for so many days.

And in reality, it had little to do with the past.

Setting foot in Embry's mother's house only confirmed Tiffany didn't have the support system Bella and Maddie had. Bella recognized a lot of it from her own experience - the messes around the house, the wrinkled sheets and blankets on the sofa. The dark circles under Tiffany's eyes.

Bella almost scooped up Maddie and left, knowing it hadn't been that long since that was _their _house. That it was _her _face looking that way to her daughter.

Knowing she didn't want anything or anyone taking the little girl back to that place.

But she didn't...because another part of her saw that spark of light in Tiffany's eyes when she wrapped her arms around Maddie.

And Bella couldn't help but think maybe a few days with her granddaughter would help soothe the ache Tiffany no doubt possessed inside her.

Before she left Tiffany's house, Bella looked back from where Maddie disappeared a moment earlier, running into the living room and bouncing onto the couch. Offering Embry's mother a smile, she stepped forward, ignoring the surprised squeak she made when Bella threw her arms tightly around the other woman's sagging shoulders.

It took a moment, but Tiffany eventually relaxed. She eventually hugged her back.

"I'll visit more often," Bella said quietly, not fully understanding why but knowing it was something she needed to say.

It made Bella think a lot on the way home - about the other people in her life. About Jacob, about the pack. About Quil. Maybe it was the season, or maybe it was seeing Tiffany for the first time since the funeral. Still, almost ten months had passed and she felt like she hadn't taken a genuine moment to consider if there was anything else _she _could do to make sure _they _were healing. That everyone else was moving forward.

She had been so preoccupied with her own family - with herself and with her daughter - that the more she thought about it, the more she knew she'd be lying if she said she didn't hate herself a little for it.

Bella opened her eyes, seeing the snowflakes swirling in front of her headlights.

Knowing she had a few days to see if there was any way she could make it up to them. Knowing where she needed to start.

With the person who had been there the most.

Leaning forward, Bella slipped the car into reverse. Once she backed out of the driveway, she let the car move slower than normal to compensate for the slick roads and the curves that made them especially dangerous. It was a short drive to the heart of the reservation, one she made in about twice the time it normally took.

Pulling up to a familiar building - La Push's small grocery store - Bella put the car in park, turning off the engine with a twist of her wrist.

Pulling her coat tighter around her small frame, Bella climbed out of the car, allowing her gaze to lift. Feeling a sense of relief when she saw a warm, yellow light pouring through the windows above the store. Taking a deep breath, Bella dipped her head toward the ground, blocking the wind as she made her way across the street, climbing the stairs on the outside of the building until she reached a worn, wooden door.

She knocked, still not sure what she was going to say when the door opened.

She had less than three seconds to figure it out.

A warm burst of air slammed into Bella when the door swung open. Glancing up, she was met by Quil, dressed in sweatpants and an old t-shirt, blinking in surprise at the person he found outside his door.

"Bella...hey," he greeted. "What the hell are you doing out in this weather?"

Wrapping her arms around herself, Bella rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "I just got back from taking Maddie to Neah Bay."

Quil shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Embry's mom?"

Bella nodded. "She's spending a few days up there."

It was Quil's turn to nod, watching Bella for a single moment before his eyes widened suddenly. "Shit, sorry!" he exclaimed, taking a step back from the door. "Come in."

A small smile pulling at her lips, Bella stepped through the door, grateful to put the cold behind her as Quil closed the door.

"You can tell how often I have company. My sense of hospitality is horrible…"

"It's okay," Bella murmured, stepping to her right into the kitchen. She hadn't spent a lot of time in Quil's apartment, but she'd seen it once or twice when he'd first moved up there. His family owned the building and since his mother managed the store below it, Quil had jumped on the chance to get out of her house when the people who lived in it moved to Hoquiam.

As Bella shrugged out of her coat, Quil brushed past her, bare feet padding across the wooden floors until he reached the microwave. "So...I'd offer you coffee or something, but I kinda was already making hot chocolate…"

Bella returned the grin he offered her. "You've been spending too much time around my three-year-old."

Quil shrugged. "Nah...I just like the sweet stuff. And I like more marshmallows in it than she does." Winking at her, he moved to the cupboard before looking back. "You want a cup?"

Taking a deep breath, Bella found herself nodding.

"Perfect," Quil replied, turning back to the counter to prepare the second mug. "So normally my Friday nights consist of my couch, sports, and the occasional beer...or in tonight's case, hot chocolate...so this is an unexpected surprise."

Grimacing, Bella was thankful he didn't see it. "I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything. I probably should have called."

"Hey, it's cool," Quil assured, his back still to her as he placed the mug in the microwave. With a sigh, he finally turned around, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. "I was actually watching bowling, so I'm glad you showed up because really...that's kind of a whole new level of sad, even for me."

Laughing, Bella's fingers curled around the back of one of the chairs pushed up to the kitchen table. Pulling the chair out without really thinking about it, she silently slid into it. Leaning forward, her forearms pressed against the table, fingers lacing together absentmindedly before she looked up to find Quil still watching her.

"So what's up?" he asked earnestly, one eyebrow lifting. "House too quiet with Maddie gone?"

Taking a deep breath, Bella offered him a half-smile. "I actually didn't even make it into the house."

Quil's shoulders rose and fell with an understanding breath. His lips parted to speak, but he was interrupted by the shrill beep of the microwave. Closing his mouth, he turned, popping open its door and pulling out the steaming mug. Stirring it quickly with a spoon, he moved toward Bella with a proud smile, placing it in front of her.

"Swiss Miss...it'll be the best damn hot chocolate you've ever had, made with love and good intentions," Quil announced with a cheesy grin. "Promise."

Bella chuckled. "Just so long as you promise."

A silence settled between them as Quil slid into the chair across from her, watching in cautious anticipation as she wrapped her cold hands around the mug. Still, Bella had a feeling she was going to keep him waiting, at least where the hot chocolate was concerned.

"But it wasn't the quiet house...not really."

"What wasn't?" Quil asked quietly.

Looking up from the mug, Bella released a breath. "Why I came by."

Quil frowned, brows pulling down between both eyes as he studied her. Bella licked her lips, pulling the bottom one between her teeth for a second before releasing it. Before she let go of the mug and asked.

"How are you?"

Quil blinked, his mouth opening as he tipped his head to one side. "Good," he replied slowly, the word uncertain. "How are you?"

Bella shook her head with a sigh. "No, I mean...how are you, Quil? Like...in general."

Quil sat back in his chair, letting his hands fall to his lap. "I'm still not sure I follow, Bella…"

Leaning forward, Bella absentmindedly played with the emerald ring, twirling it around her finger. "You know how I am," she pressed on, not entirely sure she was making sense. "You know because you've been there and I've told you. You know how Maddie is, because you've been there for her, too. But I don't ask you enough...how you are. If you're...doing okay."

A ripple of understanding passed across Quil's features, softening them, and Bella let out a relieved breath.

"Bella," he murmured, leaning forward again. "You don't have to worry about me."

"But I do," Bella interrupted, eyes widening in sincerity. "I worry about _all _of you, even if I do a crappy job of showing it sometimes. It's just...I think I'm finally in a place where I'm starting to see everything else that's still here...everything besides _my _family. The pack, Jacob...you."

Quil stared at the table. Pulling in a deep breath, he glanced up at her, offering her a smile. "I'm doing okay, Bella. Really, I am."

"Are you?" Bella wondered, reaching for the mug again, her grip tightening around it. "Because if you're not, I want you to know...I'm here, too. _I _can be here. _I _can listen. I can..._talk_ about things, if you need to. I don't ever want you to feel like this is one-sided or that you're alone or don't have anyone to talk to."

Bella waited as Quil reached out, scooting forward in his chair and rotating his mug between thick fingers.

"Am I making any sense at all right now?" Bella questioned tentatively, holding her breath as she waited for Quil to respond.

Finally, he looked up.

"You are. And I know you're here, and I appreciate it. Really, I do," he replied, that sincere smile still resting on his mouth. "And I won't lie and say I don't have my moments, but I mean it, Bella, when I say I'm doing okay."

Blinking, Bella could feel a subtle heat in her cheeks, feeling sort of foolish for barreling into Quil's apartment with her compassionate guns blazing. Still, she didn't regret it because she wanted him to know.

That she would try to be there for him, too. That she could be his friend, if that's what he wanted.

It was the least she could do, especially after everything he'd done for Maddie. After he'd let her lean on him, more than once. It was the least she could do to show him how much it meant to her.

Nodding, Bella studied the way the hot chocolate looked in her mug.

"Okay."

Bella lost track of the moments they sat there in silence, staying that way until Quil released a heavy sigh. Until he pushed back his chair, its legs scraping roughly against the floor beneath them.

"However, since you're offering, there is one thing you can do…"

Bella peered across the kitchen, realizing Quil was already on his feet, an amused sparkle in his eyes as he watched her.

Bella swallowed. "What's that?"

Quil grinned, partially turning toward the sink before depositing his mug in it. "Pick a night...any night, after Christmas. Figure out what you want to do and we're gonna do it."

Bella's lips parted in surprise. "Wh...what?"

Shrugging, Quil leaned against the counter again. "When's the last time you got out of the house to do anything fun?"

Bella's mouth stayed open, but she couldn't think of an honest response.

"Exactly," Quil continued pointedly. "I spend all week doing fun things with Maddie and as much as I love hanging out with her, there's only so much conversation you can have with a three-year-old before you start to crave one with another adult."

Bella smiled, finally lifting the mug from the table.

"And I figure since I spend so much time with her, it's only fair you get your turn, too," Quil figured. "You're part of that package, so...pick a night. Pick something to do and we're gonna do it."

Pausing with the mug just beneath her mouth, Bella opened it to speak.

"No arguing," Quil interrupted, lifting up one hand and waving it in a teasing, defensive gesture.

"Quil…"

"Because I'm willing to bet you're kind of craving some adult conversation, too, so…"

"Quil!"

Quil's mouth shut with a snap, both eyebrows lifting at Bella's interruption. Waiting for her to speak since it was entirely obvious she wanted to. Fighting the grin on his mouth as he waited.

She leaned forward in her chair, projecting her sincerity without a sound. Sealing it with a single word. Lifting her eyebrows and letting the smallest of smiles cross her lips.

"Okay."

Settling back into her chair, Bella finally took a sip of the hot chocolate. It was sweet and rich on her tongue. Swallowing, she half-expected Quil to keep on the subject of an adult night out, but she was surprised when he stayed silent, watching her with a rapt and curious gaze instead .

Lowering the mug, she frowned. "What?"

His grin was back.

"So...what's the verdict on the hot chocolate?"

Letting out a long breath, Bella couldn't help but return his smile before taking another sip. Lowering the mug, she found Quil's gaze, feeling lighter than she had in a really long time.

"It might just be the best hot chocolate I've ever had..."

* * *

_I want some of Quil's hot chocolate..._

_Thoughts?_


	13. Chapter 12

_****__****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Rearrange The Art" by Sarah Jarosz**_

_._

Pushing through the front door of her childhood home, Bella was immediately greeted by the strong, pungent scent of coffee and cheap after-shave. It was a smell she knew, and one she never missed until it filtered into her nostrils, making her realize just how much she actually did.

Smiling, she stepped aside, making room for Maddie to pass. Pushing the door closed behind them, Bella brought her hands up to her lips, blowing on them once and rubbing them together briskly to warm them.

"Dad?" Bella called out, glancing down to see Maddie already had her coat unzipped and was struggling her way out of it.

"In the kitchen, Bells!"

Smiling again, Bella unzipped her own coat, glancing down only to find Maddie at her feet, holding up her jacket and grinning at her mother.

"Hang up, Mommy?"

Cocking one incredulous eyebrow, Bella abandoned her task. "No, _Mommy _will not hang up, but Maddie can hang it up," she corrected, stooping down and hoisting the little girl up by the waist until she could reach the tall coat rack in the entryway.

"Thank you," Bella said quietly, placing her daughter back on two feet.

"Welcome," she murmured, little legs carrying her toward the kitchen.

Before she could get there, Charlie appeared in the doorway, crouched down, hands extended in front of him like claws. A muted growl ripped from his throat as Maddie jumped, shrieking before dissolving into a fit of hysterical giggles.

Bella couldn't help but smile as her father straightened his face out, reaching out and scooping Maddie into his arms before he stood.

"Well, if it isn't little Miss Maddie come to see her favorite grandpa," Charlie said jubilantly, placing a series of butterfly kisses on the little girl's cheek. "'Bout time, I say. Was starting to forget what you looked like." He grinned as Maddie poked his cheek with her index finger.

"We were just here last week, " Bella chimed in with a raised eyebrow, hanging her own coat up on the rack.

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah. I suppose you're right." Propping Maddie against his hip, Charlie held out his other arm for his own daughter. Bella didn't think twice before walking into it, allowing Charlie to pull her into his side with a tight squeeze, landing a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"Happy Valentine's Day, kiddo," he murmured, his mouth moving against her hair.

"Sorry you had to give up yours," Bella whispered, reaching out and tickling her daughter, causing her to bury her face in her grandpa's shoulder.

"Well, to be honest, I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than with my two favorite girls," Charlie soothed, squeezing Bella one last time before releasing her.

"What about the third one?" Bella asked quietly.

"Who, Sue?" Charlie asked, bending at the waist and depositing Maddie on the floor. "You know where the remotes are, kid. Go watch some 'toons." Bella barely had time to blink before her daughter disappeared through the dining room en route to the couch and Charlie's flat-screen. "She's working tonight," Charlie continued, "and even if she wasn't, we'd both be sitting around watching TV trying not to fall asleep before the nine o'clock news. It's an exciting life around here, Bells."

Sue Clearwater had been dating Bella's father for a couple years. Only recently had she decided to move in with him, leaving her home in La Push in the hands of Leah and Seth. Bella had been thrilled when their relationship began, mostly because she honestly couldn't think of anyone better to take care of her father.

"So...what's for dinner?" Bella asked cautiously as Charlie moved to the refrigerator, opening the door and pulling out a beer.

Cracking open the can, Charlie's mustache furrowed before he glanced at her. "What are you making?"

Bella rolled her eyes, following it with a shake of her head. "Valentine's Day with a catch, huh?"

Charlie shrugged before taking a swig of his beer. "Well, if you plan on actually eating tonight, I'd recommend it."

Releasing a sigh, Bella offered her father a tight-lipped but fond smile before she approached the fridge. Pulling open the freezer, she stared into its depths for several moments before retrieving a package of hamburger.

"Spaghetti and meatballs?" she asked without checking to see if Charlie was still in the room.

"Sounds great, Bells."

Closing the freezer door, Bella realized Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, chin propped on one hand while the other held up the sports section, eyes squinting at the fine news print.

"Where are your glasses, Dad?"

"Upstairs, on the nightstand."

"Good place for them," Bella retorted sarcastically, unwrapping the package of hamburger.

"Hey, now. If I wanted to listen to Sue tonight, Bells, I'd go have dinner with her at the hospital cafeteria…"

"Okay, okay," Bella backpedaled with a chuckle. Depositing the hamburger on a plate, she popped it into the microwave to defrost. "We just care about you, Dad. It's probably half the reason Sue's stuck around as long as she has."

"Because I'll fall apart if someone isn't here to take care of me?"

"Pretty much," Bella teased, pulling a pot from the cupboard above the stove and moving fluidly to the sink. Switching on the faucet with a flick of her wrist, she placed the pot below it to fill.

"I suppose then I'm pretty damn lucky I have so many girls that want to take care of me, huh?" Charlie muttered.

"Even if you never listen to them," Bella countered, glancing at her father and lifting her eyebrow challengingly when he looked back to her.

The mustache twitched again.

"I do, I just don't let you two see it when I do. Gotta keep my man card from being revoked, you know...or something."

"Dad," Bella groaned abruptly, shaking her head as she shut off the faucet. Placing the pot on the stove, she switched the burner on high. Pausing for a moment, she released a sigh before realizing she had a few minutes to spare.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Bella barely noticed the silence as she moved fluidly around the familiar kitchen. A handful of moments later, she slid into the chair directly across from Charlie, who hardly moved a muscle when she sat down.

Clutching her mug between both hands, Charlie eventually peered over the top of the paper.

"So how you doing, kiddo?"

Bella took a sip of her coffee, buying herself a second.

"I'm doing okay," she answered honestly. "More good days than bad...finally."

Charlie released a deep breath, even though he didn't look up from his paper. "That's good. Maddie getting along alright?"

"Yeah," Bella replied, clutching the mug tighter between her palms. "No more nightmares." Bella was thankful and she could see the relief on Charlie's face too. "She has a lot of good people who care about her, though."

Smiling, Bella remembered what she'd stumbled on when she walked through her front door of her house after work. To an impromptu tea party in the middle of their living room with a guest list of two - her three-year-old and one oversized man, both of whom were decked out in every single feather boa, piece of costume jewelry, and princess tiara Bella was sure Maddie had stashed in her room.

Quil had taken to watching Maddie more during the week since the marina had cut back on his hours for the season. Coming home to sights like that were nothing new, but still, Bella sometimes took a moment, leaning against the doorframe and watching as Quil effortlessly carried on a theatrical conversation with her little girl, complete with a dramatic accent from a part of the world she couldn't quite place.

She only had a few moments before Quil had spotted her, and she was pretty sure she saw a deep crimson blush permeate his copper cheeks. Disappearing a second later when he threw his hands in defeat and offered her a grin.

Blinking, Bella hadn't realized she was lost in her thoughts. She hadn't realized Charlie was talking to her from across the table. That he'd stopped talking and was now peering at her expectantly.

"Sorry, Dad. What'd you say?" Bella finally pushed out.

Charlie tried to hide his eye roll. "I asked who was taking care of _you _these days?"

The question caught Bella off guard, and as all the air left her lungs, it became blatantly obvious she'd missed a large part of what Charlie said leading up to the question. Still, she couldn't help how her stomach lurched when he repeated it, because she had a feeling she already knew...

Still, she didn't say a word, gaping at her father over the rim of her mug instead. Lowering it, her lips parted in dismay.

"What do you mean"

Charlie's Adam's apple bobbed against his thick swallow. He glanced at her briefly before looking back to his paper, trying like hell to feign nonchalance. "Are you...dating anyone these days?"

"DAD!"

Charlie started, but he finally lowered his paper at the sound of Bella's startled reprimand. "Bells, it's just a question." He blinked rapidly, taking in her deep frown. "I worry about you being all the way out there by yourself, and it's almost been a year...it would be okay if you were. And then...well, at least I'd know someone is looking out for _you_."

Bella closed her eyes, shaking her head wildly as she rose to her feet, miraculously not tripping over the chair legs when she did.

Of all the ridiculous things her father had ever said to her, that was by far one of the worst.

"We're not having this conversation, Dad…"

"Oh, come on, Bells," Charlie sputtered, and she heard the newspaper land on the other side of the table. "Don't be that way. I'm just asking."

"I'm not being _any _way, Dad, it's just...I don't really feel like discussing my dating life." She drifted off, throwing a withering glance over her shoulder, eyes connecting squarely with her father's. "My non-existent one, for that matter, with my father…

"Well, you know it's okay if you're thinking about it...dating, I mean. It's been a year…"

_It's been a year…._

The words recycled themselves in Bella's head, repeating over and over.

A year...

It would be a year to the day the following week.

And her father said it like a year was her deadline for a starting over. That by this point, Bella should be thinking about dating and other men and moving on, when in reality, it felt like she just figured out how to _move_.

_Dating…_

She loved her father - more than anything - but the thought alone made her want to laugh. There were still days she got up in the morning and her head and heart were in an entirely different place. When she'd almost leave the house in two different shoes. When she'd put the orange juice in the pantry instead of the refrigerator.

There were still days when she'd pull out that old, white t-shirt she saved from the donation box and kept in the bottom drawer of her dresser. When she'd take off every single piece of clothing and slip that shirt over her body, feeling every inch of it cover her skin. Pretending it was him wrapped around her…

There were days when she swore she could still smell Embry on the fabric, when other days, the scent was nowhere to be found.

And her father thought she should be dating.

Bella wasn't even sure she remembered _how _to date - what it required, what she'd have to do to start that arduous process, even if she _was _ready. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture it. She tried to imagine how the conversation over dinner would start out. How she'd patiently listen to the man recount a synopsis of his life. How he went to college, how he got a good job. How he did the right thing for the environment and bought a hybrid car. How someday he wanted a white house with red shutters and two-point-five kids.

Then it would be her turn.

When it was, she'd tell the man she was a single mother - not by choice - of a three-year-old. That she still couldn't take off the engagement ring given to her by the little girl's father, and how he died protecting his people from a coven of sadistic vampires.

That she'd left all her emotional baggage at home for a shot at free dinner.

Bella could also imagine how the probability of a second date would forever be slim to none.

Even so, it wasn't just that. It wasn't just about her.

It was about Maddie.

There would be more to her end of the conversation - one that would possibly come with time. She would have to be up front, and he had to know what he was getting into. It needed to be someone she could trust around her daughter. It had to be someone who could take her and take Maddie and everything that came with them. To accept it, and never try to change it.

Most importantly, though, he had to love her daughter.

And Bella couldn't think of a single person who would overcome everything else before he got to that.

Ignoring the dull throbbing in her chest, Bella opened the microwave door with a huff, staring holes through the lump of hamburger as she pulled it from the appliance.

"Well, Charlie," she responded firmly, knowing her father hated it when she called him by his first name, even though it was the only way she knew of to convey when she was upset or angry or didn't want to hear what he had to say. "I'm not thinking about dating...not even a little bit. And it might be awhile before I do."

Charlie chewed on her response for a moment, and Bella was still holding her breath when he finally released his. "Okay, kiddo, I got it. Didn't mean to make you mad."

Closing her eyes, Bella drew in a calming lungful of air, releasing it slowly.

"I know, Dad," she whispered. "I'm not mad." Reaching out, she grabbed the box of spaghetti noodles from the counter, running her finger under the cardboard flap to open the box.

Giving her father a few more words - the only explanation she could, but the only one she needed.

"I've got Maddie to worry about, and she's all I really need."

* * *

_Oh, Bella...can't imagine who would ever fit that description... ;)_

_Thoughts?_


	14. Chapter 13

_****__****__****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Cover Your Tracks" by A Boy and His Kite**_

.

"Remind me again why you thought it would be a good idea to sign her up for this?"

Pressing her lips together tightly, Bella shifted uncomfortably against the rough, wooden wall of the La Push Rec Center. Trying to keep the dismayed frown off her face, she glanced beside her to see Quil chuckling. Letting his head loll to one side, he regarded her in amusement before shifting his gaze back in front of them.

Doing the same, Bella spotted Maddie in the small group of three and four-year-old kids all standing in the center of the room. Some were fidgeting. Some - like Maddie - were waiting raptly on the rolled-out mats for their turn, wide eyes focused on the instructor showing another child how to do a somersault.

Quil sighed, but Bella didn't look away.

"Because it's tumbling, Bella. It's somersaults and really crooked cartwheels and it's _fun_," he insisted. "_And_ she's old enough to take it now, so when I heard Brady's mom talking about it down at the store the other day, I thought it would be good for her to hang out with some other kids her own age that _don't _include Levi." Quil paused, his lips twitching as he fought a grin. "That and, you know, in case she ever decides she wants to be a ninja someday..."

Bella turned her head brusquely, lifting a skeptical eyebrow. "_That's_ what you're going with?"

Quil grinned. "That's what I'm going with." Eyes widening, he glanced at her quickly, forehead wrinkling in sincerity as he jabbed a finger in her direction. "And, in case you forgot, Swan, I asked you and you said yes...and you signed the registration paper, and you wrote the check. _And _I have yet to hear a thank you for sweet-talking the lady into letting Maddie in the April class so we didn't have to wait until June. "

Bella rolled her eyes, smiling anyway. "Thank you," she murmured, a genuine reply despite her teasing tone. Relaxing against the wall, Bella sighed. "And I know...she does need to spend more time with other kids. It just doesn't seem like she's old enough for this stuff yet. I guess I kinda just needed you to remind me why…"

"Hey," Quil reached out, one large hand affectionately squeezing her knee. "That's what I'm here for."

Glancing at his hand, which almost fully engulfed the width of her leg, Bella smiled, her own instinctively reaching out to cover it. Giving his fingers a squeeze of their own, pulling her arm back a moment before he did.

"So we still on for tonight?"

Bella made a noise of assent in her throat, watching as Maddie stepped up to the tumbling instructor. "It's movie night, isn't it?"

"It is Friday, so that would be a yes," Quil agreed, peering at her out of the corner of his eye.

Bella leaned forward, elbows pressing into her thighs as she rested her chin on her clasped hands.

Ever since that night just before Christmas, she and Quil had spent more time together than they had before. Her first request for a night out had been a simple meal at the diner. Quil rolled his eyes like it was the easiest idea she could have possibly came up with. Still, after Maddie went to Jacob and Anna's for the evening, and Bella got to enjoy an uninterrupted dinner complete with a milkshake and adult conversation, she got the feeling Quil understood a little better by the time they left.

She enjoyed herself more than she thought she would, and Quil was as easy to spend time around as he always had been. Things were just...lighter around him. Easier. Bella had never been good at making friends and Quil was good company, easing a general loneliness that plagued her at times and helping Bella appreciate it in a way she hadn't prepared herself for.

So naturally, Bella wasn't surprised when she found herself minding even less when he hung around the house, even though she really _hadn't _minded before.

They tried dinner a couple more times, but eventually stuck to La Push because money was still a little tight for Bella - and even though she enjoyed the nights out, a larger part of her just enjoyed being at home with her daughter. She found comfort in small things, like the sound of a little voice attempting the alphabet in the living room. The smell of dinner in the oven, and cartoons on the living room television.

And she grew to enjoy new things, too.

Friday night movie nights had become a real thing - something Bella could count on. Quil showed up like clockwork every Friday at six. Either he was accompanied by two movies - usually one animated, while the other was a more grown-up film - or there were two waiting on top of the television. Bella made dinner and once the three of them ate, they parked in front of the television for the first movie.

At first, Maddie would make herself comfortable in her mother's lap, sitting still for all of fifteen minutes before climbing down to the floor, only returning to steal handfuls of popcorn from Bella's bowl. Another twenty minutes would go by before she crept closer to Quil, who was sprawled out in the armchair. Before she stood without a word, neither one of them noticing Bella's muted smile when the little girl crawled into Quil's lap for the remainder of the movie. When she'd snuggle back against his chest and he'd wrap his arms around her, rocking them both in the chair without even realizing he was doing it.

The second movie was theirs, reserved for after Maddie went to bed. After a while, Bella started to tease Quil about the superhero trend she was noticing in his titles, even if she didn't mind watching them. Still, she got it right back for her penchant for romantic comedies.

"Seriously, Bella," he'd mutter. "This is not real life."

And she definitely knew better than anyone that life didn't come with the guarantee of a happily-ever-after, but she also didn't care.

Instead, when it was her turn to pick the movie the following week, she showed up with "Love Actually" and thought Quil might actually lose his eyes in the back of his head when she caught how hard he rolled them.

Still, he always watched them without a word.

Blinking, Bella's vision cleared, noticing Maddie was down on the tumbling mat, getting ready to practice her somersaults.

"So is it Captain America tonight or Iron Man?"

Quil snorted. "I could just bring The Avengers and we could get the best of all those worlds." He paused. "Although, I did see the latest season of Doctor Who at the library when I was there."

Smiling at nothing in particular, Bella watched Maddie try - and fail - at her first somersault, quickly focusing back on her conversation with Quil. "God, I miss having cable," she murmured. "I can rent that another time, though. I actually wouldn't mind seeing The Avengers."

There was silence next to her. "Really?"

Bella shrugged, finally glancing at Quil to see him eyeing her hopefully. "Yeah, I'm sure I'll like it...and if it's something you want to see, I'm alright with it."

Quil released a pleasured groan, relaxing back against the wall. "You are seriously the best."

A smile pulled at the corner of Bella's mouth. "I try," she murmured, unconvincingly, despite how Quil chuckled beside her. "Although anything's better than watching The Little Mermaid for the three-hundredth time."

"Well, when you put it like that…" Quil muttered agreeably.

Bella pulled in a deep breath, chin pressing harder against her clasped hands. "So you still coming over at six then?"

"More than likely," Quil replied, suddenly leaning forward so he was next to Bella. He ran a distracted hand through his hair. "Jake has us training this afternoon and I gotta stop by my mom's before that. Something about a leaky sink in the bathroom...I have no idea."

Although she heard Quil's words, Bella attention was again on Maddie's valiant attempts at somersaults. Her face screwed up as she watched her daughter's rear end go up and down, feet barely leaving the ground each time she did. As her little body refused to pull off just one somersault for the instructor, making one last go for it before losing her balance, her small body tipping over in a heap.

Bella winced. "She's not very good at this."

Quil snickered next to her. "Definitely _your _daughter when it comes to sports, huh?"

With a groan, Bella lightly punched Quil in the bicep. "Shut up." As the instructor uprighted her daughter for another try, Bella finally relaxed, leaning her head back against the wall. "She definitely didn't get Embry's grace, that's for sure…"

Eyes flicking to the left, Bella let the subtle ache come and go. She watched Quil, remembering what he was saying even though his eyes were determinedly set on the little girl on the mat.

"You don't have to be here for this, you know," she insisted. "It's just practice. And from the sound of it, there's a million other things you could be doing right now."

"A million and one, actually," Quil murmured without looking at her. "But I'd rather be here."

He still didn't look at her, even when she felt the smile spread slowly across her lips, brought on somehow by the way he said it. Softly. Like he wasn't just saying it because he was supposed to.

Like he really meant it.

And maybe Bella was imagining it, but she swore she could hear the palpable truth in the way he spoke the words. Even so, she figured there was proof in his presence - in the fact he was still there, even after all those months.

Even though - for some inexplicable reason - it suddenly felt like it meant more to Bella than it had before.

"You think they'd care if I took a few pictures?" Quil asked, even though Bella barely heard him. Even though she barely noticed as he leaned on one hip, pulling his cell phone out from his pocket. "Emily told me to take pictures, and the others'll probably want to see, too…"

Even when she felt a subtle warmth crawl through her veins.

One she couldn't explain but one that stuck around long after Bella finally was able to look away.

* * *

_Thanks again to all who've stuck with this story! You all rock my world. :)_

_Thoughts?_


	15. Chapter 14

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "My Blood" by Ellie Goulding**_

_._

The entire pack was over at Emily and Sam's when Bella pulled up to the house. Shutting off her car's ignition, she held her breath before letting it out in a swift rush. She was there to pick up Maddie but instead she waited, fingers curling tighter around the wheel as she counted to ten, hoping maybe she'd get lucky and everyone would leave for a training or something that wouldn't allow them to stop and chat.

She was in a foul mood, and a larger part of her really didn't want to explain to them why.

Her mother was in town.

Her mother was in town and she wanted to have dinner that night.

Bella's stepfather, Phil, was in the minor leagues and apparently the two of them were in Seattle for two weeks for some kind of training. Bella thought it was weird since it was June, and she always thought baseball training started in the spring. Regardless, she also never claimed to know much about sports and she still had yet to figure out a way to avoid seeing her mother during the fourteen days she'd be in Washington.

It wasn't that she didn't want to _see _her mother - it was more the fact Bella knew her much too well. Her mother was off living some grand life in Florida, traveling all the time and sending back postcards from places Bella would never go nor had any desire to see, so she'd barely seen her over the past nine years.

Still, much like Bella, her mother was a worrier. The only difference was she worried in a much more overbearing, condescending way.

And she knew her mother would want to spend two hours talking about things Bella had already dealt with and put behind her. She knew she'd be filled with suggestions Bella didn't want or need, but ones she'd give her anyway.

And frankly, Bella would rather avoid it than face it head on.

And she didn't want to talk about it because it made her feel stupid.

It made her feel weak, like maybe she hadn't taken quite as many steps as she thought she did.

Blinking, Bella realized she'd counted to thirty and the front door had yet to open. With a heavy sigh, she pulled the keys from the ignition, trying to steel her features before climbing brusquely out of the car.

Nine bodies were packed into Emily and Sam's kitchen, which meant eighteen eyes found her the moment she walked entirely too quickly through the door without so much as a knock. Emily afforded her a glance over her shoulder, smiling softly from where she stood in front of the kitchen sink. It took Bella everything she had inside her to smile back, letting it sweep over the others before it automatically fell from her mouth, dissolving beneath the weight of what was to come later that night.

She hadn't even said she'd go, but she hadn't said no either, but Bella already knew there was a larger part of her that wouldn't be able to.

Eyes landing on Jacob, who was standing at the head of the table, Bella watched as he tightly crossed his arms in front of him. Holding her gaze for a moment, he smiled at her too before letting his eyes fall to the pack, each of whom were scattered in various spots around the kitchen.

"Alright, you guys can all head out, if you want."

Nine voices erupted all at once as chairs were pushed back and bodies brushed past one another toward the door. Sam lingered back, giving Emily a swift kiss on the cheek before heading toward the back door. Bella stepped off to the side, hitching her thumbs in her pockets as Brady, Collin, Jared, and Leah disappeared past her and through the front door. Seth offered Bella a warm smile as he too left the house.

Releasing a deep breath, Bella turned her gaze back to the kitchen, where only three people remained. Emily had went back to the kitchen sink, which left only Jacob, who was still standing at the head of the table, and Quil, who was seated at it, hands clasped tightly in front of him.

Both were watching her carefully.

Almost like they _both _knew something was wrong.

"Where's Maddie?" she asked quietly, inwardly cringing at how cold and hostile her voice sounded, even though it had nothing to do with where she was or who she was talking to.

Coming to life, Quil made a rough noise in his throat as he cleared it. "Napping, last time anyone knew," he replied, rising effortlessly from his chair. He offered her a wary, careful smile. "I'll go get her."

Bella gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Thanks," she murmured.

Yet Quil didn't make it from the room before a whirlwind dressed in a bright pink sundress came tearing out of the hallway leading to the bedrooms, her hair in disarray and a wide smile on her face, despite the groggy look still resting in her eyes.

"Oh, there she is!" Quil exclaimed as Maddie ran into his legs, wrapping her arms around them and peering up at him raptly, the grin still attached to her features. "She's apparently too fast for her uncle Quil." Bending at the waist, he scooped her up, squeezing her with a theatrical growl as giggles erupted from her throat. "Although she sleeps like the dead," Quil continued, not really talking to anyone in particular. Pulling back for a moment, he leaned back in, leaving a swift kiss on her cheek. "She sleeps through a pack meeting and wakes up the second everyone leaves. Makes sense."

Bella hadn't meant to smile, but she did anyway when Quil finally set the little girl back on her feet.

"Something up, Bells?"

It took Bella a second to register Jacob was talking to her, lifting her gaze from Maddie, who had instinctively walked toward the front door - knowing the drill as she plopped onto the floor, reaching for her shoes. Blinking rapidly, Bella tried to clear her head - to ignore the concerned way Jacob was regarding her as he made his way around the table, approaching them both.

"I'm fine," Bella replied quickly. A little _too _quickly, because Jacob's frown deepened the moment she spoke.

"You're kind of a bad liar, Bella," Quil said from behind Jacob, lifting one eyebrow as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You storm in here like you can't wait to get out and that smile looks like it might literally be hurting you."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm _fine_," she insisted, ripping her stare away from both of them and concentrating on Maddie instead, who had one shoe on but appeared to be distracted by the metallic design on the other.

Glancing back up, something inside Bella sank when she noticed the restrained, knowing smirk fighting the corner of Jacob's mouth. When she realized he was about two seconds from calling her out on whatever was eating at her and forcing her to talk about it. After eight years, she could pretty much time it by the way he lifted his eyebrows. By the way his lips parted, because the same thing always followed.

Making a noise, she squeezed her eyes shut and lifted up her hand to stop him. She shook her head, waiting a handful of seconds before opening them. Heaving a resigned breath when she saw Jacob and Quil were _still _staring at her expectantly.

"My mom's in town," she muttered between clenched teeth.

Jacob expelled a long breath, both eyebrows lifting quickly in acknowledgement before his gaze dropped to the floor. "Well, that explains it…"

Bella sighed, taking a step away until she felt the door at her back. Releasing that last bit of hesitance to talk about it when she reached up and pushed her hair from her eyes, letting her arm fall bereftly to her side.

"And she wants to have dinner in Port Angeles tonight."

By the time Bella looked up, Quil was standing beside Jacob, letting his eyes pass back and forth between the two.

"We don't like your mom, right?"

Groaning softly, Bella shook her head. "It's not that, it's just...I haven't seen her since before…" Her voice drifted off, peering down once more at Maddie, who had finally pulled on her second shoe and was already on her feet, eyes trained on something else as she contemplated running off somewhere that would require her mother to go looking for her.

"And she's kind of an overbearing bitch," Jacob muttered under his breath, glancing at Quil out of the corner of his eye as he said it.

"Language!" Bella exclaimed without missing a beat, scowling at Jacob before he and Quil could both lower their eyes to floor, thoroughly scolded.

Pulling in a deep breath, Bella was already giving them a compliant look by the time they both glanced up.

"It's pretty much the truth though," she conceded, ignoring Jacob's astute half-smile and how Quil nodded in understanding. "She's going to spend the entire dinner wanting to talk about things I've already dealt with and telling me how I _should _deal with them because she thinks the way she lives makes her worldly and knowledgeable or _something_, when in reality, it just makes her sound selfish and out of touch. And it's just...I don't need her for this. I'm not interested in it…"

"Mommy, my picture." Bella felt a little hand tug at her over-shirt.

"Oh, I'll get it!"

Bella had almost forgotten about Emily, who was still at the sink in the kitchen. Abandoning the dishes, Emily wiped her wet hands on her pants before offering Bella a sympathetic smile, confirming she'd heard every word regardless of pretending to be occupied with other things.

"So is your mom really that bad?" Quil asked curiously, taking a step forward.

Reaching out, Bella stroked Maddie's dark hair, pushing a few loose strands back from her face. "She can be. It just depends...I'm just afraid of how she's going to be with all this. We're figuring it out. We're making do, and I know my mom. No matter how she means it, she'll spend the entire night convincing me I'm _not _okay."

Bella didn't miss the deep frown on Quil's face, even when Emily re-emerged from the bedroom hallway, carrying a piece of construction paper between her fingers. "She drew this today before her nap," Emily explained, offering Maddie a wide grin as she handed it to the little girl.

"Thanks, Emily," Bella murmured.

"Mommy, look!"

Anticipating the big reveal, Bella glanced down at her daughter. "My picture," she announced, holding up the piece of construction paper on which she'd created her latest work of art consisting of colored shapes, filled in after Emily had drawn the figures for her.

"That's very pretty, honey," Bella acknowledged. "Should we put it in your bag?"

Maddie's eyes lit up, her own idea forming behind the bright gaze. "Can we take to Daddy?"

Letting out a breath, Bella couldn't help but smile.

It was a simple reminder that more than a year later, Embry was still on his little girl's mind. That her heart had not come anywhere close to forgetting who he was and what he meant to her.

And Bella knew...she _had _to believe that no matter what her mother would try to tell her - no matter how hard it was to hear or bear - they _were _doing okay.

"Tomorrow, honey, I promise," Bella whispered, stroking the little girl's hair one last time. "Grandma Renee is gonna be in town tonight and I have to go see her."

Bella thought she might be home free - that her little girl was going to accept that explanation at face value - until she saw the lower lip come out. Until she saw those big ebony eyes turn liquid in front of her own.

And she almost took it back.

She almost said yes, already coming up with excuses in her head she could give her mother. Releasing a pained sigh, Bella's features drooped as she tried to come up with something to say that would cut the tears off before they started.

However, the words were lost on her tongue when she suddenly felt a large hand on her shoulder.

She hadn't realized Jacob was standing behind her, watching the entire scene with a smile on his face.

"You need to go," he whispered. "Just get it over with."

Chewing on her lower lip, Bella reached up, covering his hand with hers. "I know."

"I can take Maddie," he continued, and Bella didn't miss how the clouds covering her daughter's features dissipated completely with four little words. "I haven't been by to see him in awhile either..."

Even though she bit down harder on her lip, Bella smiled, squeezing Jacob's hand tighter.

"Come on, honey," Jacob piped up, his voice rich and jubilant. "Looks like you get to hang out with your uncle Jake tonight…"

"Yay!"

Stepping around Bella, Jacob gave her a swift wink before taking Maddie's outstretched hand and snatching up the bag Bella always sent along when she dropped her daughter off at Emily's. Standing there for several moments, she watched them both make their way on foot toward the end of the driveway, Jacob's pace slowing to compensate for Maddie's.

Bella had barely missed the warmth beside her before it was replaced with another - one that had become just as familiar.

"It's only two hours," Quil whispered softly, his voice and presence right next to her. "Just...order the most expensive thing on the menu. At least make it worth it."

Bella couldn't help the chuckle that slipped through her lips, tightening her grip on herself. Quil's words comforting her in some odd way, so much so she wished she could just hang onto it until the end of the night…

_Maybe she could keep it there…_

"Come with me?"

She barely realized she spoke the words until she felt Quil move next to her. Until she swallowed and processed the fact they _had _come from her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she glanced up, meeting Quil's eyes. Realizing they were already watching her.

"Maybe if you come, it'll distract my mother," Bella grasped, trying to smile. "It couldn't hurt, right?"

Bella didn't miss the flicker of disappointment as it raced across Quil's face, disappearing a moment after it appeared.

"Shit, Bella, I would, but…" he replied, his shoulders sagging beneath the weight of something Bella could tell he didn't want to say. An answer he didn't want to give her. "I promised my grandpa I'd stop by his cabin tonight." Frowning, he lowered his eyes, staring at anything but hers before he continued. "There's a leak in his roof and he just...can't get up there like he used to, and I told him I'd come by tonight…"

Bella was thankful she reminded herself to smile when Quil finally glanced back to her.

"It's okay," she assured, trying to convince him as well as herself. "Your family is more important than my stupid insecurities."

"Bella," he murmured, "they're not stupid...and you're my family, too."

Closing her eyes, Bella ignored the way her stomach twisted beneath the words, in a way she couldn't quite place. Still, she shook her head. "Yeah, but that's more important."

"I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could...I really do."

"It's okay," Bella reassured once more, projecting every ounce of sincerity into her voice. Meaning it, and hoping it somehow came through in her words. "Seriously. It was just an idea. I'll be fine." Smiling, she was inwardly grateful when Quil's features softened and he offered her one in return. "LIke you said...it's only a couple hours."

Quil lifted one eyebrow, brushing his shoulder comfortingly against hers. "Most expensive thing on the menu."

Bella smiled, tucking her lower lip between her teeth. "Steak and lobster," she agreed. "My mouth is watering already."

* * *

_Boooo, Quil..._

_Thoughts?_


	16. Chapter 15

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Monument" by Fossil Collective**_

.

"So, honey, how has Maddie been adjusting? I know she was always so close to Embry, from what you told me on the phone…"

Bella's foot tapped anxiously beneath the table as one hand fidgeted with the cloth napkin on her lap, the other gripping the menu tighter. Glancing down, she swallowed hard, refusing to look at her mother.

They'd barely sat down and opened their menus before the question fell from Renee's mouth.

Taking a deep breath, Bella scanned the appetizers for probably the sixth time, seeing the words but not really comprehending them. A lot of them were in French anyway, and once again, Bella found herself wondering where the hell her mother came from. Why the little bistro was the place she felt compelled to pick when there were so many other places in Port Angeles. Places that had menus in English. Places that had hot wings, pizza, and milkshakes.

That was more _her _than where they were.

Bella hated brie. She hated oysters even more.

And Bella was willing to bet her mother would know that if for once in Bella's twenty-five years of life the other woman ever stopped talking long enough to listen.

Yet Bella was still there, wondering all over again who her mother was trying to impress or what kind of statement she was trying to make by forcing her daughter to put on a dress and curl her hair.

Wishing she _did _like oysters because so far, the slimy little things were the most expensive thing on the menu...

"She's doing fine," Bella answered curtly, finally looking up, her gaze landing on her stepfather. "How's training going, Phil?"

Phil opened his mouth to speak but was promptly interrupted by his wife.

"That's so good, sweetie," Renee continued with a breathy sigh. "If she is doing better, that's good. But you know, Bella, if you're still having trouble, there's nothing wrong with getting a little help. Maybe seeing someone." Her mother peered at her over her menu, both eyebrows up from what Bella could see in the bistro's dim lighting, clearly telling her it was something Bella should be doing anyway. "Sometimes the right therapist can work wonders if find one who knows what they're doing. I know I went and saw one for a couple years there when you were little, and they can be miracle workers when it comes to fixing a person."

Bella swallowed past the knot in her throat, her foot twitching faster beneath the table and her hand balling into a fist around the napkin.

"We're not _broken_, Mom."

"Oh, I'm not saying you are, honey, but it can't hurt," Renee trilled. "Something like this can sometimes do more damage in the long run if you don't try to deal with it right away. I've also heard acupuncture can help with emotional trauma. It chemically balances you, according to my acupuncturist, and I'm willing to bet she could refer you to someone around here if I asked her…"

Bella bit down hard on the inside of her cheek - so hard she swore she tasted blood.

"Renee, I'm sure Bella can find one without your help," Phil muttered, although his tone was resigned. Complacent. Like he knew even if he spoke up, it wouldn't do any good.

Bella probably knew it before he did though.

God, she just wanted to go home. She just wanted to go back to La Push, pick up Maddie from Jacob's and spend the night with her family.

_Her family…_

Glancing up, Bella thought she was seeing things at first. She blinked once - twice, three times - before she leaned forward in her chair, lowering her menu and trying to place the dark tousled hair pushing through the front door. How familiar it seemed, as her gaze traveled down, mapping out the outline of a frame she swore she knew, waiting for the person to step out from behind the couple who walked in the bistro first. For some reason, inexplicably holding her breath as the other people finally got out of the way.

As Bella lost her breath anyway.

Quil caught her gaze the same time she realized it was him - the same time a shocked smile pulled at her lips. The same time he offered a grin and a sly lift of his eyebrows before he effortlessly passed the couple in front of him, saying something to them she couldn't hear. Lithely weaving in between tables as he approached the one Bella, her mother, and Phil were sitting at.

Bella was frozen, but still smiling when he stepped behind the one free chair at the table.

When she didn't bother to look at her mother or Phil to see their reaction to their unexpected guest.

It didn't matter.

She was just thankful, filled with an overpowering gratitude simply because Quil showed up. That he was still there, even for that moment, one she couldn't help but feel like she desperately needed him for.

Bella shook her head, finding her voice a moment later. "You made it," she murmured, the words laced with a breathy disbelief.

"You bet I did," he replied, low enough that she knew her mother and Phil would have a hard time hearing him, "Luckily, Jake told me where you were going and Jared owed me a favor, so him and my grandpa's roof are getting acquainted."

Letting his gaze linger for a moment, Quil offered Bella a brilliant grin before turning it on the rest of the table. Bella took that opportunity to pick up her menu again, ignoring how her fingers inexplicably shook, and to glance at her mother, who was watching the intrusion with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"Hi, sorry I'm late," Quil announced, leaning over and offering Renee his hand. She took it tentatively, her lips pulling into a confused smile as he shook it. "Quil Ateara. You must be Bella's mom."

Bella's hand drifted to her mouth, hiding her smile as Quil finished his introductions. Her gaze lifting a moment later as his fell toward her. As she saw the mischievous spark in his eyes a moment before he bent at the waist, the scent of a subtle cologne she'd never smelled on him before filtering into her nostrils as he drew closer. As Bella held her breath for a reason completely lost to her.

As Quil's warm breath danced across her skin the moment his lips left a soft kiss on Bella's cheek.

Leaving Bella stunned and inexplicably breathless as he lingered for a single moment.

"Think that'll give your mom something else to talk about?" he whispered, his voice low and playful and her ear.

Bella clamped her jaw, biting down hard on her bottom lip to stifle a laugh the moment Quil pulled away, taking that scent and his warmth with him. As Bella cleared her throat, Quil pulled out the chair next to her and collapsed into it with a relaxed sigh, like his presence there and what he had just done was the most natural thing in the world.

Finally finding her ability to move, Bella's gaze alternated between him and her mother, who sat across the table, seemingly unable to think of a single thing else to say. Both eyebrows stuck in a state of shock as she glanced at Phil for some kind of confirmation she wasn't going to get. Before he shrugged and she simply picked up her menu, pressing her lips together in a tight smile.

Closing her damn mouth.

Lifting her menu slightly, Bella turned her head just enough to look at Quil.

"You didn't have to come," she whispered, noticing the smile pull at the corner of his mouth as he unrolled his silverware from the cloth napkin. As he draped it over his lap and Bella noticed how he was wearing clothes she'd never seen before. A nice pair of dark jeans and a crisp button-up shirt.

Clearing his throat slightly, Quil picked up his menu before warm, dancing eyes settled on her, still holding back that smile. Before he parted his lips, but let the silence hang between them like he was trying to think of something to say. To explain why he hadn't listened to her and why he was suddenly there.

Why he decided to show up even after she told him not to.

"What?" she whispered, feeling a subtle blush creep into her cheeks.

Quil still didn't speak. He didn't answer right away - instead, he simply watched her. Holding her eyes until the smallest of smiles spread across his lips. A different one, Bella noticed - one she'd never seen before and definitely not one she was used to.

Just like she wasn't used to the warmth in his eyes. The way they continued to linger, longer than they normally did.

The way it elicited a similar warmth in her, until she had to glance away. Releasing herself from it for a moment before she eventually looked back.

Quil lowered his gaze, leaning toward her slightly, black eyes peering up at her before he _finally _spoke. Whispering to her across the inches separating them.

"You're important to me, too, Bella."

* * *

_Fooooooooled you! :D_

_Ugh, this chapter. Warm, anyone? Fuzzies?_

_Thoughts?_


	17. Chapter 16

_****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Rabbit Hole" by The Temper Trap**_

**.**

"So how was the date?"

Quil paused in the middle of taking a bite, his fork suspended in mid-air. Instead of moving, he blinked at Paul in bewilderment. The other man was sitting across the table, a smashed up roll in his hand. It was missing a bite, and Quil could easily see where it was as Paul eyed him knowingly, chewing with his mouth wide open, displaying the food for the entire world - or, more specifically, Quil - to see.

Still, Quil wasn't sure if he heard the other man right.

Glancing to his left, he saw Emily was already watching him from the kitchen island, looking away as soon as his eyes captured hers, almost like he caught her doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. The rest of the pack had already headed out to the woods for training, but Quil and Paul had showed up to the house late after spending the entire day re-shingling his grandpa's roof. Emily had insisted they eat something before they go, so there they were.

Truth be told, Quil really just wanted a damn nap, but Jacob was in some kind of mood and having none of it.

And apparently, Paul was too, because now he'd taken to making shit up. It was obvious since Quil had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

"What date?" Quil asked, the confusion thick in his voice. Frowning, he lowered his fork.

Lifting both eyebrows, Paul gaped at him like he couldn't comprehend _how _Quil didn't know what he was talking about.

"Last week...with Bella."

Quil almost dropped his fork.

Once he was sure he had a firm grip on the utensil, Quil swallowed his stomach back into his body where it belonged, knowing Paul had to be referring to the dinner with Bella's mom.

And that certainly _wasn't _a date.

Quil hadn't even thought of it like that. He'd gone because Bella had told him how hard it was going to be and she'd needed the distraction to keep her mother from asking all kinds of questions about the last sixteen months. He'd done it to be nice.

He'd done it because he knew what it would mean to her.

He'd done it as a friend, because it was just like he said.

She was important to him...

"Dude, that wasn't a date." Despite the time he took to think about each one, the words tumbled out of his mouth a little too quickly.

Paul took another bite of roll. "Did you pay for dinner?"

Quil swallowed. "Well...yeah."

"Did you go back to her place after?"

Rolling his eyes, Quil decided to put down the fork, leaning back in his chair instead. "Well..._yeah_," he pushed out, suddenly wondering why he didn't just lie to Paul about it. It would have been a hell of a lot easier. "But only because Maddie heard me when Bella called back to Jake's and wanted a story…"

"But you still went back," Paul stated matter-of-factly, a triumphant smirk creeping across his mouth.

"What the fuck is your point, man?" Quil asked, the irritation laced through his voice. "Yes. I went back to her place, but…"

"Dude, give it up," Paul interrupted pointedly with a wag of his eyebrows. "It was totally a date."

If Quil hadn't been so damn confused trying to figure out the point of Paul's twenty questions and why he was so hell bent in calling the dinner the week earlier a "date", he might have just got up and shut Paul up with a fist to the mouth.

"It was not a date," Quil repeated through clenched teeth.

That time, Paul sighed, shooting a not-so-subtle glance at Emily. Just out of curiousity, Quil followed the other man's eyes, finding Emily watching them again - only that time, she was under cover of leftovers she was pretending to put in containers.

For a second, a part of Quil felt like it was planned attack. Like maybe it was something they all had talked about before. Maybe when he wasn't around...

"Alright, Q, let me put it this way since it's clear you really don't have an ounce of self-awareness in that pretty head of yours," Paul continued, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms behind his head, narrowing his eyes before he spoke. "When's the last time you actually went on a date?"

If there was one thing Quil hated more than Paul being right, it was when Paul made good points.

_There was no living with him when that kind of shit happened…_

The silence was worse though - as Quil searched the depths of his memory, coming up with absolutely nothing that he could remember or, at the very least, anything that was _worth _remembering.

Instead, Quil gaped at Paul before deciding to grasp at straws, turning his stare to Emily.

"Can we fucking talk about something else?"

Emily blinked, taking a moment before she swallowed thickly. "Paul," she warned, even though her voice was meek. Even though it scratched at Quil's nerves because he swore there was a hint of her own curiosity in there somewhere. "They're just friends...the same way Bella is friends with the rest of us."

Paul snorted. "Yeah, because the rest of us totally spend every spare minute over at her house. Jake's her best friend and he's not even over there as much as you."

"Seriously, dude...what the fuck is your point?" Quil seethed, the interrogation game Paul was playing slowly starting to get under his skin. "You _know _why I'm there..."

"I think it's more than that," Paul interrupted with a shrug, reaching for his water glass. "Shitty part is she's totally friend-zoned you."

Quil bristled. "_Excuse_ me?"

"Bella," Paul said slowly, leaning forward in his chair. Enunciating both syllables like he thought Quil couldn't have heard it even if he was standing on the road in front of the house. "She's friend-zoned you. She's got you running around, doing all the things a boyfriend would do, looking after Maddie, running errands, taking her to dinner...without any of the benefits."

It took Quil a long time to find his voice. Instead, his head rocked back and forth, face creasing beneath a deep frown as he tried to come up with _any _kind of decent response to that.

One that didn't involve kicking the crap out of Paul for even suggesting it.

Because at that point, he really fucking wanted to kick the crap out of him.

"I really think your mom dropped you on your head one too many times as a baby." Quil gaped at Paul in disbelief. "Especially if you think that's what I'm after."

Paul shrugged nonchalantly, like what he suggested wasn't the least bit offensive. "I'm just saying, man…"

Quil had a hard time finding any words. Somehow, though, he managed.

"You do realize we're talking about Bella, right? You know - the mother of Embry's kid."

Paul snorted again, but Quil didn't miss how his gaze pulled away and the cocky grin on his lips faltered.

"Yeah, well, it's not like Call's around to piss-pound you for barking up his tree."

"I should seriously knock you on your ass right now," Quil growled, crossing his arms tightly in front of his chest. "She's not _making _me do any of those things. I _want _to be there. I want to hang out with Maddie, and yeah...I enjoy spending time with Bella. That doesn't automatically mean I'm after more."

"Okay, fine. I'll give you that, but seriously...when is the last time you got laid?"

Quil's mouth fell open….

_God dammit._

Quil had never been the poster child for chastity - not by a long shot, but when Paul asked him, he again found himself genuinely having to think about the last time he'd been with someone. The last time he'd even _thought _about it, or looked at one where the thought immediately followed.

It only took a handful of seconds for him to realize he _hadn't _- thought about it, looked at them, _none _of it - since before Embry died. All of it was applicable.

And something about it, combined with Paul's words, twisted his stomach in knots.

Like he was seeing something he hadn't realized before.

"Exactly," Paul muttered under his breath, not waiting for Quil's response. "And why would you go looking some place else? That's my point, man...pretty sure you spend most of your day where you wanna be anyway."

Quil still didn't speak. Even as Paul stood and shuffled out of the kitchen, snagging another roll for the road, he didn't move. Instead, he simply stared at his lap and wondered…

Where the hell it came from. Where Paul had gotten all those ideas and theories, or why he suddenly felt like he had any kind of insight worth sharing.

_Pretty sure you spend most of your day where you wanna be anyway…_

And Quil wondered about other things - things he'd never given a second thought, like how quickly he'd called his grandpa the week before to ask if he could check on his roof the following day. How he'd risked the old man's wrath and practically begged for forgiveness after Quil told him he'd send Jared instead.

How he hadn't really felt bad the moment he saw Bella sitting in that restaurant. How the smile she gave him when she first saw him lit up her entire face.

How much it had meant to him when he saw it.

How it took his fucking breath away in that moment, and how he hadn't given _that _much thought either.

How, in the months leading up to that moment, he found himself looking forward to the time he spent with her just as much as he did the time he spent with Maddie. How that little girl always seemed to give him a reason to get up in the morning. How he always seemed to smile around her mother...

How sometimes a little part of him enjoyed those moments more than the rest, sometimes in entirely different ways…

For entirely different reasons aside from the promise he made. Aside from _the _one reason and the person he told himself every day it was for.

But still Quil sat there, longer than he should have, losing track of where Emily was. Losing track of time as he brought up every single other reason in his head. Recycling them. Again and again.

As what Paul said to him - slowly, piece by piece - suddenly made a little more sense.

* * *

_Heeeeere we goooooo! :D_

_Raise your hand if you never expected Paul to be the one to be the bearer of such remarkably good points...LOL_

_Anyway...thoughts?_


	18. Chapter 17

_**AN: **__Alright, guys… this one's gonna seem a little familiar, which means we have now reached the point of the original drabble. This chapter is an expansion of said drabble with more context, more conversation, and less history, so don't skip it. Love all of you! _

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Don't Fear" by The Honey Trees**_

_._

"Okay, so just imagine the water is a big tub of chocolate syrup…"

One hand pressing hard against the dock beneath her, Bella reached up, lowering her sunglasses. The late July sun was hot and Bella, Maddie, and the entire pack had decided to spend their Sunday taking advantage of the uncharacteristic summer sunshine. Days like the one they were in were few and far between on the Olympic peninsula, and Bella swore she could feel her pale skin literally soaking up the sun's rays.

Peering over the rim of her sunglasses, Bella's gaze found her daughter several feet away. She stood on the dock, closer to the beach, leaving a good twelve inches of space between her and the edge. She gripped the inner tube around her waist, contemplating moving closer but thinking better of it each time she tried to take a step toward where the dock ended and the journey to water began.

Quil was trying to get her to jump though. Valiantly prodding her to try something new, like always.

Shifting her gaze for a moment, Bella's eyes scanned the beach, seeing all the faces she knew. Jacob, Sam, Paul, Seth. Emily, Anna, and Rachel. Letting her eyes linger, she felt the same tightness in her chest that always showed up during moments like this. Moments she wasn't lost in life and motherhood and pack business.

A split second to remind her who was missing.

Closing her eyes though, Bella let it pass the same way she always did.

Opening them a moment later, Maddie was the first person she saw. The little girl was now jumping up and down on her short, chubby legs, squealing louder than she needed to but in an ecstatic way that would make everyone around her smile. The noise automatically pulled Bella's eyes away from the dock, toward the water. Toward the source of it.

Finding Quil standing chest-deep in the waves, trying to prompt her soft-spoken, cautious little girl off the dock.

"Chocolate syrup, honey. I'm telling you. You can do it. Jump!"

More squeals ensued, and Bella felt herself smile.

"Only Quil would try to rationalize with a toddler..."

Blinking, Bella turned away from the sight she was focused on, looking to her right and finding Leah next to her. She'd almost forgot the other woman was there. Bella wasn't positive, but she was pretty sure Leah was eyeing her from behind her own sunglasses, a gaze she couldn't see lingering. Leah tipped her head back though, letting the rare sunshine spill over her copper skin.

Chuckling, Bella brushed her hair behind her shoulder before her eyes were drawn back to her daughter. "I don't think he's gonna get her to jump."

Leah made a noise of dissent. "He will, even if he has to stay in that water all fucking day to do it."

She sighed though, and Bella found herself inexplicably holding her breath.

She envied Quil a little...how he always seemed to be able to make those around him move. How he could convince them just about anything was possible.

How she knew Leah was right because her daughter would do just about anything her uncle Quil asked her to.

Maddie moved. Every single day, her daughter moved. She grew, she learned, she smiled. Every single day, Bella was exponentially grateful for it.

Still, Bella couldn't help but feel like she had done _her _moving.

That she had hit a spot where she was inexplicably stuck.

It was hard to place it, but ever since a month earlier when they had dinner with her mother, Bella could feel it. She could trace it back to that night even though she had no idea why. It was a restlessness, a feeling of being in some kind of unexplainable void, somewhere between the devastation of what she lost and truly putting it behind her. Of accepting it in a way that let her move on.

To a find a way that allowed her to admit and see that her life - the parts beyond simply breathing and getting up in the morning and bandaging skinned knees and going to bed every night - didn't end when Embry's did, as much as it killed her to think it. As much as saying it out loud would have destroyed her.

Still, it had been weighing on Bella, and she knew what it was.

She wanted more…

Of what, she wasn't sure...but she wanted more.

"So...I'm kind of proud of you, you know…"

The words pulled Bella out of her head, her face screwing up in confusion as she tried to place the words. As she turned a perplexed gaze back to the other woman, trying to confirm it _was _Leah who said them and how they argued with everything Bella was thinking until that point.

"Proud of _me_?"

Leah nodded lazily. "You heard me, Swan," she confirmed. "I mean it. I know it was hard for you, for a long time, and if we're being honest...I respect you more now than I did before. You have your bad days, but you keep going. I don't think I could've done it…"

Pushing off the dock with her hands, Bella sat up straight, readjusting her bathing suit before glancing back at Leah. "You could...you're stronger than me, Leah."

"Maybe," she admitted, "but in different ways. And I'm too stubborn. I wouldn't have taken any help, and in this case, I think you'd almost _need _to. I woulda tried to do it all on my own and probably killed myself in the process."

Bella winced, but it went away as she took a deep breath. "I had my reason," Bella said quietly, still watching as Maddie finally took a step closer to the edge.

"Can't think of a better one," Leah replied knowingly. "Someone would have stepped up, you know...had it not been Quil. You know, if he wasn't the one there when it happened."

That time, Bella smiled even though she felt like she shouldn't, knowing it was probably the truth. Knowing her family really was much larger than her and Maddie. Knowing there were so many more people who were a part of it. That they always made things more bearable, if she let them.

"But I don't think anyone would have done it as wholeheartedly as he did it," Leah pushed on.

Bella knew Leah was right about that part, too, and another piece of Bella was thankful it _had _been Quil. Bella could easily remember all the moments - all the tea parties, all the ice cream dates, the trips to the playground, her birthday party, the stories, the hugs and kisses.

How he'd done it all without a complaint or a second thought.

How it all somehow helped to fill a void in her daughter's life without replacing what she lost. He'd helped the little girl through it, even though he had no idea what he was doing.

But Bella knew...it made all the difference in the world.

And just seeing the way her daughter smiled at him made it impossible to envision anyone else in his place...

"I know," Bella whispered, her toes catching a wave beneath her feet. The smile still on her lips as she watched Quil splashing around in the water, causing the grin on Maddie's face to widen. "She loves him."

"And he'd do just about anything for her. You know that, right?"

Bella knew. More than anything, she knew.

"I know," Bella repeated, finally glancing back at Leah to find the other woman's head angled toward her, both eyebrows peeking out from above her sunglasses.

That time though, Leah dipped her head, lowering her glasses that time. Two black eyes searched Bella's, almost imploring her to believe what she was going to say next.

"So that means you know he'd do just about anything for you, too…"

Bella glanced down at her lap, hands curling around the edge of the dock. Lips parting even though she couldn't think of a single thing to say. Even though Leah's words brought out that warmth in her - one she'd been feeling a lot of lately. One she couldn't really explain, but one she felt that day at the rec center.

The one she felt again the night she went to dinner with her mother.

"He promised he would," Bella whispered, the words sounding more uncertain than she anticipated.

Leah made a groaning noise in her throat. "And you're an idiot if you think that after almost a year and a half, that's the _only _reason he's still around as much as he is."

Lifting her gaze, Bella automatically found her daughter. Lingering for a moment before letting her eyes pull away from the little girl to the man in the water. To his outstretched arms. To the way, for a split second, he noticed her watching him and winked, his smile staying where it was before he turned back to Maddie.

As Bella remembered the first few dinners at the diner. As she remembered the movie nights, the conversations they'd have as she made dinner and Maddie watched television.

How he had always been there, even before she realized how much it would mean to her.

_But it _did _mean something to her..._

And Bella was _still _thinking about it, even as Maddie took that last step forward. As she felt that warmth again - stronger, more consuming than all the times before - the moment her daughter finally jumped from the dock, straight into Quil's waiting arms.

He'd finally convinced her to jump.

And Bella smiled.

She smiled, and she couldn't help but think maybe her daughter had it figured out all along.

* * *

_Thanks so much to all who've reviewed the past couple days! Will be reaching out soon to say my individual thanks. :)_

_Thoughts?_


	19. Chapter 18

_****__********__********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Silhouettes" by Of Monsters And Men**_

.

Later that night, Quil was still smiling when he pulled the patchwork quilt over Maddie's sleeping body.

He was careful not to disturb her when he tucked it under her small frame, making sure she was snug in her bed before he straightened. Before he released a deep breath, making sure the night light was on before he turned and retreated silently from the room.

The strong, pungent aroma of brewing coffee filtered into Quil's nostrils the moment he closed the bedroom door behind him. It was a smell he loved, although he wasn't so fond of the taste. It usually took one or two - or ten - spoonfuls of creamer to make it tolerable for him. Still, he smiled anyway, appreciating the gesture.

It had been a good day, and a part of him was grateful that maybe Bella planned to let him stick around a little longer that night…

Because he hadn't really stopped thinking about what Paul said to him a month earlier or the questions it brought forward in his mind. And Quil would be lying if he said there wasn't a part of him that had purposely tried to spend more time with Bella. To find some shred of fallacy in the words, hoping maybe a little time would squelch it and put it all to rest.

But time hadn't helped.

In fact, it only made it worse.

Because suddenly Quil was aware of _everything_. How when he was home by himself, he suddenly wished he wasn't. How often he caught himself simply watching Bella as she moved around her house. How when she laughed, the sound of it curled around his insides and squeezed tight in a way he'd felt before but had been unable to place.

How every time she accidentally touched him, the feeling only got worse.

Fuck, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with it...with _any _of it.

Rounding the corner, Quil took a deep breath before his gaze found Bella, leaning against the kitchen counter. She was still dressed in her clothes from the beach, a gauzy white cover-up obscuring everything beneath it and an empty coffee mug in her hand. She looked a million miles away, barely affording him a glance as he stepped into the room.

"She's asleep," Quil confirmed, shoving his hands in his pockets and offering Bella an easy smile when she finally looked up.

Something inside him leaped when she smiled in return.

He also hadn't realized how much he missed that - Bella's smiles. It had taken so long for her to even remember _how _to smile...and a part of him had been appreciating them even more than he had before, in yet another way he couldn't explain.

"Thank you," she whispered, her fingers curling a little tighter around the mug's handle.

"Hey, no problem," Quil replied, pushing himself off the doorframe before he eyed the percolator, imagining how good a cup of coffee with some vanilla creamer would be right that second. He knew he'd seen a bottle of it on the bottom shelf of the fridge the last time he was there. "I didn't even have to wear a tiara while telling her a bedtime story, so I'd call this one a pretty easy victory."

Bella just watched him, her smile staying where it was when he reached the counter beside her. Tipping his head down, a part of him was suddenly paralyzed as those chestnut eyes appraised him in a way he'd never seen before. As she pulled in a deep breath, releasing it.

Aside from that, she didn't say a single word as something shifted in her eyes. As they darted down for a single second.

_To his mouth..._

Quil wasn't sure why he was holding his breath, but he was. A part of him forgetting _how _to breathe when Bella finally looked away, placing the coffee mug on the kitchen counter just inches from his fingers.

He would never call Bella Swan sneaky, but somehow she was able to surprise him in that moment. Somehow, he missed when her hand reached out instead, curling around his t-shirt. Pulling him over from where he was, another part of him not sure why he moved so easily.

Why he was suddenly in front of her, bending forward, and why he could feel her other hand grasp at his waist.

Why he couldn't stop looking at those perfect, pink lips just before he covered them with his...

It was like someone flipped a switch, yet it was so completely effortless.

The coffee was long forgotten as Quil reached up, one hand pushing through Bella's hair as she clung to him, pulling him closer. As she nipped tentatively at his lower lip and he parted his, allowing her to deepen the kiss. Tasting the sweetness of her breath when it mixed with his.

It was hesitant but sure, and all Quil could feel were Bella's hands clasping his arms. Grazing his chest. Pushing under his shirt when she sighed against his mouth, turning that warmth he felt before into a deep, consuming burn in Quil's veins. Threatening to swallow him whole if he didn't slow down. If he didn't speed up. If he didn't think better of what was happening.

But she tasted so good. She _felt _so good, her tiny, inexplicably willing body pressed against his.

Fuck, he lost track of his movements. What was happening, but somehow Bella was in his arms. Somehow, he lifted her to the kitchen table, ignoring the items tumbling from it to the floor when her bare thighs hitched around his hips. She kissed him harder, her hand roughly gripping the back of his head when his hands moved to her front. When Quil silently cursed his big, meaty fingers when he found himself struggling with the buttons of the stupid piece of flimsy clothing she wore.

_Fuck it…_

The buttons gave way with a single flick of his wrist, each one flying in a different direction, skidding across the kitchen linoleum, disappearing into corners and under appliances.

"I hope you weren't a fan of that shirt," he whispered, grinning against Bella's lips.

"I have more," she growled, swallowing any response Quil may have had when she kissed him again. Drawing in a sharp breath through her nose when he pressed his weight against her - when he lowered her against the table, his mouth separating from hers. Subtle shivers misfired beneath his skin when he let his lips travel over the flesh just below her bathing suit top, kissing the spaces between her ribs. His mouth tasting the spot just above her belly button, every part of his body relishing the way she fucking trembled beneath his hands. The soft, breathy noises falling from her mouth.

God, what she was doing to him already, and this was only the first time. He'd thought about it, how she would…

_He'd thought about it…_

It only took a split fucking second for a crippling doubt to overcome the fire in Quil's veins. To make his lips still against Bella's skin, even though her small hands tightened in his hair. Tugging. Wanting more. Encouraging him, even if he didn't have a fucking clue why...or how they'd suddenly went from what they were to what they were doing in that moment.

If Bella was ready for it.

If _he _was ready for it…

Quil rocked back, crouching to the floor as Bella released him, heavy, conflicted breaths racking his chest. He glanced up in the dim kitchen lighting, seeing a flushed Bella blink at him, every part of her bewildered before she finally gathered her bearings. Before she sat up, her hands tentatively reaching out and brushing Quil's face with shaky fingers.

Pushing out a ragged breath, Quil straightened, not able to ignore how Bella's eyes followed. How she fought to catch her own breath. Her eyes…

How he could see the slightest flicker of hurt in them. Of rejection.

"I'm sorry," she breathed.

_Fuck, that's not what he meant._

_That's not how he wanted her to feel._

Lips parting, he reached out, taking her face between his hands this time.

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry," he insisted, shaking his head wildly. "I should be the one...I mean, it's just that…" Quil stopped, taking a breath and hanging onto those eyes watching him. Gathering his thoughts before he said another word.

"Is this what you want, Bella?" he questioned quietly, trying to project every ounce of sincerity and purpose he held inside him through a single look. "Do you...want things to be this way?"

Blinking, she dropped her gaze but not before Quil could see the conflict in it. Not before he could see he was probably right. That maybe his guilt and his uncharacteristic ability to pump the brakes had saved them both from making a huge mistake…

But then she looked back up, and Quil found himself holding his breath.

Every fiber of him waiting for her response.

The small, reserved smile - in comparison to moments earlier - melted his fucking heart.

"I want you here," she whispered, eyes wide and sincere. "And I wanted to know what that would feel like, even...even if I don't know what that means yet."

Quil tried to ignore what her words did to his insides - the hope they ignited - making it almost as prominent as the guilt that stopped him in the first place. This isn't why he had done it. This isn't why he had promised Embry, but after a year and a half of being there - a year and a half of watching Bella get stronger, every fucking day, and after a year and a half of watching Maddie grow - he couldn't think of a single thing he wanted more.

And it made him feel like the shittiest best friend in the world.

Which is how he knew he hadn't just stopped for Bella. He'd stopped for him, too.

Because he definitely wasn't ready either…

With a sigh, Quil leaned forward, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Bella's forehead. Lingering there for a second as she allowed it, taking a deep breath and, for whatever reason, keeping that intoxicating scent of vanilla, lavender, and sea inside him for later.

"We can go slow," he suggested, lips moving against her skin. "Figure this out."

Bella leaned back, her eyes searching his for more, her expression filled with a resignation that both disappointed and comforted Quil.

"How?" she whispered, wanting a definite, even if Quil had no idea how to give her one.

Yet somehow, an answer still formed on his dry tongue.

"One day at a time, honey," he replied, giving her the smallest smiles even though she couldn't see it. "The same way we've been doing it this whole time."

* * *

_*grins*_

_Thoughts?_


	20. Chapter 19

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "The Gilded Hand" by Radical Face**_

.

The first time Quil slipped and thought about what happened between him and Bella was a week later.

He was phased with Jacob.

Quil was normally pretty good about keeping thoughts he didn't want shared under lock and key, but with as much as he'd been thinking about it - the way Bella felt, the way her skin tasted, the soft moans she released against his mouth - he was bound to slip.

He was _bound to fucking slip_.

And he definitely slipped.

However, what he _wasn't _expecting was for Jacob's thoughts to go completely silent. For him to order Quil back to two legs, phasing back himself before Quil could really argue. He listened, straightening his frame once all the fur disappeared and eyeing his friend carefully as he anxiously pushed one hand through his disheveled hair.

He expected Jacob to be a little angry, and he definitely was. That much was clear.

Quil knew because he could see it in the way Jacob was suddenly pacing the forest floor, still naked as a fucking jaybird. Bringing both hands up to his face, Jacob rubbed his temples, shaking his head back and forth erratically.

Regarding his friend with wide eyes, Quil ventured forward one step. Pulling in cautious breath after cautious breath as he reached out, almost like he was trying to placate his Alpha - and Bella's best friend - with a single, meaningless gesture.

"Jake, man…" he whispered.

He expected it when Jake dropped his arms to his sides and finally stopped pacing. When suddenly he went completely still and glared at Quil, a fire and anger in his eyes and a tension in his body Quil had only a handful of seconds to prepare himself for.

He expected Jake to move and he did, crossing the distance separating them with a purpose and a vengeance that had Quil taking a step back.

What Quil _hadn't _expected, however, was for Jacob to tell him _exactly _how he felt with a right hook to the fucking jaw.

Quil swore he heard a crunch as Jacob's fist connected with his face. As his friend's hulking frame suddenly disappeared from in front of him and the only thing Quil could see or feel was the forest floor pressed against his chest and stars momentarily dancing in his vision.

He took a moment to catch his breath. To blink away the blackness from his eyes before he rolled onto his back, reaching up and brushing his jaw with his fingers as Jacob towered over him, teeth bared and his chest heaving with labored, punctuated breaths.

Quil opened his mouth to talk, but an excruciating pain stopped him. Pulling in a deep breath and bracing himself, he gripped his jaw tightly, wincing as he relocated it in one swift, stupidly painful movement.

Opening his mouth and closing it a few times to make sure everything still worked correctly, Quil finally looked back to Jacob, pushing himself into a sitting position. Letting the words he was going to say die on his tongue when he swore he still saw fire in Jake's eyes.

"Okay, I probably deserved that," he muttered, reaching up and touching his jaw one last time.

"_Fuck_, Quil," Jacob seethed, his hands curling into ham-sized fists. Quil grimaced in spite of himself. "All the fucking girls on this rez, and you just _had _to…" Lips parting, Quil didn't have time to respond before Jacob took a swift step back, reaching up and rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

"God dammit," Jacob growled, the sound echoing off the trees as he turned his back on Quil. As he took a couple steps, furiously snagging his shorts from his ankle before pulling them on. Before he took another two steps and collapsed on a fallen tree covered in moss, head in his hands.

Quil knew Jacob probably wasn't going to like the idea, but he hadn't suspected he would dislike it _that _much. He hadn't expected such an emotional reaction, and the truth was it threw him a little.

Still, Quil reached for his own shorts, pulling them on before he stood. Before he tentatively approached Jacob who was still sitting on the tree, both hands clasped together and pressed to his mouth as he refused to look at his friend.

"Jake, man, I know what you're probably thinking…"

Jacob released an ironic laugh, shaking his head. "I really doubt that."

Risking the other side of his face, Quil took a chance, closing the gap between them and sitting on the fallen tree next to Jacob.

"Dude, I can promise you...it's not just what you saw, or what you're probably thinking."

Quil could see Jacob's fist clench for a single second before he released it, fingers unfurling and stretching before he finally let them fall to his lap. Before he let out a long breath, the angry lines around his features somehow easing when he did.

And Quil let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"I know…"

Quil wasn't expecting that response from Jacob either.

Blinking, he gaped at his friend. "You know?"

Jacob nodded, an unconvincing, ironic half-smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he stared at his feet and the ground below them. "I _know_," he repeated. "I'm not an idiot, Quil. You and Bella are both my friends, and it's my job to fucking pay attention."

Quil swallowed, trying to think of something else to say to defend himself. To defend Bella and let Jake know what happened - and what could _still _happen - wasn't something he planned on. It wasn't something he set out wanting.

But he didn't get the chance to tell him.

"I _know _Bella...probably better than she knows herself some days, and I've seen it, Q," he insisted, his voice shaking inexplicably beneath the weight of it. "I've seen the way she's been looking at you these past few months. I've seen it…" His words cut off long enough for him to turn his head, to catch Quil's stunned gaze. "And I've seen the way you look at her, too. We all have…"

Quil wasn't sure why his stomach twisted beneath the revelation, but he closed his eyes anyway, pulling in a deep, calming breath. Trying to figure out what to do with Jacob's words mixed with everything else on his mind.

"It's just…"

Jacob's words pulled Quil's eyes open, and he could see the moisture in the corner of his friend's eyes, a product of his frustration and something he had yet to say.

"What, man?" Quil prompted him quietly.

Jacob shook his head, a tense laugh slipping from his lips as he pushed a hand distractedly through his hair. "I wanted it to be anyone _but _you," he said lowly, glancing at Quil and continuing before he could react or take the words the wrong way. "Anyone but one of _us_...fucking _anyone_, Quil, so long as it got her away from this life." Jacob's voice wavered beneath the weight of his words, but he pressed on. "Because it's taken too much from her and Maddie already..."

Quil held his breath, a wave of understanding rushing through his veins, settling as a thick knot in his stomach. He hadn't thought about it, but hearing Jake say it, Quil understood where he was coming from. Knowing no matter what, there was a small part of him that could see the truth in Jake's words, the validity of them crystal clear.

After all, Quil had been there. He had seen just how big of a price Bella and Maddie paid. How big of a price they _all _paid.

And when he really took a moment to think about it, there was a small part of Quil that couldn't help but agree with Jake.

Not because he didn't care about Bella. He did care about her, probably more than he should.

Because he never again wanted her - and especially not Maddie - to lose anymore than they already had.

Still, there was a part of Quil that wasn't sure how much weight that concern would carry with the person it was directed toward.

"You know better than anyone, man, that you can't really tell Bella what to do," Quil murmured, an halfhearted smile pulling at his lips.

Jacob chuckled again, except it was lighter. A little less burdened.

"I know," he agreed, staring at his hands, "but I'll be honest, Quil, and don't take it personally...but there's a part of me that still wants to try."

Quil pushed down the dull ache inside him, but he was unable to ignore where those words landed or the chord they struck.

How he swallowed thickly, saying the words even though a larger part of him screamed to keep them inside…

"Me too, man."

* * *

_Damn Jake and his valid points that may or may not have killed me to bring up..._

_Thoughts?_


	21. Chapter 20

_**AN: **Before you read, remember the discussion in the chapter before this one. Keep it in mind as you go into this. ;)_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Talk" by Kodaline**_

_._

Bella chewed thoughtfully on a french fry, but in reality, her mind was everywhere but on the meal in front of her.

Swallowing robotically, her gaze dropped to the left to where Maddie sat on the inside of the diner booth, her attention completely on the kids menu she was carefully coloring in. Lingering for a moment, her eyes pulled to the right, landing on Quil, who was sitting next to her daughter, aimlessly scribbling on his own paper placemat. He'd finished his meal long before Bella and was quietly keeping himself occupied while she did.

Her mind drifted in the silence, much like it had countless times in the two weeks since that night in her kitchen. Remembering how she capitalized on that growing warmth she felt. How she _definitely _jumped, every single part of her sprinting gracelessly from the starting line before her head had a chance to catch up.

Even so, it seemed to be all she could think about. How an uncharacteristic burst of confidence and ambition to _move _- a straightforwardness she wasn't used to - sent her stumbling straight into Quil's arms.

How, despite it all, he'd caught her without a second thought.

Almost like he'd seen it coming.

Almost like he was thinking about it, too.

And Bella wondered...if he was _still _thinking about it. They hadn't talked about it much, but something had definitely changed. There was a tension, thick and palpable in the air surrounding them when they were together. It wasn't uncomfortable but it was so incredibly different than what Bella was used to.

Eyes lingered longer than they should have. Quil constantly made excuses to touch her, and every single time he did, she wondered…

What it would feel if he left his hands there. What it would feel like to kiss him again. If she was _meant _to. If it would be the same, and if it would ease the inexplicable pressure inside her.

If it would only make it worse…

But another part of her was still hanging onto what he said, and it was clear he was, too - about taking it slow and one day at a time. She told herself she was okay with it, and a larger part of her was, because she didn't want to get ahead of herself or take too much stock in what happened. Not yet.

But she still wanted to _know_...how he was feeling.

_If she was the only one who wanted to feel every single bit of it again..._

And beneath all that was something that happened earlier that day.

It was a surreal moment she had at work, which came in the form of a conversation with her friend, Angela Weber. Angela had stuck close to Forks even after she graduated college, working as a clerk at the police department. Since City Hall was just down the street, the other woman visited Bella frequently. They'd become friends, even if they didn't spend much time together.

It was a moment that all day had kept what happened with Quil at the very front of Bella's mind, whether she liked it or not.

And it was something she felt compelled to tell him, even if she wasn't sure why. Maybe because he was her friend, too - one of her _best _friends those days, even though the word suddenly felt foreign and out of place when it formed in her mouth.

Bella took a deep breath, wiping her hands on her napkin before letting them settle in her lap, fingers lacing together anxiously.

"So...Angela told me something kind of funny today…"

Looking up from the placemat, Quil's pencil stilled when he lifted both eyebrows in curiosity. "Oh, yeah?"

Releasing the air in her lungs, Bella tried to smile. She had his attention at that point and there would be no backing out of it. Not when he was looking at her like that. Not when he was still watching her from across the booth.

"Well,_ I_ laughed when she told me," Bella clarified, her mouth suddenly dry. "Maybe you won't think it's funny, but it kinda was at the time.."

Quil chuckled, going back his drawing. "If you need me, I'll just be creating the next modern masterpiece here until you can spit it out."

Bella bit down on the inside of her lip, wincing when she did it a little too hard. She glanced quickly at Maddie, the little girl equally engrossed in her own doodles, before focusing back on Quil. Before pushing the words from her mouth.

"I guess the new guy down at the Public Works Department wants to ask me out…"

Quil's pencil ceased to move against the placemat, even though he stared at it for several long moments after.

And Bella suddenly found herself wishing she could stuff the words back in her mouth and forget she ever mentioned them. Unsure of why she had felt so compelled to tell him in the first place.

The guy was no one important - she knew who he was and that was about it. He'd come into City Hall a few times since he started working for the city. He always smiled at her and they'd shared a few conversations, but that was the extent of it. She hadn't even known he was interested.

Either that, or she simply chose not to see it.

Quil swallowed, finally peering up at her. "Like...on a date?"

Bella nodded slowly. "I guess," she murmured, hands clenching into nervous fists beneath the table. "I told you it was pretty funny..."

Quil offered her a tight-lipped smile, looking away at the same time and focusing on Maddie's drawing instead. "I'm laughing on the inside," he said steadily, and by the hint of sarcasm laced through his tone, Bella could tell he wasn't amused. He let the silence hang between them for several agonizing moments, and Bella wasn't sure why her heart suddenly pounded in her chest, or why she held her breath until Quil finally looked back to her.

"So, are you gonna go out with him?"

Blinking rapidly, Bella frowned, a part of her hoping the shock from his question - forming in a deep part of her she hadn't felt in awhile - wasn't quite as apparent on her face.

"Sh..._should_ I go out with him?"

Quil was doodling again, and Bella would be lying if a larger part of her wasn't agitated by it. If she said she wasn't bothered by the unexplainable nonchalance that was practically dripping off Quil's features. Off the way he was sitting across from her, and by the lack of expression on his face.

Still, she could tell there was something else. A conflict in those dark eyes, even if she could barely see it.

It was still there, and she noticed.

But he blinked, shutting her out the same moment he swallowed thickly.

"I think you should go out with him...if he asks."

Bella's mouth fell open in surprise, all the breath leaving her lungs as she sat back against the booth. As she tried to comprehend why he would say that, even though there was a part of her that thought maybe it was still too early for thoughts like that.

"And you'd be..._okay_ with that?"

Quil shrugged, glancing up at her and looking away much too quickly. His jaw tight, almost like he was trying hard to keep any kind of reaction at bay.

"Sure, Bella," he murmured.

Bella could feel the frown on her mouth deepen, and she was sure Quil could see the tangible disappointment in her eyes. A disappointment that made it impossible to keep in what she was about to say to him.

"What if I don't want to go out with him?"

Quil snorted softly, finally looking up at her. Waiting a moment before he took a breath and his features softened. Before that subtle irritation was swept from his features.

Before he finally smiled at her.

"If you didn't _want _to go, Bella, you wouldn't be telling me about it."

Bella's stomach wrenched, but she held his gaze anyway, lips parting as she tried to think of something else to say.

"And sure, maybe it's not about this guy. Maybe you just want to go out with someone and see what it's like," Quil pressed on before she could say anything, his pencil drawing the outline of a star on his placemat. "And I think you _should _go out with him...you know, give yourself a chance to see what you want...and that doesn't have to be me. Heck, I'm not that great of a catch anyway." Quil shrugged, another smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I leave clothes all over the floor, I almost always put the gallon of milk back in the fridge with one drink left. Oh, and back rubs? You might as well just forget about that."

"Quil…"

Her voice was barely a whisper, but he glanced away the moment his name slipped past her lips.

With a heavy, labored sigh, Quil finally shut his mouth. Looking back toward her, he caught her eyes, every ounce of sincerity in them confirming he wasn't kidding...that he really _did _want her to see other people.

"Go on a date, Bella," he interrupted her. "Making out on your kitchen table does not bind you to me. Go out, and have a good time."

He didn't say another word and neither did she, both of them still thinking about the conversation long after they stopped having it.

In fact, the only sound that broke through the thick silence swallowing the table were the faint hums coming from the three-year-old little girl still oblivious to what was happening around her.

* * *

_Oh, Quil... :\_

_Thoughts?_


	22. Chapter 21

_****__****__********__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer:**__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Shelter" by The Strange Familiar**_

.

Bella went on the date.

A few days after her conversation with Quil in the diner, the guy from Public Works actually _did _ask her out, just as Angela said he would. Bella was silent for several long moments, one part of her somewhat stunned Angela was right. That another man was standing in front of her asking her out on an honest date.

Still, another part of her - a nagging, more dominant part - recycled Quil's words from the other day, each one on repeat in her head. Still trying to figure out where they'd come from as the other guy simply watched her, both eyebrows lifting until she realized he might actually walk away before she spoke.

_Go on a date, Bella…_

_See what it's like..._

It was all she could hear.

So she said yes, pushing _that _word out with an unconvincing squeak.

The guy's name was Travis. He had just moved to Forks from Port Angeles for his new job with the city. He was tall and broad and had the outline of a beard peppering the definition of his jaw. He was the youngest of four kids and his family still lived in his hometown in Oregon. He had a kind face and even kinder eyes, and he was quiet. He was soft spoken and he was nice.

He took her to dinner in Port Angeles. The conversation was easier than Bella thought it would be. He smiled when she told him about Maddie, and offered just the right amount of condolences when she briefly explained how the little girl's father had passed away in "an accident" over a year and a half ago.

Those eyes didn't check out. He didn't stand up and leave. He didn't run away.

But she decided entirely too early she and Travis likely would only be friends. He was nice, but the entire night, she felt off. Anxious. Like she didn't belong there. That something wasn't right. That something was missing.

_Everything _was missing, even if she couldn't figure out why.

As much as she tried, the only thing she could concentrate on was the lack of anything inside her when he watched her from across the table.

Travis dropped her off at her house before ten, and they exchanged amicable farewells. Bella thanked him for dinner but left it at that, seeing the subtle resignation in the man's eyes just as she climbed out of the car.

He hadn't asked for her phone number, and Bella couldn't help but think it was for the best.

In fact, she'd pretty much forgotten about it by the time she reached her front door.

"Bella, is that you?"

Slipping her shoes off near the kitchen door, Emily's voice drifted through the kitchen from the living room. With a sigh, Bella made her way toward the doorway.

"Yeah, it's me."

Emily had stood up from her place on the couch by the time Bella reached the living room, a perplexed look on her face despite the smile resting on her lips. "You're earlier than I expected you to be."

Bella shrugged, leaning against the arm of the couch and crossing her arms tightly in front of her chest.

"Did it not go well?"

Bella sighed again. "No, it went...great, actually. He was really nice. Attentive...didn't run away when I told him about Maddie."

Emily offered her a sympathetic smile, reading between the lines of what Bella was saying. "But not nice enough, huh?"

Taking a deep breath, Bella shook her head, absentmindedly twirling the emerald ring on her finger. For the first time that night, realizing it was still there and for a split second, realizing there was absolutely no way Travis _wouldn't _have noticed it, even if it hadn't mattered in the end.

"Oh, well," Emily replied, bending and grabbing the remote off the coffee table. With a press of her thumb, she shut off the television before putting the remote back where she found it. "It was only the first try, but the point is you got out. It's gonna be hard to see past a lot of things for awhile, I'm sure, but you tried...and that's huge, Bella. There'll be other chances."

"Yeah…" Bella murmured, watching Emily as the other woman made her way toward her.

"So Maddie went to sleep a little after eight," Emily continued, offering Bella a warm smile as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Last time I checked on her, she was snoring like she was going for an award."

Bella smiled in return, the first one all night that hadn't felt the tiniest bit forced.

"Thanks, Emily."

Once Emily was gone, Bella checked on Maddie one last time, tucking her stuffed rabbit back under her arm and straightening the blanket around her body. Moving to her own room, she shed her clothes, changing into a pair of cotton shorts and camisole. It was warmer than normal in the house, caused by an uncharacteristic August humidity hanging thick outside. Still, Bella grabbed a lightweight robe, pulling it on over her clothes before moving to the kitchen to get a glass of water before bed.

Still, Bella didn't quite make it to the end of the hallway before she heard a loud, urgent knock on the door. Frowning toward the source of the noise, she made her way through the kitchen, assuming Emily had forgotten something but simply didn't want to be rude by barging in without an announcement.

"Did you forget…?"

Pulling open the door, the sight that greeted her stole the breath straight from her lungs.

"Quil…"

He was standing a few feet back from the door, the light from above it barely reaching him. Still, it touched his features just enough for Bella to see the stress in his expression, how dark his eyes were and how his arms were clutched tightly across his chest. How every muscle in his body seemed tense. How he seemed to be holding himself together. Like he was fighting to keep control.

Like he was fighting with something inside him.

Taking a step forward, Bella gripped the edge of the door, her heart suddenly pounding the longer she watched Quil. She'd seen Embry look that way before...more than once. Jacob, too. She knew what it meant.

Quil's wolf was close.

She _shouldn't _have moved closer, yet she still did.

"Hey," she greeted him softly, cautiously, moving a little closer until her feet were on the step and no longer in the house. "You okay?"

Pulling in a deep breath, Quil finally moved when he closed his eyes, his forehead wrinkling beneath the weight of whatever he was thinking about. As he fought something he wanted to say. As he tried to pull together some kind of response for her.

"Are you by yourself?"

The question caught Bella off guard, causing a subtle shiver to snake its way up her spine. The way he said it, his voice low, agitated. Every bit of it sounding like someone she didn't know.

Bella crossed her arms in front of her, pulling her robe tighter around her body. "No one's here but me and Maddie. Emily just left."

Releasing a long breath, Quil nodded forcefully. "Can I come in?"

Holding her breath, Bella waited until he opened his eyes. Until he lifted them and his stare pierced directly into hers. Until she could _see _everything she already heard in his voice.

Ignoring the thrumming in her chest, Bella took a step back, moving aside to make room for Quil to pass.

And he did, brushing past her quickly, his steps determined and heavy as he disappeared into the hallway behind her. As Bella went against everything she knew about what Quil and the others were - knowing when she saw that look in their eyes, it usually was better to stay outside where there was room. Where there was space to get away.

She knew it, but it didn't matter as she carefully pushed the door closed behind them.

Turning around, her mouth fell open in a silent gasp when she saw Quil behind her. When she saw how he was leaning back against the wall, his body half-bent at the waist, dragging his hands roughly through his hair.

The agonized, painful expression on his face pulling at something inside Bella.

Scaring her, in a way she couldn't ignore, because she'd never seen Quil look that way. Ever.

So she kept her distance, at least until he could get a handle on whatever was going on inside him long enough to tell her what it was. Even though she knew the few feet separating them would have done little to protect her.

Even if she knew he would never hurt her...

"God," Quil groaned, suddenly straightening as he let his head fall back against the wall with a disconcerted thud. "This is so fucked up."

"Quil," she whispered his name again. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

He opened his eyes at the sound of her voice, even though he didn't look at her. He grimaced, even though he kept his eyes trained on the ceiling. "You're not gonna understand…"

"Try me," Bella assured quietly, taking an involuntary step forward. Another part of her wanting to close that distance despite her better sense.

Quil shook his head wildly, pushing himself off the wall. Turning his back to her, it allowed Bella to finally see the way he was shaking, visceral tremors rippling beneath his skin. Taking a couple steps, he turned back, re-crossing the distance before doing it again. Pacing frenetically when all Bella could do was watch and wait.

"I was sitting at home," he finally pushed out, and Bella could almost hear the exhaustion behind the words, pushed out on labored breaths as he stared at the floor, "and _all _I could fucking think about was that guy. The one you were out with…"

Bella's heart stuttered in her chest, a single second and a handful of words telling her what part of it was about.

"And all I could _think _about after that was if he was treating you right," Quil rambled, the words spilling out faster. "If he was being _nice _to you. And then I couldn't stop wondering if maybe you brought him home...if you brought him here and what if Maddie didn't like him?" He was facing Bella, still unable to look at her, his hands once again lifted to his temples and a burning feralness in his eyes that held Bella in place. "And what if he wasn't nice to Maddie and how I would fucking _kill him_ if he wasn't."

A rough breath cut off his words, and he finally stopped moving, swallowing back whatever was cutting them off. "And it was just...too fucking much. Thinking about him _here_. In your house. Around Maddie..._with you_."

Bella's stomach sank, a shudder ripping through her body as she finally realized what it was _really _about.

As it turned her blood cold while, at the same time, pulling her yet another step closer to him.

"It's like...my wolf was going fucking insane, Bella, the more I thought about it," Quil pushed, his features crumpling beneath the difficulty of it. As Bella understood every bit of what was going on deep in his soul, even if she didn't have time to dwell on it. To wonder what it meant or compare it from her own thoughts from earlier that night.

Quil pulled in a sharp breath, taking a step back and negating hers. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know, but I walked out my door and ended up here, because I couldn't shake it. Fuck, Bella, I _still _can't shake it…"

She could see it. It wasn't getting better. The war inside him wasn't dwindling, regardless of where his feet carried him. Regardless of what he found - or didn't find - when she opened the door. It hadn't comforted him and it hadn't soothed the beast inside him.

And just watching Quil - seeing how he still couldn't catch his breath, how he trembled in front of her, and how his face contorted beneath an excruciating pain she couldn't see - Bella remembered…

_She'd seen this before._

And she tried to remember...what to do when it happened. The role she could play when animal and man were warring for dominance and it was becoming too much for the human to control. To _fight_. She tried to remember, because the sick feeling of helplessness in her gut only proved she needed to do _something_.

Because Bella also couldn't fight the feeling that she was the only person who _could _help. Who could make it better.

She didn't think. She didn't _question _when she took the last step needed, reaching for him. Grabbing Quil's hand without hesitation, she pulled him toward her, ignoring the muted growl that slipped from his throat but surprised at how easily he moved - at how quickly her breath left her when she felt his hands desperately grasp her waist. When she reached up, shaky fingers grasping his neck and pulling even more. Feeling his short, labored breaths spilling across the inches separating their mouths until she gathered his body against hers. Until she took a final step back and he followed.

Until her frame collided roughly with the wall behind her and all she could feel was Quil, the searing heat radiating from his flesh swallowing every single inch of her.

Praying her body - the contact something inside him craved - would do what it needed to soothe him.

She wrapped one arm around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer, her other hand stroking his cheek. Holding him in place and forcing him to look into her eyes when she did.

"It's okay," she whispered, feeling his skin beneath her hand. Refusing to pull it away, even though the reasons she was standing there - holding him that way - were suddenly blurring inside of her. "_You're_ okay…"

And she could feel it - the tension dissolving from his muscles, loosening beneath her hands. His eyes closed as he fought to calm his breaths. As he grasped for some kind of focus he'd lost somewhere between where they were and when it all started.

He swallowed roughly, opening his eyes once more, close enough that Bella could see every fleck of gold in his dark irises. Lips parting, his breaths were more even. Lighter.

She let the arm wrapped around his neck pull back, releasing him. Knowing he wouldn't go anywhere when she lifted it, taking his face between both hands. Still refusing to let go, even when he finally spoke.

"I'm not ready for you to date, Bella…"

Closing her eyes, she leaned inherently into the warmth radiating from Quil's body, pressing her forehead against his and letting her hands fall to his chest. The words wrapped around her insides the same time she felt the heat from his palms soak through her shirt and into the skin beneath it, his warm breath washing over her lips.

"I tried," he whispered with a shake of his head, causing Bella to lean back. To hold her breath and search those eyes. "I wanted _you _to try...to maybe find something that wasn't _this…_" He glanced down at himself, a frustration seeping across his features. Glancing up, still-troubled eyes held hers as Bella refused to move.

"Quil…"

Bella couldn't help but frown, a part of her unable to believe what he was saying, even though it took her a single moment to understand. What he meant when he said it. What _life _he was talking about.

She wanted to argue. She wanted to reassure him…

But she didn't get the chance as he took a step forward, closing what little distance there was left between them.

Refusing to release her rapt stare, Quil brought one arm up beside her head, his palm splayed against the wall, his weight leaning against it. His other hand abandoned her waist, moving before she could feel thick fingertips graze her cheek.

"It doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters… because n_obody _is ever gonna be good enough for you, Bella," he breathed. "For Maddie...not anymore. Not in my eyes. Not me, not _anyone_...and I don't know what to fucking do with that, but I'm sorry I told you to go." He closed his eyes then, shaking his head softly. "I didn't _want _you to go."

Bella couldn't breathe, her eyes closing instinctively even after the words stopped. Suddenly feeling like maybe what she planned to say before wasn't needed, because he was there and he wasn't moving and neither was she.

And all she could remember was how nothing that night - nothing leading up to that moment - felt like it should...

But for a moment it was swept away when Quil suddenly leaned forward, her breath escaping her in a swift rush just before his lips unexpectedly captured hers. When she remembered to move as much as she needed to, returning the kiss after a single moment, neither of them taking it any further. Even when Bella reached up, letting her fingertips trail the length of his jaw, still tasting his breath on her lips long after he pulled away.

How just before he did, she felt _everything_.

Opening her eyes, Quil's were still closed, even when she reached up, again taking his face between her hands. Smiling before his eyes finally opened.

That time, knowing what she wanted to say.

"I'm not ready to date either," she whispered. "Not unless it's one where you're sitting across the table from me."

Quil's face crumpled, his expression a mixture of conflict and a palpable relief.

"Dammit, I don't know if I can…"

Releasing a sigh, Bella let her fingers trace the curve of his neck. "I don't know if I can either." Smiling, still, despite it all. Somehow meaning what she was about to say with every cell inside her.

"But this is my home. The pack is my family...they're my _daughter's_ family. I'm not going _anywhere_," she whispered, the smile still lingering on her lips. "And you don't need to be _good_, Quil...you just need to be _you_."

The grin he gave her, even as he peered down at the floor, lit fire to Bella's insides.

He looked up, his smile falling slightly even though it was still there. Even though the traces that mattered still rested on the corners of his mouth.

"What the hell are we doing, Bella?"

She took a deep breath, wrapping each arm around his neck as her fingers tangled in the ends of his hair. As she felt his arms fold around her, pulling her into his body and holding her tighter than he ever had before.

"I don't know," she replied, "but I'm glad you came here."

She squeezed her eyes shut, cheek brushing against the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

"I'm glad this is where you ended up."

* * *

_Better? :D_

_This was probably my favorite chapter up until this point... _

_Thanks so much to all of you who reviewed the last couple chapters. I will make sure to reach out to all of you at some point this weekend!_

_Thoughts?_


	23. Chapter 22

_****__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer:**__________________All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN: **Soooo... pick your weapon of choice. Ice cream. Tequila. Candy bars. JUST in case. :\_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "All I Want" by Kodaline**_

.

For the first time in months, it was Quil's turn to feel stuck.

And it didn't make sense because at the same time, it also felt like for the first time in seventeen months, everything was falling squarely into place.

It was September thirteenth. Bella's birthday...and even though he had plans to surprise her with something that weekend, he had another stop to make first.

He had someone else he needed to visit.

So there he was, pacing back and forth at the end of a modestly marked grave, resting on sacred lands he knew he'd catch hell for being on if he was caught. He didn't care though - his grandpa could go straight to hell if he tried to breathe a word to him about honor and tradition.

After all, it was honor and tradition to begin with that put his best friend in the ground.

Pushing one hand distractedly through his hair, Quil could feel the miserable mist of rain collecting on the strands. He let out a breath, feeling like he might officially be going off his rocker but remembering this wasn't the first time he'd set foot in this place. It wasn't the first time for _any _of them, and definitely not the first time he seemingly talked to himself...even though he liked to believe that wherever Embry was those days, he could hear him.

"Alright, buddy," he muttered, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. Giving his head a shake and releasing a sigh as he looked back down, his gaze fell on the land beneath him. "I think we have a problem."

Quil knew what the problem was...even if to anyone on the outside, it wouldn't look like a problem. Still, he'd known it since that night Bella went on a date with another guy - a stranger Quil didn't even know but someone he still wanted to eradicate from the face of the earth, brought on by the simple thought of him even _touching _Bella.

It woke him up. It woke them _both_ up, and he'd known it in all the days after. Things between them were exactly like they were before, aside from another subtle shift, one that gave birth to new things. One that made all the difference, reinforcing the fact there was some kind of _togetherness _to it. Looks were longer, and smiles were warmer. The way Bella lingered until he would steal a kiss, and how she always allowed it. Every time she'd walk into the living room after Maddie was in bed and how she would smile when he caught her hand, allowing him to pull her to the couch with him. How instead of sitting on the opposite end, she'd tuck her legs underneath her and burrow into his side, fingers lacing loosely through his. Resting her head on his shoulder, she refused to move until most nights, he had to nudge her awake before he left.

It was different...but they didn't put labels on it. They didn't label it because labeling it would make it real. Labels would be final.

Labels would mean taking that last step and leaving behind everything they both lost.

For good.

And Quil was having the hardest time with that - with letting go. With realizing what that would mean.

Which is why he was there, because the largest part of him wanted to try. The largest part of him knew it was time...to let go. To face what that meant, and to conquer the one thing holding his tongue and holding him back.

Because Quil knew..._finally_.

It was no longer just about the promise he made. It hadn't been, in a really long time.

It was about being there. It was about how Quil could no longer picture his life - he could no longer define who he was or what he was doing on this earth - without including Maddie.

Without including _Bella_, even if the air surrounding that definition was a little more blurry. A little more complicated.

It was about how they both made him feel...entirely different things, although both were just as visceral. Just as impenetrable.

Still, it didn't matter because Quil knew…

He didn't know when or how it happened, but the point was _it happened_. He didn't have _his _life anymore, and Bella didn't have hers. They'd tried to rebuild them separately but at some point along the way, they ended up fusing into one.

They needed each other, not because they couldn't live without the other…

Because Quil had a feeling they weren't _meant _to.

"I'm blaming you for this," Quil muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyes still focused on the dirt below him. "Because, you know, I coulda done what any normal person did when they lose someone. I coulda drank myself stupid or I could have went through some kind of existential midlife crisis where I stopped wearing shoes, grew a beard, and read a lot of poetry…"

Chuckling, Quil pulled his lower lip between his teeth, worrying it for several long moments before he released it and let the smile fall. "But no...because you had to go and know what I needed before I even needed it. And the worst part is, you know how much I hated it when you got all insightful and attentive. Yet you still did it...up until the very fucking end, you did it."

Quil pulled in a heavy, shaky breath, pushing it out as the cool, damp wind swept it away without a sound.

"But things weren't _supposed _to be this way…" he breathed, eyes focusing on the treeline in the distance. Drifting toward the very tips of the pines and back again, his words getting lost in the silent space he was in.

Even though he kept talking.

"You weren't _supposed _to leave. _You _were supposed to be the one who did all these things I ended up doing...who took Maddie to her tumbling classes and tucked her in. You were supposed to be the one who told Bella to lighten up when she goes off on a tangent about the importance of a _morning routine_."

Quil rolled his eyes when he said it, his lips cracking into a grin as he shook his head.

He shrugged, the movement halfhearted and conflicted. "But then again...what the hell do I know about parenting?"

The smile faded, quickly replaced by a wince as Quil felt a hot stinging in the corners of his eyes.

"Dammit," he growled under his breath, reaching up and swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "And I _hate you_ for it some days, you know. For picking me, of all people. For thinking I was the best person for the job, because I was never like you. I never knew exactly what to do when things got tough. I never knew exactly what to say to make things better."

Quil could feel a foreign tightening in his chest, bringing forward an all too familiar ache. One he hadn't felt in a long while because it had lessened with time. Still, despite the way it twisted his insides, he could feel it loosening. The bonds of it severing when held up against what he knew he still had to say.

"But I guess I figured it out...somehow," he whispered. "And now you're paying for it, man...because I love that little girl. So fucking much. She got me through this...and she makes me _better_."

Quil swallowed, the action barely making it past the huge mass in his throat.

Bracing himself because even though he was the only person standing anywhere close to where he was, it still mattered - the words he was going to say. What they meant.

"And then there's Bella," Quil murmured, his gaze lifting once more. As a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "And there's something there...something big, dude, and I almost fucked it up. But it's been there for a really long time, it was just too early...because there was still so much of _you _in both of us and we just weren't ready to see it."

Quil took another deep breath, pushing out another chuckle with his exhale, the sound of it conflicted but still light. Still sure.

"And I wish you were here, Em, just so you could fucking haul off and punch me in the face because I feel like I deserve it. I feel like you should get at least one swing, and I think that's why I'm here...because even though I know you _can't _take a shot at me, I still needed to tell you. I still needed you to know that if you were, man, you could punch me all you wanted but…" Quil paused, reaching up and rubbing his eye one last time.

"Even so, I don't think it would get me to go away. Not now," he breathed, smiling into the thick air and ignoring how the mist was turning into heavy raindrops. "And I don't want a sign. I don't want you to send me some signal like a flash of lightning or a fucking butterfly or something because shit like that only happens in Bella's cheesy romance movies...but I still wanted to tell you, so I _don't _feel like a shitty best friend because trust me, man, I do. But...I'm gonna tell her...how I feel. I'm gonna do it, because this is how things are, even if it's not how they're supposed to be. I'm gonna try...to be _good_, even though she told me I don't need to be. Not good like you, but good in a way that your little girl needs now, and good in a way that _Bella _needs...after everything that's happened."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Quil blinked the drops of rain from his lashes, taking a single step back. Feeling the mass inside him dissolve with every breath. Disappearing little by little.

"And I just want you to know, Em, that I'll never let them forget you, because there's no way I could...ever. No matter what," he continued, his voice thick with promise and sincerity. "And I'll never stop being there, even if she throws me out on my ass...because I promised and there's nowhere else I _want _to be."

Quil took another step back, releasing his grip on himself the same time the skies opened and released the rain on earth below.

"Love you, man," Quil whispered, ignoring the moisture on his cheeks and how he was sure it had nothing to do with the rain. Focusing instead on the smile crossing his lips and how it wasn't quite so hard to turn around. Not like it had been before, and how he felt lighter than he had in a long time, even if he couldn't explain why.

Even if he really _did _know why.

He'd done what he needed to do. He freed himself from the last restraint that held him back. He'd made peace with a guilt that kept him from moving forward.

Now there was only one thing left to do.

To reach for Bella, and see if she wanted to take his hand.

To see if she wanted to take that last step with him.

* * *

_*lip wobbles*_

_Thoughts?_


	24. Chapter 23

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN: **Hey, everyone! So just a quick note - we're nearing the end here. There are 4 chapters left (including this one) and an epilogue. Thank you all SO MUCH for your support and notes. Never thought this little "distraction", as I called it, would draw such an incredible response. I'm just blown away by it. Huge hugs to all of you!_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Long Journey" by Sarah Jarosz**_

.

When Bella opened the door to her home, the first thing that greeted her was the aromatic scent of garlic.

Frowning in confusion, she stepped into the hallway, quietly closing the door behind her. Shrugging out of her jacket, she hung it up, craning her neck to see into the kitchen. Some little part inside her reminded her to be wary, considering she had no idea who was in her home or what was going on.

Still, she moved toward the kitchen anyway, knowing if someone _had _broken into her home, it was highly unlikely they stopped to cook a meal on the way out.

Reaching the kitchen doorway, Bella's frown dissolved, replaced by a curious smile as she leaned against the doorframe. As she was greeted by the sight of Quil standing in front of her stove, bent over it as he stared intently at a pan on the burner. Behind it was another pot, steaming as water rolled and boiled inside of it.

When Quil attempted to reach into the pan to adjust whatever was cooking in it, Bella's hand shot to her mouth to stifle the laugh when he pulled his finger back with a cry, the appendage falling victim to the hissing oil in the pan.

Bella took a deep breath. "What are you doing?" she asked softly through her fingers.

Quil threw a glance over his shoulder and was greeted by Bella's raised eyebrows and curious smile. "Cooking, woman. What's it look like I'm doing?"

Bella let her hand fall to her side. "You don't cook, Quil…"

"Ha," Quil barked. "That's what _you _think." He turned back toward the stove, thinking better that time as he grabbed a wooden spoon from the utensil canister next to the stove. "I may or may not be sneaking over to Emily's on the weekend, because rumor has it, women appreciate a man who can cook."

"You know, I think I've heard that, too," Bella responded, lifting one sly eyebrow as Quil offered her a bright smile over his shoulder.

It was then Bella noticed the absence of little feet, a pair she normally heard running up the hallway to greet her when she got off work and Quil was already there.

"Where's Maddie?" she asked.

"She's at Emily's," Quil responded quickly. "Figured maybe it could just be you and me tonight…"

Bella heard him, but her gaze was pulled toward the table, which was immaculately set with two place settings. Quil had even pulled out her good wine glasses, and there was an unopened bottle of red sitting between the two plates. Bella could feel her smile widen, her breath still managing to catch in her throat when her eyes fell on the last piece of the decorated table. On the glass vase holding a small bouquet of brilliant pink and white lilies.

Blinking in disbelief, Bella looked back to Quil, only to find him already watching her with a coy grin on his mouth.

"Are those for me?" Bella murmured, one finger drifting toward the flowers.

"Not sure who else they'd be for," Quil replied knowingly, still smiling as he straightened, wiping his hands on his jeans.

Bella swallowed, feeling that warmth in the pit of her stomach - one she'd been feeling a lot of lately. "Is this..._all_ for me?"

Glancing quickly at the stove, Quil grinned proudly, watching Bella as she pushed herself off the doorframe, slowly making her way across the kitchen. Eyeing the table, the stove, and finally the man standing in front of her.

"Well, we didn't really do anything on your birthday, so I thought I'd make up for it by celebrating the fact it's Friday or something," he explained with a chuckle, his eyes lingering on Bella for a moment before he turned them on the stove. Before he motioned to the sizzling pan and boiling pot. "Hope you like Italian, Swan. Can't promise you it'll be worth much considering I've never even made spaghetti before...like, ever. But dammit...I'm gonna try."

Coming to a stop beside him, Bella leaned against the kitchen counter, eyeing the contents of the stove. "Looks like you're doing pretty good to me."

Quil chuckled, chest swelling as he appraised his limited handiwork. A few moments passed before he glanced down, meeting Bella's eyes. Before he let out a breath.

"Well, just in case…"

Bella missed it when he moved, unsure of what was happening before she felt a pair of warm hands on her waist. Until she felt her body turn, a surprised cry escaping her throat when her feet left the ground. She wasn't sure exactly how she ended up sitting on the kitchen counter next to the stove. Regardless, she was there.

And Quil was still standing in front of her.

"You can hang out right here and supervise," he murmured, his dark eyes dancing playfully. Bella realized his hands were still on her waist, the same moment she could feel that warmth inside her spreading. Growing exponentially with each passing moment.

"You know, just to make sure we actually have something edible by the time I get done here," he continued with a lift of his eyebrow. "Call it quality control."

Quil went to step away, but Bella's hand reached out, not waiting for the rest of her to catch up when it curled around his t-shirt.

"Hey…"

Quil's gaze pierced hers, the sound of her voice stopping him. She tugged, not even sure why she did, until he was back where he was. Until he was back in front her. Until his eyes lowered to her hand, which still held a fistful of t-shirt, before lifting back to hers.

"Thank you...for this," she said quietly, her gaze lowering swiftly to the stove, traveling over Quil's shoulder toward the table before landing once again on him. "I love it."

Quil didn't respond. Instead, he only smiled - the kind of smile he didn't give anyone. One that was soft, sincere, and filled with a million words that probably wouldn't come out right if he tried to speak them.

A smile Bella swore she only ever saw him give to her.

And it was enough to make the warmth inside her multiply. To make her fingers tremble in a way she couldn't explain, even though she tried to temper it by wrapping them tighter around Quil's shirt. Even though it only got worse the longer he stayed where he was and the longer she looked into those eyes.

In the end though, she didn't have to move. She didn't have to let go, because Quil moved for her. He moved _closer_.

Because in a single moment, his hands were cupping her face and he was kissing her and he was _everywhere_.

Kissing Quil was nothing new. Since the night of Bella's date, there were less reservations between her and Quil. It was almost like that moment - where she held Quil and he let her - had created some kind of a need for touch. Boundaries had fallen, creating a need for some semblance of intimacy between the two of them. The attraction to it was strong, and Bella found herself fighting it less and less. Accepting his kisses just as eagerly as Quil gave them.

But this one was different. This one was like the first one they shared, that night in her kitchen two months earlier. It was one that could easily lead to more, if they weren't careful.

But in that moment - as Quil gently nipped at her lower lip, as his hands moved tantalizingly slow down her frame, as Bella felt his body nestled between her thighs - the reasons why it _shouldn't _be more were blurrier than ever.

It was easy to lose track, but she didn't. Blurry or not, she somehow took in everything - the way Quil's mouth moved eagerly against hers, the way his hands dug into her waist. How he pulled her closer to him, her body balancing perfectly on the edge of the counter as she let her arms wrap tightly around his neck.

She closed her eyes, lips parting against his, releasing a silent gasp when his fingers found the skin beneath her shirt.

God, she didn't understand...how every touch caused her skin to tingle and the heat inside her to intensify, escalating her need. Why it never did before. Still, a part of her didn't _want _to understand, because whatever it was heightened a desire she knew much too well those days - one every nerve in Bella's body made her completely aware of in those moment. Reminding her she felt it more than she realized, whenever Quil came too close. Whenever he kissed her.

Because all of it - all of _Quil _- made her feel alive, in a way she hadn't been sure she'd ever feel again.

Bella brought her hands up, taking Quil's face between them as she turned her own, recapturing his mouth. Taking his bottom lip between hers, Bella shuddered at the soft moan she swept away with her mouth. How she let Quil pull away anyway, tracing soft, heated kisses along her jaw until he reached her ear, his breath tickling her flesh as her hands dug roughly into his shoulders.

How three words inexplicably brought everything to a crashing halt.

"Be with me…"

He whispered them, so softly Bella wasn't sure she heard him right. Still, she knew she had in the way everything inside her inexplicably lurched, sweeping away the flames threatening to consume her. The finality of them knocking the breath from her lungs and causing her body to tense beneath Quil's hands.

But there was no pretending she hadn't heard him, because Quil had picked up on everything. Every reaction from Bella's body a single moment after he spoke them.

Pulling back, Quil's earnest eyes caught Bella's bewildered gaze.

How despite the way she probably looked on the outside, inside she had seen it coming, too.

Bella's cheeks were on fire, her hands still clinging to Quil's shoulders. "What did you say?"

Quil pulled in a deep lungful of air before releasing it, even though his chest still heaved, still breathless from moments earlier.

"Be with me," he repeated, leaning forward and capturing her cheek with the palm of his hand. "And I don't mean for a couple minutes, or just for tonight. I mean...all the time. For good, Bella."

Bella's lips parted, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest, unsure of how to respond to what Quil said. She knew what he meant - he didn't have to explain it to her. She could see it in his eyes, the certainty in them. How everything he'd done - every day in the past eighteen months - only reinforced the reasons why it made so much sense.

Bella knew - to an outsider, it wasn't a huge question. It wasn't a big segue from what they were doing in that moment to what Quil was asking of her.

But it was. To her, it was. Something about his request was bigger. More final than anything they had done before.

It meant more...to him, to her. To _everything_.

And no matter how blurry things got, no matter how much her insides burned, succombing to it completely meant something else.

Bella's gaze inherently fell, still holding her breath. Her heart still pounded, even as her eyes accidentally landed on the glimmering, dark green gem resting on the third finger of her left hand.

And in that moment, she knew _exactly _what Quil's request meant. What it signified beyond the words he spoke.

In that moment, it was enough to make her hesitate. To stop moving completely.

"Bella…" Quil's whispered voice brought her out of her head. "Say something."

Blinking rapidly, she glanced up, finding Quil's suddenly troubled eyes already watching her. She took a deep breath, trying like hell to smile even though she was sure the gesture was less than convincing.

"What happened to taking things one day at a time?" she whispered, the smile faltering when she finally spoke the words.

Quil shook his head, his eyes falling to her lap, his other hand still resting on her thigh. "I can't...I can't keep going like that."

Bella swallowed, leaning into his palm anyway. "Why not?"

Quil sighed heavily. "Because, Bella...the entire time I was doing that, I still hand one damn finger holding on to what we lost, and...I can't do that anymore, even if it's harder than hell to admit," Quil insisted. "I want to stop looking back. I want to _move on_."

His fingers were trailing the length of her cheek, and Bella found herself once again holding her breath.

"And...I want to move on with you, Bella," Quil continued, his eyes intense and sure. "I want to be with you...like, _all the way_ with you. Every day. I want to hold your hand in public and kiss you in front of the pack and maybe sleep _with _you in your bed sometime instead of just falling asleep together on the couch," Quil pushed on, his features warm but filled with resolve. "Because...I think I love you, Bella. And I know that's what it is because I've never felt this way about anyone, ever, and I want to be next to you. I want to be _here_, with you and Maddie. All the time...forever...or at least as long as you'll have me."

Bella blinked, feeling an inexplicable burning in her eyes, her lungs refusing air as she watched Quil. As she let what he said sink in, seeing every single emotion behind his words playing across his expression, reinforcing the truth in his words.

Proving to Bella he meant every single one.

_I think I love you, Bella..._

How her heart sank just a little bit, unsure if she could give him the same in return. At least not in that moment.

How, in the exact same moment, her heart was _filled _all the same.

When her silence became too much, Quil shook his head again. "You don't have to say it back, because I know I'm kind of springing it on you. Even if you _don't_, I'm not sure I could even walk away from you and Maddie at this point. I really don't. But if you _do…_" He paused, and Bella didn't miss the flicker of hope and certainty in his eyes. "If you think you might, or that someday you might be able to, I'm asking you to trust it," he pushed on, holding her gaze. "That if you want to let go, too, Bella, I'm promising you it'll be okay."

Bella waited several long moments before she answered, unsure of whether or not she should say anything but knowing she owed it to Quil to at least be honest, no matter what.

"I don't know if I can," Bella whispered, hating the way the words sounded. Hating what they meant in the face of what Quil was offering her.

What he could offer her family, and what he had already given them.

Even if he was already a part of it. Even if he had been for a long time.

"I don't know if I'm _ready…_"

Quil nodded, looking down but not quickly enough to hide the spark of disappointment in his eyes. "I get it," he breathed. "You still love him. I _get it, _and that's okay if you do." He looked up, that disappointment gone, replaced by another firm sincerity, one that held Bella in place. "But I think you should remember...that just because you might love someone else now doesn't mean you'll love Embry any less, Bella. It's different, the way you might love me compared to how you loved him. It's not the same. Just like it's not the same as Jacob loves Anna, or Paul loves Rachel. It's all different, and so am I. I've never tried to replace him, Bella, and this wouldn't be any different. I can promise you that, too."

Bella took a deep breath, her mouth offering him a smile despite that single strand of reluctance holding her back. How her hands lifted anyway, one finding a home on his cheek while the other pushed through his disheveled hair.

"I know," she whispered. "I just need...a little more time." She clung to him, her eyes widening beneath her plea, trying to reassure him that a little time would make a difference. That it would make it easier for her.

Quil nodded again, his gaze falling to the counter beside her, his lips pressed into a thin line. Releasing a heavy breath, Bella hated herself for making him look that way. She hated the ache inside her, the one she still felt when Quil mentioned Embry's name, and the way it still managed to hold her back.

How that one little strand still tying her to what they lost refused to let her fully embrace who was standing in front of her.

_She just needed a little more time…_

Reaching up, she again took Quil's face between her hands, urging him to look at her. Surprised at how easily he complied, she tried to smile - she tried to reassure him - as she leaned forward, pressing a single, soft kiss to his lips.

Hoping maybe the simple action would speak louder than her words possibly could.

And he lingered, drawing it out. Breathing her in, even when Bella pulled away. Even when he leaned forward again, stealing another kiss. Hanging onto that moment and hoping she would allow it.

She did.

But before she could think differently, Bella heard the distant ringing of her cell phone.

Groaning, Quil dropped his gaze to her lap just before shooting a withering glance toward the hallway.

Smiling, Bella let her fingers trail down the length of his jaw until he finally looked back.

"Can you grab that for me?"

Returning her smile, Quil nodded, pushing himself off the counter and swiftly disappearing into the hallway. In the handful of moments he was gone, Bella lowered herself from the counter to the floor, straightening her shirt before turning to the stove, realizing the pasta was probably overcooked at that point.

She had just grabbed a fork from the drawer and was pulling a noodle from the pot to test it when Quil returned, offering her the still-ringing phone.

"It's Emily," he offered, and Bella was thankful for the smile he gave her when she turned to take the phone.

"Thanks," she said, popping the noodle in her mouth just as she answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Bella? Oh, thank god, you answered. Bella, listen to me…"

Placing the fork on the counter, Bella took a step away from the stove, something in the tone of Emily's voice demanding her attention. Immediately putting her senses and her body on high alert. As she turned away from the appliance, she could see Quil's face, realizing he could probably hear the other woman.

Realizing he _looked _exactly how she felt.

"Emily? Slow down. What's wrong?"

Emily's voice was borderline hysterical, the words she said next turning every ounce of blood in Bella's body to ice.

"Bella, you need to come. We're on the way to the hospital. Maddie's already there. There's been an accident."

* * *

_TRUST ME!_

_Aside from the obvious cliffy...thoughts?_


	25. Chapter 24

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN: **__So, disclaimer on this chapter. I am not a doctor or a nurse. Not by a long shot. Google was my reference for this chapter. Don't judge me. It's fiction, haha. On that note…. ;)_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Follow Me Back Into The Sun" by The Rescues**_

.

Bella was pretty sure Quil broke at least a dozen traffic laws on the way to the hospital.

Still, she couldn't bring herself to care. At one point, she even had to swallow back the urge to ask him to go faster.

Because all she could think about was what they would find when they got there, all shreds of the conversation she and Quil were having moments earlier pushed aside. All she could think about was her daughter and the lack of information swirling around what exactly happened, and Emily's frantic voice seeping through the phone Bella pressed tightly to her ear.

How Bella had only really caught a few words after what Emily said first.

Playing outside...bee stings...allergic reaction…

_Couldn't breathe…_

That was all Bella needed to hear before she hung up the phone, her mind trying to connect with the rest of her body to figure out what to do - to remember how to move. She had little time though because Quil had heard every word and already shut off everything on the stove and had her keys in hand. He was already helping her into her jacket he'd retrieved from the back hallway.

Somehow her feet managed to move when Quil grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door.

By the time they arrived at the hospital, Bella's body had caught up with the rest of her. She already had the door open before Quil could pull the car to a complete stop in the parking spot. She was already several feet away from it, heavy, purposeful steps carrying her toward the emergency room entrance before she heard Quil's door close behind her. Before she heard loud footsteps on the pavement as they ran to catch up with her.

Pushing through the emergency room entrance, Bella stopped, her eyes frantically searching for anyone who might have answers. Registering the heat from Quil's body beside her, she saw them in the waiting room a moment later - Sam, Emily, and Jacob, who saw her at the same time. Bella moved, determined steps carrying her toward where they stood. Sam was holding Levi, but he still took a step forward - even though Bella wasn't sure why until Emily pushed her way from behind the tall, broad man, her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks scarred with something else. Marked by heavy trails of tears.

"What happened?" Bella demanded, the words tumbling out in a rush.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Emily repeated, her thin body colliding with Bella's as she threw her arms around Bella's neck for a single moment. Stepping away before Bella had a chance to respond, a nearly hysterical sob slipped from her chest. It was enough to jar Bella - to startle her - seeing the reaction from a person who was normally so calm. Who knew how to handle just about everything.

It also made Bella feel like someone punched her in the stomach.

Reaching for the other woman, Bella's hands wrapped tightly around her shoulders. "Emily...just tell me what happened."

A whimper fell from Emily's lips as she took a step back. As she took a deep breath and tried to gather the strength to explain. "Maddie and Levi were playing out in the sandbox in the backyard. I was watching them from the kitchen window because it was almost dark out, and I was going to tell them to come in once it got too dark to see." Emily grimaced, shaking her head as liquid eyes lowered toward the floor. "I went down in the basement to grab a jar of tomatoes for dinner. I was gone for a minute, Bella, _a minute _- Sam was around the side of the house chopping wood, but...when I got to the top of the stairs I could hear Maddie _screaming_."

Bella's blood turned ice cold as the words tumbled from Emily's lips. As her voice cracked beneath the weight of them.

"She and Levi found the start of a beehive on the edge of the trees behind the house and...and I don't know what happened. If they messed with it, if she got too close...I don't know. But she got stung...a few times. So did Levi, but...he was fine, after I got all the stingers out. But Maddie…" Emily reached up, brushing a fresh wave of tears from her cheeks. "She kept telling me she hurt right here." Emily brought a fist to her chest. "She was swelling so fast, and a couple minutes later she was having trouble breathing."

Emily shook her head again, wide eyes catching Bella's as she shook her head in bewilderment. "I didn't know what was wrong, but I called 911 because I didn't know what else to do...and I'm so sorry, Bella."

Bella nodded, blinking rapidly as she tried to think of something to say. As she heard Quil huff behind her.

"So this is what happens when I ask you to take her?" His voice was a growl. It was cold. _Angry_. "Usually the point of _watching _the kids, Emily, means you have to fucking watch them…"

"Quil." Jacob's tone was warning and his face stern, the command behind it enough to pull Bella's gaze to meet his.

Shaking her head, Bella's arm reached out inherently, her fingers brushing Quil's as she carefully took his hand. As she turned her head, glancing up and finding his expression dark. His mouth curled into a furious frown even though his eyes were completely distraught.

As she felt his hand tighten around hers anyway.

"It was an accident," Bella whispered placatingly, only to him - reassuring herself as much as Quil. "It's okay."

Bella didn't wait to make sure he was alright, but she refused to let go of his hand before turning back to Emily and the others.

"Is she okay?"

Jacob shook his head from his place behind Emily, but his steady facade wasn't enough to hide the worry in his eyes. "We don't know yet. I think the doctor was waiting for you to get here."

Bella's stomach lurched. Closing her eyes, she nodded anyway, ignoring the dreadful weight in the bottom of her stomach. It was fighting to pull her down, everything they'd went through up until that point reminding her just how easy it was for things to go wrong.

For life to rip the rug out from beneath them just as they remembered how to stand up.

Lower lip trembling violently, Bella pulled it between her teeth, biting down hard - forcing her eyes open and her lungs to draw in a deep breath.

It _couldn't _happen. Not to them.

_Not again..._

"Miss Swan?"

Five heads snapped toward the deep voice behind them. Turning faster than she thought physically possible, Bella was greeted by the graying beard and sparkling green eyes of Dr. Mallory. He was the grandfather of a girl Bella had went to high school with and despite how much she disliked Lauren, she always had fond memories of her grandfather. He had worked in the Forks hospital longer than Bella had been alive.

"Dr. Mallory," Bella spoke past the obstruction in her throat - past the dread scratching at her stomach, wanting out. Wanting to consume everything. "My daughter...is she okay?"

"She's doing _fine_," Dr. Mallory insisted with a small, warm smile.

An overpowering wave of gratitude swept through Bella's veins, washing away the two-ton weight inside her. Closing her eyes, she could feel the excruciating heat in the corner of each one, a product of the same gratitude that could have brought her to her knees in that moment, if she allowed it.

"What happened?" Quil asked from beside her, his voice still tense. His words uneasy.

Dr. Mallory glanced quickly at Quil before looking back to Bella, who nodded at him to proceed.

"Madeline had a severe allergic reaction to the bee sting venom. That kind of reaction is rare, but it does happen. I'm assuming she's been stung before?" Dr. Maddie asked.

Bella frowned, nodding halfheartedly. "Yeah, once," she recalled. "Just after she turned two. But this didn't happen then."

"And it likely would not have," Dr. Mallory continued. "Chances are the first time, her immune system became sensitized to it, which means the allergic reaction would not have happened until the second time...this time." He paused, making sure Bella understood before he spoke again. "She has some moderate swelling in her face and around the sting sites. She was also in the beginning stages of anaphylaxis when she was brought in, which was the cause of the swelling in her airway and why she was having difficulty breathing when Mrs. Uley called 911. However, the paramedics gave Madeline a shot of epinephrine, which helped. We have her on some fluids right now. She's responding well and resting. If you don't mind though, Miss Swan, I'd like to keep her here for a few hours for observation before we release her to your care."

Taking her first real breath in what felt like hours, Bella nodded, trying to take everything in. Trying to process it all in a way she could wrap her head around.

"Of course," she murmured.

"Can we see her?" Quil's voice was low from beside her.

The elderly doctor's gaze drifted between Quil and Bella before offering Quil an empathetic smile. "I'm sorry, young man. Only family is allowed back."

Bella glanced beside her and for a split second, Quil's eyes darkened and his expression went stony. Squeezing her hand so hard it nearly hurt.

"I _am _family."

The elderly man adjusted his glasses. "Are you the little girl's father?"

The resolve instantly was swept away by a helpless look of defeat. As Quil's eyes bounced frenetically between Bella and the doctor standing in front of them. As his free hand curled into a fist just after Bella saw the tremors rolling from his fingers.

"No…"

Dr. Mallory nodded in understanding and the warmth in his eyes never faltered. "I understand you care about the child, son. We all do, but you need to wait out in the lobby."

Still, Bella could feel a frustration stirring within her. "Can't you make an exception? He's her uncle…"

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but it's hospital policy," Dr. Mallory interrupted firmly. "No one is allowed in exam rooms during observation except immediate family."

In that moment, Quil took a step back, capturing Bella's gaze. A piece of her heart broke when she saw the tangible uselessness - the concession of defeat - in them.

"You may go back and see her, Miss Swan, when you're ready." Dr. Mallory's voice pulled Bella's begrudging gaze away from the hurt she swore she could still see in Quil's eyes. "She's stable, so I'll be back to check on her in a little bit." With a nod, Dr. Mallory turned, taking a few steps before disappearing through the double doors leading to the triage center.

"Oh, thank god." Emily's voice was thick with a potent relief, and Bella glanced behind her in time to see the other woman sink into one of the waiting room chairs. Her gaze flicked to Jacob, who nodded at his best friend.

"Go be with her, Bells. We're not going anywhere."

Bella nodded aimlessly, at the same time remembering where her hand was. Glancing down, she realized it was still holding tightly to Quil's. Her gaze lifting, she saw Quil already was watching the door through which the doctor had passed.

Every part of him already somewhere else, even though he was told he couldn't be.

But he could, if he really wanted to. No human could stop him, and Bella swore she could see that in his eyes, too - the knowledge of it. That he was _considering _it. Finally pulling his stare away from the door, glancing over his shoulder for a split second, long enough for Bella to follow his eyes. For them to land on Jacob in time to see him look back at Quil. To see him give his head the slightest shake.

A silent order for Quil to stay where he was.

"She's okay," Jacob murmured firmly, speaking to no one but Quil even though there was understanding in his face. "It'll only cause trouble."

It was enough to make Bella hesitate - for her to tear her gaze away from Jacob to Quil to the double doors and back again. Her lips parted, almost like she wanted to argue with Jacob, a part of her feeling like it was unfair to make Quil wait with everyone else.

How it felt _unnatural _to have him not be there with Maddie. With her.

Looking back to Quil, she squeezed his hand until his stare finally faltered and he glanced down at her, his jaw tight and his eyes distracted.

But he smiled. Somehow, he smiled just before he released her hand. Fighting against his instincts and trying with everything inside him to be okay with it. To reassure her.

"Go, Bella," he insisted. "It's okay. I'll wait out here with them."

Bella pressed her lips together tightly, letting her eyes sweep over Quil - over Emily, Sam, and Jacob. She ignored the inexplicable burning in her eyes as she finally turned around, knowing she needed to go...

No matter how much she wanted Quil there, too.

A nurse saw Bella when she pushed through the doors into the exam area. Smiling, the older woman pointed toward a bed near the far end of the room.

Somehow, Bella forgot about everything else, her tears running freely by the time she saw her daughter, covered in a sterile white blanket and dressed in a pink child's hospital gown. Somehow, Maddie had managed to fall asleep in the hospital bed, despite the needles and tubes running in and out of her tiny body. Moments passed, and the breath left Bella's lungs the longer she looked. Making her way around the side of the bed, Bella could see how Maddie's little face was swollen from the insect stings, how each of the three puncture wound she could see were red and inflamed.

Wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, Bella bent at the waist, reaching out and smoothing her daughter's dark hair back from her face, a single sob managing to escape her chest.

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered, leaning down and leaving a gentle kiss on her forehead, her lips moving against the little girl's pink-hued skin. "You were probably so scared. I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

A minute passed before the nurse offered her a chair. Bella wasn't sure if she thanked the woman, but she sank into it without a second thought, taking Maddie's small hand in hers and trying to swallow back the grateful yet troubled cries still seeking a release.

God, it felt too familiar...all of it. Everything going on inside Bella was amplified. Every bit of it evocative of what they'd been through before, reminding her just how easy it was to blink and have everything change before she could open her eyes.

It was too familiar, knowing she could have been there for _this_. She could have stopped _this_.

But she wasn't...able to stop it. Because Bella also knew sometimes life didn't care how hard they tried or how much her family didn't deserve anymore pain. Deep down, Bella knew there was nothing she really could have done, because it could have happened any day, any time, when any one of them was watching her daughter.

Still, Bella couldn't halt the tears, silent streams of them rolling down her cheeks, falling to the cotton blanket beneath her arms. An overwhelming gratitude replaced the anger and the guilt.

Because above all, she was thankful it _hadn't _been worse. She was thankful Emily had done what she did and gotten her to the hospital before it _was _worse.

Because she knew. Bella and all the people waiting just outside those double doors knew...

It _could have been_ worse.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


	26. Chapter 25

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN: **__Sorry for the delay between updates! I was SUPER busy the past handful of days. I debated on posting this one today, but here's what I'm thinking... I figure if I get good response on this chapter today, I'll know you guys are still around pre-holidays, so I'll post the last one and the epi tonight. If not, I'll blame said holiday (haha) and will probably wait till the end of the week to finish this up. Either way, hope you all enjoy and have an amazing holiday! :)_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "Til My Days Are Through" by Sanders Bohlke, "We Ran Faster Then" by Mackintosh Braun**_

_._

Bella stood completely still, losing track of the passing minutes as she leaned against the wall of Maddie's room, just next to the door.

She had no idea how long she'd been standing there, but she did know she couldn't walk out of there - not yet. She needed another minute to remember what that day had brought, to remember what it did to her. How much it scared her.

How after everything that happened to her family in the last two years, she could have lost her daughter too.

But she _hadn't_, and she needed to remember that, too.

It was enough to take her breath away, and she needed to catch it before she could go anywhere.

The hours spent at the hospital, Bella only left Maddie's side once, after the nurse came back and told her "some of her friends were heading home". Nodding silently, Bella tore herself away from her daughter's bedside, slowly making her way to the waiting room to say goodbye to Sam and Emily. When she walked into the room, she also found the rest of the pack had showed up, oversized bodies sprawled over every free chair in the tiny room. After reassuring them everything was fine, she sent everyone home with promises that she would keep them updated on how Maddie was feeling once they got back to the house.

As they walked out the door, Bella lingered for a moment on the two who stayed behind. On Jacob, but more so on Quil, who was sitting in the chair next to his friend, rigid arms crossed in front of his chest and his expression stoic and forlorn.

She lost count of the moments she watched him until he finally looked back.

"Are you going, too?" she whispered. Knowing she didn't want him to but unable to fathom the trouble in his eyes. How he could stand it when she barely could herself.

Quil's gaze held hers for a single moment before he looked away, his expression unchanging.

"Where else would I go?"

It was nearly eleven at night before Dr. Mallory gave Bella the okay to take her daughter home, pushing into her hand a prescription for an epi-pen and strict instructions that it was something she needed to have on hand for Maddie at all times. Bella offered him a heavy acknowledgement, promising him she'd get the prescription filled first thing in the morning.

"Do you want me to get your friends to help you take her to the car?" Dr. Mallory asked softly.

It took Bella only a moment to nod.

A handful of moments later, Quil pushed through the double doors, and Bella could immediately tell a weight had lifted from him. Still, it was nothing in comparison to the flood of relief she saw wash over his features the moment he saw Maddie. How it nearly took her breath away when he smiled, meeting Bella's gaze for a single moment before he moved toward the bed.

Bella didn't say a word. She simply stepped back, watching - staying silent as Maddie's eyelids fluttered open for the first time at the sound of Quil's voice, whispering to her and no one else as he wrapped the white blanket tightly around her body. Her eyes drifted closed a moment later, just before he effortlessly gathered her in his arms, cradling her against his chest and leaving a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

As Bella felt inexplicable tears gather in the corner of her eyes - an overwhelming pressure in her chest, one not born from sadness - the moment she saw one little hand emerge from the cocoon she was in, curling around Quil's t-shirt.

Refusing to let go, even as Bella followed them from the emergency room, holding close the bag the hospital had given her containing Maddie's clothes.

She allowed a single tear to escape her eye when Jacob met them at the front entrance, sliding one arm around Bella's shoulders, leaving a kiss of his own on her temple as they walked out to the car.

The drive home had been quiet. Bella sat in the backseat with Maddie while Quil drove, and neither of them spoke a word, everything from that day no doubt weighing heavily on both their minds. When they arrived at the house, she let Quil take over, gathering their things from the car as he took Maddie inside to put her to bed.

Bella had found him in the exact spot she now stood. It took him a moment to acknowledge her, but when he did, he kept his eyes on the floor, silently walking past Bella and leaving her to say goodnight. Leaving her to her own moment.

Eyes affixed to the floor, Bella finally looked up, releasing a deep breath before she finally remembered she needed to move. Walking silently from the bedroom, she stopped once she reached the hallway, her fingers curling around the doorframe as she did.

As another pair of feet came into view.

Lifting her head, Bella's gaze found Quil just outside the door, leaning against the hallway wall. For a single moment just before she had left her daughter's bedroom, she'd wondered if he would still be there.

But it all made sense - why, of course, he still would be - once she could see him.

His hands were tucked rigidly behind him as he finally looked up - as he caught her eyes. His face was heavy and expressionless, even though his eyes betrayed him. Bella could see it - how even in the darkness, it was still visible in the distant light seeping into the hall from the kitchen.

The troubled haze in them proved that, the entire time, he had been just as scared as Bella. That the remote possibility of losing Maddie hurt him just as much.

And Bella could see something else...how much it had killed him to be shut out, even though she hated it. Even though she had wanted him there.

Something pulled at Bella's insides, weighing her down in a way she hated.

In a way she couldn't ignore.

And it only went away when she took a step toward Quil, lips parting without releasing a single word. Holding his eyes, ones normally filled with laughter and kindness, she could see how they were suddenly black and liquid and filled with all those words Bella could feel just in the back of her throat. A million pleas she didn't understand, still lined with that hint of fear.

He reached up in that moment, unexpectedly, one hand cupping her cheek. The heat soaked into her skin, a part of him _still _trying to comfort her. To be there for her. She wanted to tell him she didn't need it - that she was fine, that even if she wasn't she would be soon, because Maddie was okay and so was she and he was _there_.

_Quil was there…_

She wanted him to know that, too. That she was glad for it - thankful for it, still.

That she never wanted him to feel shut out again.

That he belonged there. Right where he was, and she didn't want him to leave. Not in the next few minutes. Not in the next hour.

_Not tonight..._

And there was a sense of urgency to it, prompted by the day's events and hundreds of days worth of baby steps when she leaned into his palm. To tell him, even though Bella allowed her exhausted, burning eyes to close, taking a breath through her nose and drawing in that scent...

The one she noticed all the time now.

Every single day. Every time Quil was around, she noticed it.

And it filled her, in a new way. In a way she hadn't allowed herself to feel.

In a way all its own.

Opening her eyes, Bella held the air in her lungs, turning her face. Bringing her other hand up, she held Quil's where it was, letting her lips brush gently against his palm.

Seeing that same darkness in his eyes when she looked back, except now, it was accompanied by something new.

By a fire she wasn't expecting. One she suddenly craved all the same.

Releasing a sigh thick with inexplicable relief, she didn't have to speak a word. Somehow, Quil knew as he pulled her to him, folding her into his arms as Bella closed her eyes on it all. As she let her other senses compensate for what she couldn't see, hearing Quil's sharp intake of breath the same moment she felt its warmth on her mouth. As her hands pressed against his chest a second before she tasted his lips on hers.

And she clung to him, not because she _needed _him there.

Because she didn't want him to go. Ever.

And Bella didn't want to hesitate. She didn't want to waste another day, knowing tomorrows were never a promise, and knowing all too well how fragile life really was.

Which is why everything about it was needy - urgent, like it could be the only moment they had. The way his mouth moved against hers, how his fingers clung desperately to her cheeks - the way she leaned into him, hands curling into his chest. It screamed of a closeness they both wanted.

Bella's feet left the ground, barely registering the heat from his hands beneath her thighs, soaking through her jeans. Seeping into her skin and flooding her veins, it made the warmth inside her worse. It made it excruciating in the best kind of way when she wrapped her arms around Quil's neck. When she felt him move beneath her and she tipped her head toward the ceiling, lips parted, a wordless gasp escaping her when a heated mouth drifted along her pulse.

As a visceral shudder tore up Bella's spine when he dragged his teeth along that same spot, his tongue peeking out to soothe it.

She lost track of how they made it to her bedroom, of how much it took for her to pull herself away. How she leaned back against Quil's hold, inexplicably steady fingers finding the hem of her shirt. Pulling it over her head, it disappeared somewhere in the darkness before she leaned forward, taking his face between her hands and recapturing his lips with a fervor and a need that rivaled any before.

Quil's arm tightened around her body until Bella suddenly felt the bed against her back. Quil's broad frame hovering over hers, she refused to let him go. She refused to stop kissing him, allowing the heat from his body to reach out - to fuel the fire inside her as her fingers found the edge of his shirt. She released him only so he could pepper kisses along her neck, her clavicle, and against the swell of her breasts just before he lifted himself for a single moment, allowing her to pull the shirt from his body.

He didn't return, kneeling in front of her instead. The room was dark, but the light from the porch outside spilled through the bedroom window, illuminating Quil's features just enough for Bella to see his eyes mapping paths across her body. To catch him taking in every bit of her as his hands moved, deft fingers removing the clothes left on her body.

He took his time, and Bella held her breath, body trembling at the way he watched her. At the way he smiled - _her _smile, a muted version of the grin that had somehow become a source of light in her world.

It wasn't long before she couldn't stand it. Before she couldn't wait any longer, reaching for Quil. Pulling him down until his body was flush with hers. Until she could feel his hand push through her hair as his mouth recaptured hers. Until she could feel his body pressing hers against the mattress. Until she could feel every inch of his searing flesh against hers.

Before his hand was on her thigh, guiding it to his hip.

Heavy, impatient breaths pierced the silence in the room as Quil pulled away. As Bella clung to him, eyes closed and lips parting, her head desperately seeking respite from the fire inside her even if she wasn't sure she wanted to find it.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke.

Suspended in that moment, Bella took advantage of it, feeling the muscles in Quil's back beneath her hands. She traced the lines in it with her fingernails, opening her eyes long enough to look into his.

Long enough to make sure he would see her smile and every reassurance - every word she suddenly meant with all her heart - she hoped it would carry.

"I want this. I want you..." Bella whispered, pushing a strand of hair from his eyes. "I'm ready..."

Sighing against her mouth, Quil smiled, too - just before he kissed her, every bit of it purposeful yet gentle the moment she wrapped her arms around his neck. The moment he shifted above her and she hitched her other thigh around his hip.

Every word, every reason, and every day leading up to the moment suddenly made an imperfect kind of sense as he pushed forward. As Bella cried out against his mouth the moment their bodies joined, just before Quil's lips gently swept the sound away.

As Bella took a single moment to savor it, to remember the way he felt inside her for the first time. The way _he _felt against her. How she felt when _his _hands touched her.

How every last bit of it was something she never felt before. How what Quil said to her earlier that day suddenly made sense.

It was different, but suddenly she could see it. She could _feel _it.

How Quil - how what they _were _- was everything she needed from that moment on.

* * *

_I'll just let this one speak for itself... :)_

_Thoughts?_


	27. Chapter 26

_********__****__****__****__****__****__****__****____**Disclaimer: **__All publicly recognizable characters, s____ettings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

_**AN:** Okay, so in the spirit of the holidays, here's my present from me to you guys - this chapter is it! I promised I'd put you all back together by the end of this, and I definitely hope I did. Thanks so much for coming on this short little journey with me. I adore you all more than you know._

_An epilogue will be posted just after this. Don't miss it. :)_

* * *

_**Suggested Listening: "And If You Go (I'm Coming Along)" by Fossil Collective**_

_._

When Bella opened her eyes the next morning, the first thing she registered was the blazing arm wrapped around her body.

The second was the smile that spread slowly across her mouth as bits and pieces of the night before came back to her. As she remembered the reason that heat was there, pressed firmly against her back.

As she remembered who it was.

Blinking, Bella cleared the last of the sleep from her eyes before she stirred. Before she shifted her hand from its home on the disheveled bed sheets, lifting her fingers and letting them trail along the length of the arm holding her in place. Taking a moment and savoring the peace she felt, dragging out the movements, until there was movement behind her. Until she heard a muted groan released into the pillow, just before the arm loosened its grip on her enough for her to move.

"What time is it?" Quil's hoarse voice grumbled from behind her.

Bella shifted, pushing strands of hair back from her face as she rolled onto her back. As she looked in time to see Quil rubbing groggy eyes with the back of his hands.

Lowering his hands, his eyes met hers, and Bella was pretty sure the smile on his face matched her own.

"Early," Bella finally replied, her fingers tracing patterns on his arm, which still rested across her midsection.

Quil made an unintelligible noise in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut as he pulled Bella closer. "I suppose that's okay, if you're the first thing I get to see at the crack of dawn," he murmured. "If it was _my _face in a mirror, I might be telling an entirely different story."

Bella chuckled, turning toward Quil slightly. Pulling in a deep breath, she reached up, brushing her fingers along his cheek before she leaned in.

Even though Quil cut off her attempt at a kiss, his eyes bulging and a startled cry leaving his throat.

As his hand shot up between them, covering his mouth.

"Morning breath, Bella!"

Bella gaped, an amused grin still resting on her mouth. "Mine or yours?"

"Mine!" Quil exclaimed from behind his hand.

"Are you kidding me?" Bella asked flatly, narrowing her eyes.

Quil shook his head vigorously. "I don't kid...not about this. I've been told it's like dragon fire. Pretty sure it could wilt flowers if I hit them at just the right angle."

Bella rolled her eyes playfully just before she reached up, her hand curling around Quil's, pulling on it until he lowered it, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "There's a spare toothbrush in the drawer under the sink," she comforted, leaning forward again and refusing to let go of his hand. "But until then...I don't care."

When she kissed him, she was pretty sure Quil was smiling anyway.

"You musta really meant what you said last night," Quil murmured, sinking back against the pillow. Bella stayed where she was, propped up against her elbow. She could tell he was trying to tease her, but she couldn't ignore there was a hint of something else beneath the words. A trace of question.

Almost like he was trying to make sure that in the morning after - removed from the everything they allowed to overtake them the night before - Bella still remembered what she said. That she meant it.

"Hey," Bella whispered, "about last night..."

Quil shook his head, letting it roll toward her. "Bella, it's okay, you don't need to explain anything to me."

"No, I _want _to," Bella pushed on, meeting his eyes the moment she did. "Because just in case there's any part of you wondering… when I told you I was ready, I didn't just mean last night. When I told you I wanted this...I meant all the time."

Releasing a breath, Quil's gaze slipped back toward the ceiling before falling toward her. Before he rolled over to face Bella, his other hand reaching for her, fingers pushing through her hair as a smile played on his lips.

"You mean it?"

Bella nodded, unable to contain her own grin. "I mean it."

Quil's face screwed up as he chewed on that for a moment. Before his eyes caught hers again. "It's because of my mad cooking skills, isn't it? I knew it. If I woulda known that, I woulda cooked you Italian food we'd never get to eat a long time ago…"

Bella made a noise in her throat, reaching between them and pressing a finger against his lips. "Yes, mad cooking skills are one of the reasons...but it's not the only reason." She didn't pull her finger away until Quil's lips were pressed firmly together, despite the smile still resting on them.

Bella took a deep breath.

"Because you're important to me. Because you've been here, Quil...you showed me and showed Maddie that it was okay to still be happy and that we didn't have to be sad forever. And that left its mark on both of us. It left its mark on _me_," she murmured, offering him another tiny smile. "But I never thought you'd become such a huge part of both of our lives...that you would mean this much to me, but you do. You're a part of this family and...I want to know what a life _with _you would be like. I want you here...next to me. All the time."

Grinning, Quil held her sincere gaze for a moment, savoring it before he reached across the small distance separating them, one large hand gripping the back of Bella's head just before he kissed her. Giving her the only response she needed. She returned the kiss, happily and wholeheartedly, losing herself in him all over again when he shifted. When she relaxed against the pillow, welcoming Quil's weight as his body fluidly moved over hers…

"Mommy!"

Quil jerked away with a start, throwing a wide-eyed glance over his shoulder. He looked back to her, the disgruntled look on his face enough to draw a laugh from Bella's mouth. Still, her chuckles were enough to pull the disappointment from his face. For him to shake his head with a groan just before he smiled in return.

Propping herself up on her elbows, Bella left a swift kiss on Quil's lips, one hand rubbing aimless circles on the back of his neck.

"Better get used to it," she teased.

Quil rolled his eyes playfully. "Hey," he replied without missing a beat, "I knew what I was signing up for." Leaning down, he stole one last kiss before rocking back on his knees. "I'll get her."

Once Quil was dressed and disappeared down the hallway, Bella climbed out of bed, finding her robe hanging on the back of the bedroom door where she always left it. Cinching it tightly around the waist, Bella walked quietly to the bathroom, paying no mind to the soft voices she could hear coming from her daughter's room.

When she was done and on her way back to the bedroom to dress, a series of high-pitched chuckles made her pause. It drew her back down the hallway until she reached Maddie's door, lingering just outside it as she peered into the room.

"So no playing outside today, but the best part is you get to hang out in bed all day and watch all the princess movies you can handle…"

Quil was kneeling beside Maddie's bed, straightening the blankets around her as she watched him raptly. Bella let her eyes linger on her daughter for a moment, noticing how parts of her face were still swollen and pink from the bee stings. Bella made a mental note to pick up a new bottle of calamine lotion when she went to the pharmacy after breakfast.

Her gaze shifted to Quil, who was done tucking her back in, reaching up and pushing Maddie's hair back from her face instead.

"All the princess movies?" Maddie asked with wide eyes. "Ariel, too?"

"Every last one on them, honey. And I bet there's even some ice cream that comes with all those movies, too."

"For breakfast?"

"Well...maybe after breakfast, but definitely ice cream."

Bella held her breath as Maddie grinned. As she watched Quil with the same adoration she always held when she did. As one little hand reached up, tugging on Quil's t-shirt sleeve until he got the message. Until he leaned down so she could tell him something that was clearly only meant to be between him and Maddie.

As Bella lost whatever air she had left in her body when Maddie finally spoke, the words a hushed, barely audible whisper.

"_I love you..."_

Bella smiled, the same delirious warmth pushing through her veins, the same it always did.

"Awww," Quil replied softly. "I love you, too, honey...more than anything else in this world." He leaned forward that time, like it was his turn to tell her a secret. "Maybe even more than your mommy, but don't tell her that though, okay? That one's between you and me."

"A secret," Maddie agreed with a grin.

As Quil stood up, leaning over and leaving a kiss on Maddie's forehead, Bella pulled her lower lip between her teeth to contain her smile as she pushed back from the door. As she hurried back to the bedroom before he could catch her eavesdropping from her place in the hallway.

Once she closed the door behind her, Bella walked to her dresser, the entire conversation from moments earlier playing over in her head. Hearing Quil say those words again and knowing what they meant - knowing how much _he _meant them and how just a day earlier, Bella wasn't sure she could say them back.

She wasn't sure she could because she knew what it would mean if she did. She knew what she would be letting go.

_She knew what it would mean…_

And she was ready.

Holding her breath, Bella stared at her reflection in the mirror. Outwardly, she looked exactly the same as she had eighteen months earlier. But inside, she felt like a different person. A stronger person, alive and awake in ways she didn't know were possible.

And she knew why - why she was stronger. Why she felt different.

Releasing the air from her lungs, Bella's gaze lowered, watching as she reached across her body with her right hand.

Slowly, arduously, she pulled the emerald ring from the finger on her left hand.

Glancing down, she stared at it for several long moments, the piece of jewelry clasped firmly between two fingers. Remembering everything it symbolized. Everything it meant to Bella.

She still loved Embry. She always would, and Bella knew that. The time they had together was entirely too short, and even though he'd left her the best gift he could have possibly given her, it was time to let go.

It was time to move on.

She held her breath, even though it didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would when she lifted the lid to her small jewelry box, placing the ring just inside. Allowing herself only one last moment of hesitation before she closed it, putting the ring away for safekeeping.

Allowing herself to start over. To start living.

_Completely_.

Once she was dressed, Bella walked from her bedroom, hearing the noises of someone moving around in the kitchen. One glance through Maddie's door revealed her daughter quietly enraptured by the first of what Bella knew would be many Disney movies that day. Smiling, she kept moving, making her way toward the kitchen.

Quil's back was to her when she walked into the room, pulling two bowls from cupboard next to the sink. There were already a few boxes of cereal lined up on the counter. He reached for one, releasing a small chuckle as he opened the box.

"You're not very sneaky, Bella," he murmured teasingly, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder. "Not now...and definitely not when you came out of the bathroom earlier."

Still, Bella ignored him. She smiled, but she trembled, despite the certainty coursing through her veins. Despite how it fueled her, watching the muscles in Quil's back shift as he moved to the refrigerator to retrieve the milk and back again. As she told her feet to move, silently crossing the distance between them. Stopping just behind Quil, _knowing _he could hear her even though he didn't speak another word.

Even if she still wasn't close enough.

She took another step - the last one she needed to reach him, bringing her hands up. Pressing them against his back, taking a single moment to explore the curves and lines of it. To realize how truly strong it was, and to understand how he had always been able to carry so much.

How he had been the foundation beneath her family's feet the moment Bella thought they had nothing left to stand on.

Closing her eyes, she let her arms find a home around his waist. Holding on, she heard Quil's breath catch in his chest the moment she pressed her mouth to his back, leaving a single, muted kiss in its wake. Her lips brushing against thin cotton the moment she felt his hand cover hers.

Her lips moving just before he turned, speaking the only thing she wanted to say to him. Something her daughter had said to him moments earlier. Something she never wanted the little girl to _stop _saying.

Something the person Bella was that day - the one she started becoming long before that moment, and the one she would be every day after - had waited entirely too long to say.

"I love you, too."

* * *

_:-)_

_Thoughts?_


	28. Epilogue

**__****__****__****__****__****__****____****Disclaimer: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

"_Take the hands of what you've known,_

_we'll wake the earth and watch it grow,_

_and write our love."_

_**~ "Wake The Earth" by The Honey Trees ~**_

_._

Bella still thinks about Embry every single day.

She still notices his absence in the tiniest moments - in the ones he used to fill. She feels it every time she opens her jewelry box and her eyes sweep over the small emerald ring resting right next to her grandmother's locket. She feels it when the entire pack is together, when they all laugh and for a single moment, she remembers the one missing.

But she sees him, too - everyday, when she looks at their daughter.

Somedays, it's in the way Maddie smiles. Others, it's in the way she cocks a skeptical eyebrow whenever Bella says something she doesn't necessarily agree with. Sometimes, it's in the way Maddie knows exactly what to say and how her eyes go endless when Bella least expects them to - when she's lost in thought or dreaming or a million miles away from the twelve years of life she's lived.

Bella plans to give her daughter the emerald ring someday - when she's old enough to cherish it. When she's old enough to truly understand its importance, where it came from, and how much it meant to her mother.

It still hurts sometimes, but Bella has come to terms with the fact the phantom ache might never go away completely.

And its _okay_ when she feels it.

Because she sees new things now, too - things that aren't better than what she and her daughter lost, but things that are just as good in different ways. Things that are just as much theirs.

Things that are just as important.

The things - the people - that taught them it was okay to wake up. To keep living. To keep smiling.

And Bella smiles…

She smiles when she walks into the living room after dinner some nights to find her daughter curled into Quil's side. When she sees his arm thrown lazily over her shoulder as they make fun of the characters on TV. When Quil gapes, stunned silent the first time Maddie points out a boy on the screen she thinks is "hot."

She smiles when he tells Maddie she's not allowed to date until she's thirty, somehow figuring out that's exactly what he's supposed to say.

Bella smiles each and every time Quil kisses her, because she can always feel him smiling too. When, after eight years, every single day he's still able to find new ways to love her and make her laugh.

And Bella smiles when she sees the deep brown eyes of a little boy who has his mother wrapped around his finger.

At four years old, his brilliant grin is already a force to be reckoned with. He's sweet and loud and a perfect little hurricane with a mop of messy curls, and it took Bella less than a month after his birth to figure out he would be his father's child, too.

It's a constant battle. Two - sometimes three - against one, and Bella starts to think she might always be standing on her side alone.

But not really.

Because she's never really been alone, no matter what she lost or how much she veered off course.

She has her memories - a time in her life and a man that gave her more than she could ever hope for. Someone who taught her what it felt like to be loved and what it meant to love unconditionally.

She has Maddie, who everyday, reminds Bella of why those memories matter. Proof of how the best parts of them will always exist and why it would be impossible for any of them to forget.

She has a little boy with slobbery kisses and sticky fingers who gives the biggest hugs in the world, showing Bella with every single one why taking that last step was worth it.

And she has Quil, who's never let go of her hand. Who's never stopped being there.

All of whom brought Bella more light than she could imagine. All of it showing her there could be life long after death. That sometimes the bitterest of endings can still bring a new beginning.

That no matter what, life can be good again.

* * *

_Love you guys! Thanks so much for reading! I will reach out to say my final one-on-one thank yous after the holiday._

_See you all next time! :)_


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